


By Baby Steps

by TheTruthAboutLove



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Adoption, And you all have to suffer with me, Badass women who turn soft with kids, Drama, F/F, Family, Romance, Secret Marriage, Secret Relationship, are my greatest weakness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2017-02-20
Packaged: 2018-09-13 05:57:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 44,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9109624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTruthAboutLove/pseuds/TheTruthAboutLove
Summary: “We're not getting a divorce, because” she sighed, sliding the papers she had in front of her towards Natasha. “We're getting a kid.”She snorted. That sentence wasn't real. That sentence was actually probably illegal.Natasha is distant both emotionally and physically, she has been for a while. In light of new information, Maria wants them to take what seems like a much needed break. But she also wants a kid. When the occasion for the second arises, she is driven to put the first in pause to pursue their dream. It seems too crazy even for them, but somehow they make it work."Maybe things, sometimes, had to be broken even further, before you could finally start to try to fix them again."





	1. Step 1: It All Crumbles Down

Step 1: It All Crumbles Down

  


Natasha was exhausted. She came back from a mission not two hours before and there she was, heading to a Stark's party with Clint.

She knew she couldn't miss it, everybody was going to be there, but she also felt like it would just be a waste of her time. All she wanted was to go home, curl up on her bed and sleep for twenty hours straight.

But she changed and followed Clint around silently, instead.

“Cheer up” he told her smirking. “A special someone is going to be there.”

That was the only reason Natasha wasn't currently faking her own death.

She was going to go back after two weeks away from home, she was going to see that someone again and she was going to make things right. She felt like, in the past few months, everything she did was a constant string of screw-ups. But that mission she came back from, it changed things. She was ready to make it right, whatever the cost might be.

The night, however, didn't quite turn out as she wanted.

They went to the party, said hello to all the guests already there. They ordered their drinks, then got into a conversation with Barnes. He was much more comfortable in his own skin those days, so he was smiling, telling them a story that made every woman who was listening fake a laugh because of his charming attitude.

That was the moment he chose to lay a hand on Natasha's upper arm, in a slow gesture which could not be mistaken for anything other than flirting.

She slightly turned her head, studying his attitude. She didn't pay him particular attention since she let him and Steve escape during their fight against Stark, but now everybody was back on good terms and he and his team weren't outlaws anymore, so she didn't have to worry about him. In fact, she didn't even think about him until then.

“Careful. I know that look” Banner said, joining the conversation.

Natasha turned to him, her expression next to blank. If he saw that one look before, he surely mistaken it for something it wasn't, because it was barely more than confusion.

“You're one step from her web” he went on. “I would know, we've had a sort of” he shrugged “ _thing_ a couple years ago.”

Natasha wanted to scoff at him, to say something among the line of “you wish”, but for some reason, maybe because of how bone tired she felt, she didn't. She took a sip of her drink and masked her sigh.

“They do say you learn something new everyday.”

That voice.

She knew that voice.

“Maria Hill, as I live and breathe, finally gracing us with her presence” Stark lost no time in joining them as soon as she spotted the woman.

“My boss forced me to come” she said shortly. “Even if it might have been my boss' noisy boyfriend for all I know” she raised an eyebrow at him.

He chuckled and handed her a glass. “Whiskey on the rocks, cold and bitter just like my favorite employee.”

Maria smirked, taking the offered glass.

“So you and Romanoff” he said, turning towards Banner. “Please, _do_ tell. How did you romance her?”

“She was the one who romanced me, actually” he said in a light tone.

Natasha felt an uneasy and heavy feeling settling on the pit of her stomach.

“Anyway, it was a long time ago. Apparently she and Barnes are the new hot topic” he joked, not knowing he was actually doing a lot of damage.

“No, we're not” Natasha said in a natural yet flat tone. “We should get to the table, the other guests are sitting down” she pointed out.

She was going to try to sit next to Maria, in order to explain immediately what was said, but Pepper had of course assigned the places.

She kept, thorough the entire dinner, stealing glances towards Maria, to spot some kind of reaction or clue about what she was thinking, but she managed to be as neutral as Natasha herself was trying to be.

She knew she had screwed up before, that she had a lot to make amends for, but what was said that night couldn't be the reason Maria finally gave up on her, could it? Out of all the things she handled wrongly, that wasn't one of them. It was just not true.

And yet that feeling of uneasiness got bigger and bigger.

Tony was sitting between Maria and Pepper, Natasha was in front of Pepper and by her side was Clint, so at least she could hear the conversations Maria had.

“I'm glad we're all together again” Tony said at some point, sighing deeply. “To friends” he said, raising his glass. “And to love.”

Maria scoffed under her breath.

Both Pepper and Tony turned to her, and she slowly looked at them back.

“Sorry, it came out before I could stop it” she said, not meaning the apology one bit.

“Cynic much, Hill?” Tony raised an eyebrow.

She shrugged. “I will toast to friends” she said, raising her own glass and touching Tony's before drinking.

He drank as well, then put down his glass. They went on eating but he didn't drop the subject.

“What did love ever do to you?” he asked over dramatically.

“Nothing” she said too quickly.

“It's not like you're the only single at the table” Sam said, he was sitting in front of her and joined in on the conversation.

“Well, being single and being cynical are two different things” Banner said from Sam's side that wasn't occupied by Clint.

“Maria isn't cynical” Sharon pointed out from Maria's left. “She's just in a bad mood.”

“I'm realistic” Maria retorted.

“Realistic about love not being something to toast about?” Natasha couldn't help herself.

Maria met her eyes for the first time since she arrived. And something inside them, something was different. Something was broken.

She looked away again, then answered Natasha's question.

“Love is bizarre. You wake up one day and it's gone. It keeps eluding me how, how you can love someone so much that it makes you build your entire life around them and then, almost suddenly, it changes. People fall out of love all the time. It's such a strange concept to me” she frowned, taking another sip of her drink. “But it is quite common for others.”

“That is very, very cynical, I stand by what I said” Banner carefully said. “This is not a critic, on the contrary, I think you're right. Love ends, it's sad, but it's true.”

“Statistically, in the United States, only one marriage out of two lasts” Jane pointed out from her seat next to Banner.

“That is very different from Asgard” Thor noted from her side.

“And you're talking about marriages, but if you think about relationships the percentage must be much higher, because a lot of those end long before marriage” Sharon pointed out.

“It's estimated that one human has an average of eight relationships before marriage” Vision enunciated. “And kisses between fifteen and forty people.”

“So you will have your heart broken eight times before marriage?” Steve asked, a little puzzled. 

“You might have to go back to being frozen for a while, because you're nowhere near that” Tony chuckled at his own joke.

“Or just once” Maria said. “If it's broken badly enough.”

“So you did believe in love” Bucky intervened. “What happened?”

Maria shrugged and looked at him with half a smile.

“I learned the hard way that, if you build your life around someone else, everything crumbles down the moment they move.”

“Are we” Tony grimaced, his tone was very concerned. “Talking about Fury? He's the only man I've ever seen you remotely respect. Isn't him a bit too old for you?” his expression was a mixture of worry and disgust.

Maria slapped his arm. “I threw the last man whom insinuated I might have slept with one of my superiors off of an Helicarrier without a parachute” she told him coldly.

“That is true” Clint said with an heavy tone. “But to be fair, she did threw one _after_ me” he conceded, nodding slightly.

The conversation slipped away from the topic and they kept chatting until Maria excused herself to answer a phone call.

She knew her cell wasn't really ringing. She knew what her move was. She was going to bail on the party, so she slipped unseen out of the door and in the hallway.

Just as she anticipated, she heard Maria made up an excuse and tell Pepper and Tony it had been a pleasure but she had to leave early for an unfortunate emergency.

A couple of minutes later she exited through the same door Natasha did a few minutes before.

She walked straight for the elevator.

“Banner? Really?”

Natasha didn't ask her how she knew she was already there, nor did she hesitated to catch up with her immediately, walking by her side.

“You have to know that isn't true.”

“He seemed honest. Why lie?” she pressed the elevator button a little too forcefully. “You know what, just save it, Natasha.”

“Please, let's not do this here. I'll come home, we can talk about this, we can talk about everything. I've been thinking a lot about these past few months, and I think we both know there's too much to say to settle this in an hallway.”

“You are absolutely right.”

The elevator arrived and she stepped in, resolutely avoiding Natasha's eyes. Natasha glanced back, knowing she had to go back, she just had to, it was the first evening all the Avengers were back together and she couldn't just disappear, it didn't matter how much she wanted to.

“We'll talk as soon as I get home.”

“I'm not coming home” she chuckled humorlessly. “ _Home_ ” she repeated bitterly.

Natasha frowned. 

“You just agreed we can't do this in an hallway.”

She sighed and nodded. Finally she looked up, meeting those green eyes. Natasha saw unshaded tears in hers.

“I want a divorce. Come to my office Monday morning, I'll have the papers ready by then.”

Without giving her the time to replay, the elevator doors slide close.

She kept staring at them long after Maria was gone.

  


Natasha had been a mess for the whole weekend. She prepared half a dozen different speeches, only to try to come up with something better again and again.

In the end, she made a list of everything she thought about apologizing for, everything she wanted to explain – including the fake news about Banner and herself or Barnes and herself – and decided she would just say everything she had to, hoping Maria wouldn't shoot her in order to silence her. At that point, she was a little worried she might, since she was so adamant about not listening to her that she didn't return any of Natasha's calls, nor did she let her know where she was staying or how she was doing.

So on Monday she ended her pity party, finally took a shower, dressed in an outfit she knew Maria would like, and headed to Stark Industries.

She would be lying if she said she wasn't nervous, but there was no avoiding this confrontation, and she was also a little anxious to clear things up.

She knocked on her office door and entered as soon as the weak “come in” reached her ears, closing the door back behind her.

“Maria, I know what you said Friday, but this is insane, you can't leave me without even hearing out my side of the story” she started right away, already mentally going over the main points of her speech again.

“We're not getting a divorce” Maria cut her off immediately.

Natasha paused and took a better look at her.

She looked tired, very much so, she was slumped on her chair and it was very unlike her to be anything but perfect on the job. Her chair was slightly reclined, her elbow was firm on her armrest and her fingers picked at the skin of her lips.

The chair was turned to the wall, almost parallel to her desk, like she was doing her best not to stare at the door waiting for Natasha to come in.

She stopped picking at her skin to motion the chair in front of her and turned to finally face the redhead.

“Sit down” she instructed.

Natasha complied, a little baffled.

“We're not?” she whispered. “I mean, of course we're not, that would be insane, because we're still in love with each other” she said in a more confident tone. Then her eyes fell to the papers in front of Maria, that looked a lot formal. “Aren't we?” she asked, back to a whisper.

“We're not getting a divorce, because” she sighed, sliding the papers she had in front of her towards Natasha. “We're getting a kid.”

She snorted. That sentence wasn't real. That sentence was actually probably illegal.

Maria kept looking at her, deadly serious.

“No, you can't be serious.”

She took the papers and started reading them.

“They accepted our application _now_? We did it three years ago.”

“Don't you think I know that?” Maria retorted a little harshly.

“Maria, please. You wanted to divorce me three days ago” she tried to reason with her.

“I'm still going to divorce you” she confirmed. “Eventually.”

“Are you hearing yourself right now?” she sighed deeply and sat on the edge of her chair. “It sounds like you want us to just foster a kid, sign all the papers, adopt them, and then what? After it's legally our kid get the divorce?”

Maria kept looking down at her desk.

“Oh my God” she whispered, slumping back in her seat. “That is exactly what you want to do” she realized.

“I've wanted a kid for years, you know this. If we refuse this and I try again as a single parent it could take a decade, or it might never happen. You know how much this means to me” she told her in a low voice that moved Natasha in a way she didn't think she could be moved before the day she met Maria. Her heart ached. “You don't have to be involved if you don't want to. It's going to be my kid, you can walk away, you're so good at that” she went back to the cold tone she had been using before.

Natasha shook her head furiously.

“Absolutely not. You know why I agreed to this” she pointed to the papers in question. “Why it meant so much to me, too.”

“Then we can raise her together.”

“Her?” she said without even realizing it.

“Natasha, this girl has been to ten different houses in the last three years. I read her file, the last three couples presented with her case said they weren't willing to take her in. She's already eight years old and her chances at being adopted decrease every year significantly” her voice cracked at the end. “What if we're her last chance? What if we're her best chance?”

Natasha kept looking in those eyes she loved, she saw the pain of a child abused by her father and she saw the infinite amount of love Maria had to give to a kid of her own.

Her eyes fell on the file again. She slowly picked it back up and turned page after page, until she saw the description of the girl they wanted to place with them.

“Mackanzie Nichols.”

She read the name out loud and put the file back down.

“No, this is insane. We can't do this.”

“Natasha, please. This is the one thing I'm asking from you, you can take everything you want in the divorce, you can ride off into the sunset with Banner or Barnes or whomever you want to. I won't even mention that you cheated on me, you won't have to give me one single explanation about anything.”

“I never cheated on you” she raised her voice. “I never even considered it!”

“Sure, if it makes you feel better” Maria murmured. “You told me the other night you thought about the last few months. Did you?”

“Yes” she said immediately. “I know I wasn't fair to you. I know that keeping this a secret was a mistake, I know that running every time I should have stayed was a mistake. But this isn't the way I make things right, Maria. It just isn't.”

“It's the only way you have, Natasha. You either sign the adoption papers or the divorce papers. I endured a lot, a _lot_ ” she chuckled humorlessly. “You've known me a decade, we've been married more than six years and all your friends still think you're single. Although, as suggested by recent developments, that might actually be because you want to sleep with some of them.”

“Okay, I get that you're hurt” Natasha said harshly. “But I did nothing of the sort. So here's the deal, if we do this, you have to hear me out.”

“I just _can't_ ” her voice cracked and for the first time Natasha realized how much hurt she must have been since she was usually so in control of her own emotions. “I can't hear you lie anymore, and I don't think I'm ready to hear the truth.”

Natasha knew she screwed up, but this was on a level she didn't even imagine. She never actually contemplated the idea of losing Maria, because she was sure – she had been for a decade – that whenever she came home, Maria would be there to fix her.

She had driven away the one person she had always loved far more than life itself.

“Not today, then. And not all at once. But someday soon, you'll have to let me explain. I never lied to you, I never will. And above all, you can trust I'm honest when I say these words: I will always be in love with you, even if you leave me I'll keep loving you for the rest of my life.”

Before she could remind herself of how crazy it was, she picked up a pen and signed the papers on the desk.

“You never gave up on me, not even when I tried to give up on myself. I hoped I would never see the day you finally did, so I'm sorry I brought us to this.”

Maria shook her head as if she wanted to say something, but couldn't bring herself to.

“Please come home. That couch cannot be comfortable” she tilted her head in the direction of her crumpled up office couch. “I'll stay out of your way, I can sleep in the living room.”

Maria sighed and almost laughed despite herself.

“There are three perfectly good guest rooms.”

“No, there aren't” Natasha pointed out. “One of those it's going to be a regularly used bedroom by sundown.”

“There are still two perfectly good guest rooms.”

Natasha just shrugged. “I'm not a guest. That's my home, too.”

She got up and turned around without adding anything else.

“Natasha” Maria called her, making her turn after she already opened the door.

She sighed and added nothing else.

“I'll see you tonight” she said quietly, then left.

  


She went to a store. Picked out a green shade of paint she liked and went back home, she tore down the wallpaper and covered the furniture of the bigger room, then painted it all, just to keep her mind off of the fact that she screwed up her life, her marriage and everything else.

Maybe the idea of having a kid wasn't so crazy. It could be good.

She told Clint after they came back it was her last mission. Maria didn't even know anything about that, so it had to be. But she said that every single time for the past several months, so she knew he wouldn't believe her.

But it had to be. She couldn't lose Maria.

She couldn't live without her, she tried once, eight years before. It went terribly, she decided she would never do it again.

And having a child was something they had wanted for so long, together, it was a decision they talked about a lot before they sent those applications.

She didn't know if she was going to be some sort of decent mother, but she was determined to do her best.

It was less than ideal, that was undeniable.

But she was going to fix things.

They weren't just going to have a kid together, they were going to be a family.

She would make sure of it.

  


Maria stood in front of the door for five minutes before finding the nerves to go inside.

She shut the door, dropped her keys and bag on the nearby table and turned around, heading for the living room.

As expected, Natasha was there, reading a book. A book about parenthood, apparently.

“I painted the biggest one green. According to the file it's her favorite color.”

“I didn't call the social services, yet” Maria told her.

She turned, raising an eyebrow.

“I wasn't fair to you, today. The letter had just come in and I couldn't think logically.”

“They do say there's a first time for anything.”

“If you want to back down, you can” she continued. “I will give you the chance to say what you want to, before we take a decision about the divorce together. Just, not today. Probably not this week. Possibly not this month. But I will.”

She moved towards the kitchen, grabbed a glass and poured herself a glass of whiskey as Natasha caught up to her.

“You'll never forgive me if we miss this chance. We may never have another one.”

Maria laughed bitterly and drowned the whiskey.

“At this point, Natasha, I think it's pretty clear you could literally stab me in the back and I would ask you if you need me to lower myself a little so you could reach better.”

“Are you saying I'm short?”

“Very short.”

“Please” she scoffed. “I could stab you at any height.”

“Don't I know it.”

Natasha said it teasingly, kidding. Maria didn't.

She reached for her hand, but stopped herself midway.

“I'm not changing my mind. I want this child, too.”

Maria nodded, staring at the bottom of her glass.

“I'll call right away” she whispered, closing the bottle and putting it away. “You can't do this to her, Natasha” she told her, turning to look at her. “If you want to keep bailing on me, to keep going away on these” she shook her head. “What do you want me to call them again? Work trips? Glorified escapades? I don't know what you and Barton are up to, not because of a lack of effort in trying to find out, trust me. But you can't do this to a kid. She's not going to understand that if you leave and vanish from the face of Earth for two weeks or a month is for a good cause.”

“You know I can't promise there won't be an Avengers emergency” she pointed out.

“Then you go, but you call, you let her hear your voice everyday, even see your face if you can. This is not something you can do with one foot in and one foot out the door.”

“I will be here for her. I will be here for you” she promised. “I want us to be a family again, whatever it takes, as long as it takes me, I'll fix this.”

Maria sighed.

“I don't know if we can fix this. It's already crumbling down.”

“Because I moved?” Natasha whispered. “Because you built your life around me, that's what you're saying?”

“Because we built our lives around each other” Maria sighed again. “We're so closely intertwined that the tiniest of movements could echo until it shatters it all.”

Natasha took a daring step towards her and finally did the thing she had wanted to do since the moment she went back to New York, and took her wife's hand in her own.

“I'll stand perfectly still, if you will, too.”

Maria just looked at her for the longest of moments.

There was a sadness in those blue eyes that Natasha couldn't remember ever seeing before.

She slowly slipped her hand away, not otherwise responding.

“Maria” Natasha whispered solemnly, like it was a prayer.

“You kept going away and every time you came back you swore you wouldn't leave again. Then I'd come home one day, and you would be already gone. How is this any different, Nat?”

There was nothing she could retort. Maria was right. If she lost her trust in Natasha's words, it was because she kept breaking that promise, even if it wasn't on purpose.

“I'll prove to you it is. I will stay.”

Maria kept looking at her for a moment longer, then dropped her gaze.

“I'll call the social services, then I'll make some dinner, alright?”

They ate in silence. Both tired, drowned, hurt.

Natasha slept on her own couch, that night, but she never felt furthest away from home.

  


The social worker scheduled an appointment with them for Tuesday at five in the afternoon, they both made sure to be in Maria's office by then, she agreed to meet them there because the location of their private home was of course very secret.

When they filed the request another worker had assessed their home as fitted for kids and they had to go through a procedure they weren't looking forward to repeat to make sure he had no idea where it was located or how to get there.

Maria had been pacing the office for half an hour, when someone knocked on the door.

She immediately opened it, smiling and making a gesture for the social worker to come inside, then her eyes dropped on the girl she was leading by the hand.

She had light brown hair and big hazel eyes, her clothes were too big for her, and they looked as if they were second, maybe third hand.

“Hi, you must be Mackanzie” she greeted her. “I'm Maria.”

“And I'm Natasha” the redhead added, walking to be beside her wife, offering a smile of her own to the kid.

“Hi” she said shyly, with a blatantly fake smile. “I thought Miss Wyatt was kidding when she said you were both going to be women.”

“Mackanzie” the social worker, Amanda Wyatt, said in a warning tone. “So, we have the papers, I'm going to leave her with you, when we spoke on the phone you told me this is the time you usually get off work” she told Maria.

She nodded immediately. She didn't mention she usually did at least an hour of overtime before heading home, because she was going to change that at least for the nearest future.

“Yes, we'll be heading home right away.”

“Did I see you somewhere before?” the kid asked, looking at Natasha with a thoughtful expression on her face. “Are you a model or something?”

“Mackanzie, this is rude” Miss Wyatt reprimanded her.

“No, it's okay” Natasha told her with a gentle smile. “We'll talk as soon as we get home, okay Mackanzie?”

“I don't like to be called that. Just Mack is fine.”

“Alright then” Natasha nodded and kept smiling.

“Well, I have to get going” Miss Wyatt looked at her phone. “Good luck” she whispered in a way Maria didn't particularly like.

Mack rolled her eyes at that whisper, which made Maria all the more suspicious.

“I'll call you in a couple of days to check in” she said, then left.

Mack stood there awkwardly, putting her hands in the oversized jeans she was wearing.

An uneasy atmosphere settled in. She wasn't a baby, she was old enough that you could talk to her but not that old that either of them knew what kind of stuff she would like to talk about. So they just stood there awkwardly for a moment.

Maria cleared her voice. “So, how about we head home, too?”

Mack just shrugged.

That was not going to be easy, not that they ever thought it would, but now that they were in that situation, it was pretty clear it would take some time to adjust for all of them.

They drove home in Maria's car and the ride was still awkward and silent, but it wasn't hostile or excessively uncomfortable.

“Do you have other bags?” Natasha asked her as they got off the car and she grabbed her one small suitcase from the back, offering her a hand.

“No, but I also have this” she pointed to the backpack she was carrying herself.

Maria felt her heart sink.

“So, we prepared your room, but if there's something you don't like you can tell us and we'll change it right away, alright?” she said smiling and opening the door.

She made a skeptic face but said nothing and let Natasha guide her by the hand towards the aforementioned room.

As soon as the door was opened, she froze.

The room was pretty big, it had a twin bed, one big closet, a desk, a nightstand, and a bookshelf her height with four empty shelves.

“This is _my_ room? Are you sure they didn't give you the wrong kid?”

Maria and Natasha looked at each other, taken aback. Maria chuckled.

“We're sure, Mack.”

“Do you like it?” Natasha asked.

“Do I like it? It's huge. And it's green!”

Maria smirked. “We knew it's your favorite color, so Natasha painted it that way.”

The kid looked up at Maria, then at Natasha.

“Do you want me to help you sort your clothes out?” Maria asked.

She shrugged and lowered her eyes.

“What if we leave it for now and the three of us can go make some dinner together?” Natasha proposed, squeezing a little the girl's hand. “Would that be okay?”

She shrugged again, but raised her eyes towards Natasha.

They went into the kitchen and Mack got up on one of the stools at the kitchen island, while Natasha took the other.

“What's your favorite food? Your file said fries, but that's not an entire meal so you name something else and I'll make anything you want” Maria said with a smile.

“Really? Anything?”

“Yeah, it's your first night here, we should celebrate.”

She snorted. “The people I go stay with usually celebrate when I leave.”

Maria's smile was gone in an instant. She didn't know what to say to that.

“I like pizza” Natasha said.

Mack brightened up a little. “We can have pizza?”

“I'll order fries, too” Maria said. “Just for tonight, because we're celebrating” she added. “I'll make you healthy meals from tomorrow on.”

She went to pick up her wallet, phone and keys.

“I'll be right back, okay? You two behave.”

Mack frowned, watching her leave.

“Don't adults usually just order pizza on the phone?” she asked.

“Adults usually do” Natasha confirmed. “But you saw how our house is pretty well hid from view and there are a lot of security systems here.”

She stared at her, deep in thought.

“So you _are_ a model, then. Or an actress. And you don't want people to know where you live” she guessed.

Natasha smirked. “Don't adults usually ask the questions?”

Mack smiled back at her. “My teachers all say I'm too noisy” she said like she was proud of it.

“What's in your bag? Is it something you're not supposed to have?” she asked raising an eyebrow, showing she could be noisy as well.

Mack's smile vanished and she looked down, shrugging. She got down from the stool and headed for the room she left the suitcase in. Natasha quietly followed her.

Mack took it, laid it on the floor and opened it, then turned to Natasha.

She waited, but when Mack didn't say anything, she peeked inside.

“I guess sooner or later you would have seen it.”

Natasha knelt down, going through the half full suitcase. Inside she found two pair of jeans, five T-shirts and a couple sweaters.

“This won't do” she muttered. “ _This is too big, that one's worn out_ ” she thought to herself.

“You two seem so nicely dressed and the house is so big” Mack told her. “Why didn't you get a better kid? Nobody wants me around, I usually get all the worst families since I broke the TV in house number two.”

“Oh, I hate our TV, the sound can't even be turned up anymore, but Maria won't change it, because it was a present. So, if you break it, you'll be doing me a favor, really” she smiled and gently laid an hand on the kid's shoulder.

Mack smiled at her.

“You have Harry Potter” she noted, picking it out of the suitcase. “This is the first, this is the third. Where are the others?”

“These two are the only ones I have. But I read two and four, a boy in one foster home let me borrow them.”

“Did you like them?”

“Yes, they're awesome. I like to read, I like adventures. But this is better” she said, picking out another book, a school book, from the bag. “It's physics and mechanics for kids. I like to take things apart and I like fixing stuff. But I'm having a bit of a hard time with the second part.”

Natasha kept herself from laughing.

“Sometimes to fix something you have to break it more, you know?” Mack explained. “But usually when they catch me they stop me from fixing them, so that's why Miss Daniels said I broke her TV, but I was just trying to make it work again.”

“I agree. To know what's wrong you have to take things apart and peek inside.”

Mack nodded.

“Can I put this on the shelf?” Natasha asked, nodding in the direction of the bookshelf.

“Sure. Can I put the clothes in the closet?”

Natasha chuckled. “It's your closet.”

Mack looked down and shrugged. “It usually isn't for long.”

Natasha watched her arrange her things. “This one will be, hopefully” she whispered.

They went back to the kitchen and she had Mack help her set the table. Maria returned with the pizza, still hot, and a lot of fries. They sat down and ate, while both of them asked Mack about what she liked to do, her birthday, everything they already read in the files. They weren't at all bored of hearing it all from her, on the contrary, it was nice and she brightened up thorough the meal, as she told them weird stories about the last school she was in.

  


Maria was the one who took her to brush her teeth and then bed, she asked her if she wanted a light, but she didn't, if she wanted her to read her something, but she just shook her head. She asked her if there was anything at all she needed, but again, she said no. So Maria just told her, if she thought of something, to go knock on their door or look for them in the living room if it wasn't that late.

When she went back to the kitchen Natasha had already washed the dishes.

“Do you want me to sleep in the guest room? I know I can't stay on the couch, Mack might get up and that would be a difficult conversation to have on her first night here” she said with a neutral tone she hadn't used all day, not turning away from the sink.

Maria sighed. “It's your home, too, Natasha” she repeated the words the other woman said the day before. “And it's your bed, too. We shared one for eight years, we can manage for a few more months” she whispered.

It was like a sharp knife had just made its way through her chest when she heard Maria say those words.

“Did you, I don't know, mark the day in a calendar or something? Do we have an expiration date like yogurt?” her words came out harsher than intended.

She felt Maria's hand in hers and turned a little to look at her.

“You know I didn't mean it like that. I said I'll give you the chance to explain and I will. Let's go to bed, Natasha” she told her almost softly.

Tired and hurt, Natasha said nothing and followed her lead.

Maybe, she hoped, maybe Mack was right. Maybe things, sometimes, had to be broken even further, before you could finally start to try to fix them again.

  



	2. Step 2: Stare at the Ruins

Step 2: Stare at the Ruins

  


Natasha went to Mack's room at nine o'clock the next day to wake her up, but when she knocked the answer came immediately, inviting her to come in.

She did and she saw her at the desk, her physic book in front of her and a pencil in her hand, already dressed.

“Good morning. How long have you been up?” she asked her, frowning.

“I don't know, there isn't a clock” she pointed out. “A while.”

“Why didn't you call us?”

She shrugged. “I didn't need anything and I didn't want to bother you, I stayed as quiet as possible since I got up. Adults usually get angry if I'm loud.”

“You didn't need anything?” Natasha repeated, a little baffled. “What about breakfast?”

“It's fine, I'm not so hungry.”

Natasha crossed her arms and leaned on the door.

“Too bad, because I made you pancakes. I guess I'll just throw them away, then” she said in a causal tone and then sighed dramatically.

“Well, if you already made them” Mack said, trying not to sound too hopeful.

“Come on. Maria didn't say goodbye because she thought you were sleeping and she was sad she had to go to work without saying bye, you know?” she told her as they were walking to the kitchen island. “So, how about you tell us when you wake up? We could have breakfast together.”

“Okay. I'm sorry she was sad.”

“It's fine” Natasha smiled. “You didn't know, you did nothing wrong” she added, not wanting her to feel guilty. “I have to run some errands this morning, but I hope it won't take too long.”

“Okay, I won't touch anything. Or, I don't know your rules, I won't come out of the room if that's better.”

“Do you think I'm leaving you alone? You're eight” she chuckled, but she stopped immediately as she saw the look on Mack's face, a look that told her it happened a lot of times before. “I was hoping you would want to come with me.”

“Sure, I was already bored anyway, I already read that book three times” she shrugged.

As soon as she was done eating her pancakes, they went outside and Natasha took her to their second garage.

“This is not yesterday's car” Mack pointed out.

“No, that was Maria's car. This is mine. Do you like it?”

“It looks super fast.”

“It is super fast” Natasha confirmed, helping her get into the backseat. “It's also super safe, I had them make some adjustments.”

The last Maserati she had ended up with all the right side covered in bullet holes, the front smashed and the passenger's side destroyed. That one wasn't as easy to ruin.

She put on some music and they ended up talking about Mack's favorite bands and singers – Taylor Swift and One Direction were her favorites, Natasha decided immediately that if, or rather when, she would inevitably end up bringing Mack to some of their concerts, Tony could never know about that.

“Oh, that shop looks so nice” Natasha casually said. “We should take a look” she noted and parked, not letting Mack know she spent half an hour researching the biggest kid clothes store in all of New York that morning.

They went in and as soon as they stepped inside a girl was by their side.

“Hi, how can I help you today?”

“Hi” Natasha smiled from behind her sunglasses. “We were taking a look around” she said, then looked down at Mack. “Do you see something you like?”

She shrugged and looked around again, not particularly interested in anything specific. Then, she realized it was all kids clothes.

“Let's start with some jeans, okay? She's eight, do you think you can find the right size?” the girl nodded once. “Three different shades of blue, one gray, one black, please” Natasha whispered to the salesgirl while Mack was distracted looking around. “We'll pick some shirts and meet you near the changing room, if that's okay?” she slid her fifty bucks.

The girl nodded incredulously. “I'll be right back.”

“Thank you so much.”

Natasha gently guided Mack towards the shirts section.

“This one is cute, do you like it?” she picked out a green one with a blue flower.

“It's pretty. I like it. But this one's prettier” she pointed to an orange one with Lisa Simpson's face printed on it. “Or this one” there was a black one with the words 'I'm cute'.

Natasha picked up all three.

“You'll need something with long sleeves, too. Do you like dresses?”

“Not really.”

“Okay, then let's try these on for now. Are you sure you don't like any other ones? I think this one is pretty cute” she pointed to a white one that looked like rainbow colors were dropped on it from above.

“That's cool.”

“This one too, then.”

“But there's no point, if we have to pick one with long sleeves” she said as they walked towards the changing room.

“Well, one thing at a time. Let's start with the jeans, our friend is waiting for us” she said, spotting the girl with her arms full of jeans. “Thank you so much!”

She made Mack try them all on, they all fitted perfectly.

“If I can be the one to pick, can I please have the black ones?” she asked hopefully as they set the pants aside and started with the t-shirts.

“We're buying them all, sweetheart” Natasha told her resolutely.

“Really?! But there were five!”

“Yes, and we're taking all these, too” she said after she saw the first one fitted. “They're the same size, so they'll do. Let's pick some long-sleeved and some sweaters. And a coat, of course.”

She made the girl take all the things to the cashier, while the went into the next aisle.

“Natasha?” Mack called.

“Yes?”

“What if the next kid isn't my same height?”

She froze and turned to her. “What?”

“You're buying all these things, but what if you send me away, too?”

“We're not. We're not sending you anywhere, Mack” she gently squeezed the kid's shoulder. “But even if something happened and you had to leave, I'll make sure you have these clothes with you. They're yours, now. Okay? They have to fit you and nobody else.”

Her voice was soft but firm, to leave no doubt she meant every word.

“I'm having fun” she said, starting to walk again. “Aren't you?”

Mack started walking beside her. Natasha felt a small hand taking her own.

“Yes, I've never been to a shop this big before.”

She smiled and squeezed a little the tiny hand in her own.

  


They had lunch and Natasha made sure, as Maria firmly instructed, Mack had a complete meal with all the necessary nutrients.

Then they went and bought all the things Mack was going to need when she was going to start school on Monday. They put her in a private school, a S.H.I.E.L.D. affiliated one, which guaranteed maximum discretion to all the students and their parents. They brought textbooks, notebooks, everything she might ever need and more, Natasha got it.

It was starting to get late, so they headed to the grocery store and then home.

“Do you like cooking?”

“Yeah.”

“How about we make something for dinner?”

“It'd be nice, so Maria won't be sad anymore because I didn't say bye this morning.”

Natasha internally grimaced. She noted never to say something that could make Mack feel guilty, not even if it wasn't intentional.

So they went to the store and then home.

They put away the groceries together, then Natasha helped as she arranged her new clothes and her new supplies.

When they managed to start thinking about what to cook, Maria was already coming through the front door.

“Hi” she greeted Mack and Natasha with a smile. “How was your day?” she asked.

“It was super fun” Natasha said, looking at Mack for a confirmation.

She nodded. “I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye this morning” she told her quietly. “I was awake but I thought I would just bother you.”

Natasha grimaced, fortunately Mack didn't see her. But Maria did.

“You're never bothering us” she told her gently, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Why don't you tell me how your day was?”

Mack was just convinced by her sweet smile and let the topic go, starting to tell Maria all the things they did together that day.

  


They ended up cooking together and talking while they ate, Maria told her about the job she had and what she had to do everyday. Mack seemed interested and happy that she was sharing with her, it warmed her heart.

After her bedtime routine she asked her again if she wanted something and Mack again said she was just fine. Maria reminded her again she was never bothering them and she could ask for things she wanted without worry they would turn her down without at least considering it.

She tucked her sheets, kissed her forehead, turned the lights off and quietly closed the door.

She went back to the kitchen, but it was dark and Natasha was nowhere in sight, so she headed to their bedroom. She found her sitting on the bed, hands on her knees, back upright and rigid. She knew that poise.

Maria sat down beside her.

“I already screwed up.”

“She seemed pretty happy with the day you had” Maria countered.

“I was worried she wouldn't tell us when she woke up, because she didn't this morning, that she would miss breakfast, so I told her you wanted to say goodbye before leaving. I thought it would make her understand she has to come to us, but” she sighed and closed her eyes.

“She thought you were reprimanding her” Maria finished softly.

“She felt guilty when she did absolutely nothing wrong. It was my fault.”

“You wanted to do what was best for her, we need her to call us when she wakes up, Nat” she said, laying a hand on top of Natasha's on her knee.

“But I screwed it up. I'm ruining this already, I'm-”

“You did great. It was just the first day. We can't be perfect parents on our first day, Natasha. We're going to do some mistakes, yes, but we're also going to sort them out. We already overcame this one, pretty much.”

“What if I'm an horrible mother? What if I keep making mistakes?”

“You won't. I've never known anyone who learned as fast as you.”

“What if this is something I can't learn?”

“You're already pretty good, I'd say, certainly better than I am. I feel like she's uncomfortable around me and I have no idea how to make it better, I have no idea how to drop the authority attitude and make her feel comfortable. But I do know one thing.”

Natasha turned to her as she felt the touch on her hand tighten.

“We can do this, together.”

“Maria, I can't do this without you. I'm not even sure I can live, sleep, breath without you. But I'm one hundred percent sure, I can't raise a child without you.”

Maria paused for a moment. The felt doubt creeping in, a bitter response was begging to be let out, to crawl out of her lips, but she bit it back.

“You won't have to” she told her. “We're going to do this together.”

She searched her eyes for a long moment, then nodded. Maria nodded back, then squeezed her hand again. They sat in silence for a long moment, before she got up and went into their bathroom.

Natasha kept sitting there, longing for an hug, a kiss, a closeness, she knew weren't going to come anytime soon.

  


Natasha woke up and the only thing she could hear was the shower in their bathroom. She looked at her phone on the nightstand to check the time and it was only a couple minutes past seven. Maria was already getting ready for work, that meant she woke up at six to do her morning work out, it was consistent with the fact that they went to sleep so early. She stretched and got up to head to the kitchen.

She made coffee and took three different boxes of cereals from the cabinet.

It wasn't after long that Mack appeared into the room, already dressed in her old clothes and rubbing her eyes a little.

“Good morning” Natasha told her, smiling.

“Morning” she got on the stool and watched as Natasha put just one bowl on the island. “Did I miss her today, too?”

“No, sweetheart, she's getting ready. It's quite early, actually” she told her with a warm smile. “Do you want the chocolate ones” she pointed to one of the boxes she took. “The fruity ones” she went on listing. “Or” she was pretty sure she never saw those before, she certainly never brought them and the box was already opened. “Never mind, these are disgusting fiber concentrates that only a person as healthy as Maria can eat. Unless you like paper, in which case” she shook the box a little, with a smirk.

Mack laughed. “May I have the chocolate ones, please?”

Natasha opened the box and put some in her bowl, then filled it with milk. She gave her a spoon and a glass of orange juice.

“Do you want a banana? Or grapes, or an apple” she listed, peeking into the fridge to see what kind of fruit they had.

“You already gave me cereals” Mack told her as if she somehow forgot.

“Yes, but you need some kind of fruit. At least, a book I've been reading says so.”

“Okay then, what are _you_ having?”

Natasha wanted to look at her as if she was outraged someone could ever think she might possibly willingly eat fruit that early in the morning, but she quickly realized how hypocritical that was and she couldn't easily explain to Mack she didn't need vitamins because she was an enhanced super soldier, so she was left with no choice.

“An...orange?” she said reluctantly.

“You don't really eat that healthy, do you?” Mack tried not to smirk and failed epically.

“What gave it away? Was it saying Maria's cereals taste like paper?”

“They don't taste like paper, they taste like healthy food” Maria told her, walking into the kitchen and going to sit next to Mack. “Good morning. Did you sleep well?”

“Yes, thank you.”

Natasha handed a bowl to Maria, too, that she proudly filled with her cereals as Natasha went for the chocolate ones.

“Okay, maybe they do taste like paper a little bit” Maria agreed on the second spoon. “Might be because this box as been open for three months, though.”

Natasha chuckled, then frowned.

The day before they had pancakes. But had she really not opened the cupboard in three months? It wasn't possible. Was it? She tried to remember the last time she and Maria ate breakfast together in their own home and she could not, for the life of hers, point one single occasion in the last three months.

She knew she hadn't been home much recently, but had she really been that distant?

Then she suddenly realized something, she was honestly not sure how she could have missed it before, but in that moment it was so simply irrefutable.

_Lawyers don't work on weekends._

“Don't you like them?” Mack's voice caught her attention. “You're not eating anymore” she pointed out, so Natasha faked a smile and resumed her breakfast.

Maria was eying her with slightly concerned eyes.

“So, Natasha will take you to your new school tomorrow morning” Maria told Mack, averting her gaze from Natasha herself. “You will have to take a little test, nothing you need to prepare for, so they can put you in a fitting class.”

She nodded. “I was going to start fourth grade, but the last school said I had to repeat third grade because moving around so much I missed too many days.”

“Well, your new principal will decide that with your teachers.”

Maria supervised the foundation and development of that school, she trusted they knew what would be best for Mackanzie.

“We'll talk to them after you're done and see what they tell us. What would you prefer?”

She shrugged. “I won't know anyone anyway, so it's the same, really. I'll just be so bored in third grade, I was already reading fourth and fifth graders books the first time I did it.”

They kept chatting, finishing breakfast together and then Maria went to finish getting ready, then left for work.

Natasha and Mack spent the morning doing some chores. In the afternoon they went out and picked out a clock for Mack's room, so she would know what time it was when she woke up.

They just came back and Natasha was making them both a snack when her phone started ringing, she picked up without checking the caller.

“Hello?”

“ _I had to know Maria is fostering a kid from Tony Stark_.”

“Clint?”

“ _I had to let Stark tell me that his girlfriend told him that my best friend's wife just started fostering a little girl. That hurt Natasha, I'm offended_.”

“Clint, this isn't a good time.”

“ _Well, too bad. I didn't even know you guys made up, last time you spoke to me you just told me she was mad._ ”

“She was beyond mad. She still is” she whispered and sighed. “Look, it's complicated. We just- wait a second, how does Tony know about this?”

“ _Maria asked Pepper for a day off. That hasn't happened since Ultron tried to destroy the world, so it ensured her an hour of inquisition. She eventually told her_.”

“But she didn't say it was with me” she whispered rhetorically.

“ _Don't say it like that. You're the one who never wanted to let your friends know about your marriage, Natasha. What was she supposed to do?_ ”

“She agreed with me, Clint.”

“ _Five years ago, maybe! But she thought, you know, you eventually would say something. We all did._ ”

“What side are you on?”

“ _Yours, like always. You know I did the same, but eventually, when the time was right..._ ” he didn't finish the sentence, letting her imagine where he was going. “ _Look, I'm just saying you could have called. I didn't know you were going to do this._ ”

“Yeah, well. Neither was I” she scoffed. “It's really complicated. We have that dinner at Stark on Saturday, I'll tell you then. I have to go, now.”

He sighed. “ _See you then._ ”

  


When Maria got home, the first thing through the door was a huge wrapped package.

Both Mack and Natasha stared at her as she sat it on the couch, next to them.

“Natasha and I got you a present” she told her smiling.

Mack frowned. “That's for me? But wasn't the pizza a present? And the clothes? And the notebooks?”

“No, those were things you needed” Natasha told her, nudging her gently towards the gift and turning the television off. Not that it was such a disturbance, since the sound couldn't be turned up to a decent level.

Mack slowly approached the end of the couch and started taking off the paper.

“Oh my God! It's all seven Harry Potter's!”

Maria gave her a bright smile. “Someone told me you were missing a few, I thought it would be nice for you to have the whole collection.”

“Thank you so much! This is the best present in the world, I'm so happy!” she hugged both Maria and Natasha, then Maria helped her carry them into her own room and put her on one of the shelves she could easily reach.

Mack immediately took the fifth book.

“Can I start this?”

“Of course you can. I'll call you when dinner's ready.”

She close the door and went back to the living room with an happiness she hadn't felt in quite a while. Her mood dropped as soon as she saw Natasha. Her arms were crossed, her stance rigid, she was deep in thought.

“Anything you want to tell me?” she asked without looking at Maria.

Maria sighed, sitting down in the armchair and ran a hand through her hair.

“What was I supposed to tell her? I told you I'd try to see if I could come with you tomorrow when she has to take the test, so I could talk to the principal.”

“You've been in S.H.I.E.L.D. for a decade and suddenly you can't lie to Pepper?”

“Why are you taking it this hard? I left you out of this” she sighed again.

“Do you understand how dangerous it is-”

“For God's sake, Natasha, they're our friends. I don't think Pepper will-”

“She told Tony, didn't she? Tony told Clint, probably the other Avengers, too. He even tried to call me.”

“So what?”

Natasha looked at her incredulously. “ _So what_? Well, what if the next crazy guy that comes around targets you or her because you're my family? That's on me.”

“No, that's on me” Maria told her quietly but harshly. “People came after me before, I'm not only your wife, Natasha. You said it yourself, I've been in S.H.I.E.L.D. for a decade, I can handle myself. And as for Mack, we can protect her, I know we can. I'm not saying I'm telling everyone about her, but I want to believe they won't tell this to someone who might harm her. You know I think you're the only person I can completely trust, but Pepper is my friend. And so is Tony” she admitted with a heavy sigh. “She didn't tell him, he was there when we spoke. And he asked me if he could tell the others, because the reason he called them is that I explained the life she had and he wanted to gather the Avengers just to surprise her, because he's my friend and this could make Mack a little happier, you'd know that if you answered your phone.”

Natasha looked at her, processing her words.

“They're not going to hurt me or Mack, if anything they'll help protect her. They're my friends, too, and I respected your decision to never tell them about us. But Mack relies on us now, every time she's sick or she skips school for some reason and I need the day off, every dinner Tony has that I can't come to because I have to stay with her, every single time she needs me, I can't just make excuse after excuse at work.”

“You're saying it was easier this way. But what you really mean is you did it because you wanted to” Natasha said with a hard tone.

“Well” Maria chuckled humorlessly. “I wanted to say a lot of things that I never said. But I did it this time because this is what is best for her. I told you. I want to be there whenever she needs me. I hope you'll understand this choice.”

She got up and started to leave, but Natasha's voice stopped her.

“Lawyers don't work on weekends.”

Maria turned around slowly, facing her. There was no denying that.

“How long?” she asked, raising her eyes towards her. “How long did you have the divorce papers for?”

Maria just stared at her.

Natasha didn't lower her gaze. It was quiet for a few seconds, then Maria sighed.

“Two and a half months. You missed our anniversary, you and Clint just disappeared again without a word. I honestly thought you wouldn't come back. I remember thinking it the first time you vanished, too. Sometimes, Natasha, I think I might have been right, I think you never really did come back.”

She turned around and left without another word.

  


Maria helped Mack with her bed routing for the third night in a row, then helped her prepare a backpack she insisted she needed, even if Maria told her she was just going to do the test.

“Do you want me to help you pick out your clothes or will you do it tomorrow?”

“Have you seen the things Natasha brought for me?” she answered, opening her closet right away, and showing her everything they got the day before. “I like this color” she said, picking out a light blue pair of jeans.

“They would go nicely with this shirt” she said, picking up the Lisa Simpson's shirt.

Mack smiled. “I like this one.”

Maria returned the smile, sweetly tucking her hair behind her ear.

“Come on, let's get you into bed.”

“Hey, Maria?”

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Do you know how you always ask if I want you to read me something? I thought maybe you could read Harry Potter with me.”

Maria immediately nodded. “I would like that, very much.”

“Did you read the first?”

“No, I'm afraid I've never read Harry Potter, but I don't mind picking up where you left” she smiled, hoping Mack wouldn't change her mind.

“It's fine, I can read the fifth one by myself and we can re-read them together from the start, since you got me the new ones.”

“That's a great idea.”

Mack ran to take the book and handed it to Maria, then got into bed and settled in.

Maria cleared her voice.

“ _Mr and Mrs Dursley, of number four_ , _Privet Drive_ , were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much” she started out loud, Mack listening closely to her voice.

When they finished the second chapter Maria told her it was time to sleep, so she put in a bookmark, tucked her in and kissed her on the forehead, before turning off the lights on her way out.

When she got into her own bedroom, Natasha was already there, turned on her side, facing away from her, with her eyes closed.

She got into bed too, looking at the ceiling, her nightstand lamp turned on.

“I've been sleeping next to you for eight years, I know when you're asleep and when you're just ignoring me.”

All was quiet for a moment. But not for too long.

“Well, since I wasn't the one who left the room before dinner, I thought you didn't want me to say anything.”

Maria turned on her side, too, facing away from her wife.

“I'm sorry I was never enough” she said to the wall. “Both when it came to talk to others about me or to talk to me about other things. I'm sorry that I couldn't be the person you trusted when you decided to do whatever you've been doing for the past eighteen months.”

Natasha would have expected some kind of sarcasm in those words, some harshness, but there was none.

“Why are you apologizing for my mistakes?”

There was a long pause. Maria's voice was low and sad.

“If I was stronger, or braver, if I was a superhero, you would have told me. You would have let me help you, like you let Clint. And buried under everything else, under all the rage and loneliness and despite not understanding what is going on or why you didn't tell me, the one thing that hurts me the most is knowing you've been going through this alone because you didn't think I could do it with you, that I couldn't be by your side. So yes, I am apologizing for that.”

Natasha knew that couldn't have been easy for Maria to admit.

She never liked to be vulnerable, but she was with Natasha because she trusted her. And that led her to hope there still was a chance she could fix things, because Maria still felt like she could be vulnerable around her.

She shifted and got closer to her, carefully placing a hand on her upper arm.

“You're the strongest, bravest person I know, Maria.”

When she didn't respond, Natasha got even closer to her, not enough to touch her, but enough to smell her perfume.

“But bravest doesn't mean immortal. I told you, I can't live without you. I couldn't risk losing you, not over this.”

Then she heard her own words and realized the irony.

“I guess I actually _did_ lose you over this. Just not in the way I was afraid of.”

That finally made Maria turn around to look at her. She shook her head and frowned, balancing herself on her elbow mirroring Natasha's position.

“I'm right here, Natasha.”

“You're just waiting. You made up your mind when you gave me those papers.”

“I was mad! Banner said you had a thing, Barnes was hitting on you and I am just _so_ tired Natasha. You kissed Steve and told me it was your way of figuring him out, was it the same thing you were trying to do with Banner? You wanted to sleep with him to figure him out?”

“I didn't want to sleep with him! I was doing what Fury told me and I thought you knew, you were the one who always knew his plans!”

“Fury told you to hit on Banner?”

“Fury told me to make sure he stayed. And he did stay, didn't he? I knew that the things I told him were enough to intrigue him and I said it in a way I was sure would make him reject me. You know how good I am at manipulating, do you really think that if I wanted to sleep with him I wouldn't have? I don't. I don't want to sleep with anyone except you for the rest of my life” she said in maybe a harsher tone than planned.

“You didn't really go out of your way to show me that!” Maria snapped back.

“Why are we arguing in this really uncomfortable position?” Natasha asked suddenly, sighing and dropping down on her back.

Maria turned on her back, too.

“I never cheated on you. And Clint wasn't with me, not at first at least, he just disappeared with me because he took me where I needed to go with a Quinjet and dropped me off. He was just my pilot, this was a thing I had to do alone.”

“The fact that you were completely alone makes it worse, Nat” Maria told her quietly. “You won't even tell me what this thing was.”

“I went to my parent's grave.”

Maria sighed, shaking her head lightly.

“That was before you left for the first time, I was with you when you visited them, Natasha” she said like she thought Natasha was making excuses.

“Yes, we went, we saw them. But I saw someone else, in Russia, too. Bezukhov was waiting for me to go back.”

“Wasn't he dead?” she frowned. “Wait, when was this?”

“Apparently, he wasn't. He was training other girls. Starkovsky was there, too. It was when I left the hotel because I needed to be alone. I was lucky I didn't find him when we were together.”

“How _did_ you find him?” Maria turned to her and frowned.

“I told you, he was waiting for me. He used the same facility, he was practically begging me to blow it up.”

“But there were girls inside.”

Natasha nodded, still staring at the ceiling.

“You don't have to tell me if you're not ready.”

“I am. It's just- I knew I would probably never come back out, but then I thought that if I could save just two of those girls, why would their lives be worth less than mine? I came home, I tried to go on with my life, but I couldn't, everyday I didn't help them was a day of constant torture for them. You know how S.H.I.E.L.D. is, they took days even to verify I didn't make it up, then they started surveillance, since the temporary director was an idiot. And in the mean time, I already had a perfectly good plan.”

Maria knew it wasn't all, so she kept quiet.

“So I went back, I went in. And I came out, all the girls lived and I saved the day. And nobody would ever know, no news reports, no interviews, I could just save them.”

“You tracked more down” there was no trace of a question in her voice.

“Yes. And I left again. Always the same M.O., I studied the place for a week or two, then went in overnight and took them all out. Then I realized, this girls had nowhere to go. So I got Clint to give them new identities, scatter them around the world, return home the ones that still had one, whatever they wanted. But” she blinked and turned her head.

Maria's eyes were sad and loving at the same time. Hers were hunted.

“It was never over. There was always one more. When after eight or nine months I stopped, Clint was the one who couldn't. He kept tracking them and I knew if he went alone he would get himself killed in two hours.”

“So you kept going back.”

“It wasn't just Russia anymore. There were three there, sure, but one was in Slovakia, one was in Finland. Two were in South America, one in Brazil and one in Chile. Three all over Africa, and Maria, five were here in the States.”

“How is this possible?”

“I don't know. Phil helped once he had a saying again, S.H.I.E.L.D. is still short-handed but after the first two times, since I barely made it out, I asked for a team.”

“Why not take your own team?” Maria asked, concerned. “They- _we_ would have helped.”

“I told you. I couldn't lose you. Not over this. The Red Room has taken so much from me already, I can't lose you to this. And they would have fled the second all the other missions went public, I couldn't risk bringing the Avengers along with the press they ensure. I had to do this.”

“But you didn't have to do it alone” Maria countered.

“I couldn't-”

“Don't. I can handle myself” she told her a little harshly. “I'm a good agent, probably better than the ones Phil sent you.”

“I know you are. But having you there meant making safer choices. And that meant we risked someone got out and warned the rest of the facilities.”

“So you just went on a reckless rampage and risked again and again getting yourself killed? How is that better than letting me be there, than letting me help?”

“It wasn't like that.”

“It sounds like that, Natasha. What if you _died_ out there” she told her, her breathing increasing in speed. “What then? A random guy would have come at the door with a flag in his hands, to tell me he was sorry for my loss?” she sat up and scoffed.

“Not likely, how would they even find the house?”

Maria turned and gave her a very hard look. Natasha sat up, too.

“You risked your life.”

“We both do that quite often.”

“No, we make plans, we take balanced decisions. You just-” she sighed and looked down, shaking her head. “You could have _died_.”

“I didn't.”

“Natasha, I can't live if you die. You said you kept me out of this because you didn't want to lose me over this, but I can't live if you don't.”

Natasha chuckled with sarcasm. “You wanted a divorce a week ago. You were fine leaving me then.”

“I wasn't leaving you, I was setting you _free_.”

Natasha scoffed again, then she realized Maria was actually serious. The brunette averted her eyes and ran a hand through her hair.

“You kept coming and going and you were never severely injured on the outside when you came back, so I just assumed you were going away because you didn't want to be here. I- I thought” she forced herself to say what she'd been afraid of “you kept coming back out of obligation. And that wasn't fair to you. I kept living under water for eighteen months, only coming up for air when you came back. And the more I was breathless, the more I would feel relieved when you came home. But it wasn't fair, because the air I was breathing, it felt like I was stealing that from your own lungs. It felt like you were the one under water any time you were here, drowning when I wasn't and breathing only when you left.”

“That's why you started thinking you weren't enough” Natasha realized. “Because I was distant, you thought I didn't want to be here.”

“Yes. So I started giving you space, hoping you would tell me in your own time. When you didn't, I assumed you just didn't want to. That you were here because you felt obligated.”

“I never felt that way. Every time I came home I swore it was the last time I left, and I hoped it would be. But new facilities came up again and again. You started being cold and I didn't see it as you giving me space, I saw it as you giving up on me.”

“I won't ever give up on you. Not even if we end up signing that divorce. I will always care about you, Natasha.”

Those words were like a dagger went through her chest to Natasha. She dropped her gaze at those words and laid down again, turning her back on Maria.

“But you don't just stay married to someone because you care about them” she finished for Maria, before she could add something else.

“You know that's not what I meant.”

“I told you what I wanted to say. Thanks for listening” she said curtly.

Maria wanted to ask if there was really nothing else she wanted to add, if this was everything left to say between them, if she was really just going to leave it at that.

But then, she remember her own words. _Not today, and not all at once._

If Natasha still had something to say, she would do so in her own time.

“Goodnight, Natasha” she whispered, laying down and turning off the light.

She waited and waited, but the room was quiet.

“I was trying to do something good. I know it seems stupid now, but I thought I was doing the best thing I could. But because I couldn't stop or talk about it, I lost the best thing I ever had.”

Maria listened carefully to her words. Then she moved and got closer to Natasha, touching her arm like Natasha did before, in a comforting gesture.

“ _If_ you're talking about me” Natasha scoffed loudly at that, and Maria smiled a little, unseen in the dark. “You didn't lose me. I'm right here.”

Just like she did with Mack earlier, she kissed Natasha's head tenderly.

“Goodnight, Natasha” she said again.

That time, the response came almost immediately.

“Goodnight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every time I re-read this I find new mistakes, so someone eventually has to take one for the time and start to be my beta-reader (just joking, but if you want to correct me please do so and I'll fix it!).
> 
> Hope you liked the second part, let me know! Love to you all <3


	3. Step 3: Blank Slate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha takes some steps foreward and Mack is teaching them life lessons that they should know already.

Step 3: Blank Slate

  


They were waiting for Mack to finish, and Natasha was getting increasingly annoyed by Maria's incessant tapping against the armrest.

She suddenly put a hand on top of hers, effectively stopping the restless tapping.

“You're driving me insane, Maria.”

“Sorry.”

“I get it, I'm nervous, too.”

“I'm not nervous” she scolded her.

Natasha just raised an eyebrow and kept looking at her.

“What if she doesn't like the grade she's in?” Maria deadpanned, giving up on trying to seem calm about it. “Or the classes she has to take?”

“I know. But there's nothing we can do except waiting. Possibly without carving an hole in the chair in the meantime” she looked down at Maria's hands that finally stopped tapping, only to realize her own was still holding hers.

She let go immediately, feeling her skin warmer where they touched.

“Sorry” she muttered before she could stop herself.

“It's alright” Maria said just as quietly.

A few moments later Mack came back, taking the seat next to Maria's. She seemed dejected and looked up at Maria only after she put an arm around her shoulders.

“It was too easy. They're going to put me in third grade again” she told them. “I guess it's fine, I'd be bored in fourth, too.”

“Well, don't be so negative. Every test seems easy if you know the answers” Natasha pointed out, reaching across Maria to pat Mack in the knee gently. “I'm sure you did great.”

Mack smiled a little and leaned back, into Maria's protective hug.

“He said one of you can go talk to him in a couple of minutes” she told them, opening her backpack to put back in the pen she used.

“I'll go talk to him” Maria offered, getting up already.

Natasha wanted to stop her, argue about how she should go, or point out that it hadn't even been thirty seconds. But she had the feeling Maria would not listen to anything.

She knocked on the class door Mack had taken the test in and waited for the teacher to tell her to get in, then she opened the door and walked towards his desk.

“Hello, you must be Mackanzie's foster mom. I just talked to the principal about her. Would you like to sit down?”

Maria frowned. “Did you already go through her answers?”

“Yes, she's very smart, I was surprised by her score. Anyway, I-”

The door opened swiftly and the principal came in, looking very chipper.

“Maria, it is such a pleasure to see you again” he greeted her.

“Likewise, Paul” she smiled and shook his hand.

He turned to the desk. “What are you doing?” he addressed the teacher, his enthusiastic demeanor suddenly gone.

“I'm giving her the test results” he pointed out.

“I said this was an important student, I told you on the phone to wait for me so we could go to my office.”

“She was already here, she knocked and I thought it would save time.”

“I'm so sorry, Maria, please let's go to my office so we can discuss this” he made a gesture to invite her to precede him out of the room.

“Paul, I appreciate the concern, but there's no need to treat Mack any differently.”

“Well, we're not treating her differently I assure you” he told her, then paused. “I'm merely offering you a better chair to sit in.”

Maria smiled at him. She always liked Paul, they spent years together in S.H.I.E.L.D. and he always was a nice man. Natasha never liked him, for some reason.

“Should Mack be there, too, or just us?”

“Well, I think actually it would be better if she was there” the teacher said, getting up.

They exited the room and Maria turned the corner to call both Mack and Natasha, they were a little puzzled but followed her towards the principal office.

Paul got up when they entered.

“Natasha, is good to see you again” he offered her a hand, his voice not as happy as when he was greeting Maria.

“You, too” she responded curtly, shaking his hand.

Maria saw him stretch it, like Natasha squeezed it harder than strictly necessary, as he sat down again in his chair. She and Mack sat in the two chairs in front of him and Natasha stayed behind Mack's chair, taking off her baseball cap and her sunglasses now that they were in private.

“So, I went through Mackanzie's score and- holy s-” the teacher stammered and stopped. “You're Natasha Romanoff.”

“The test score, Gavin” Paul reprimanded him.

He stumbled over his word a little, then cleared his voice.

Natasha raised an eyebrow towards Maria, she just pretended not to notice.

“So, she doesn't have to repeat third grade. She knew all the answer to the fourth grade questions, too, actually. And, well, even most of fifth grade questions. It's your choice, of course, but judging by her IQ, her knowledge of English literature, History, Maths and the other subjects, I would recommend sixth grade.”

“I'm sorry, what?” Maria thought she heard wrong.

“We can find a spot in fifth or even fourth if you don't want her to skip a year” the teacher reassured her. “But she would be bored out of her mind. We had a talk as I started to check on her answers, since she was pretty fast, and she told me in her last foster home her older brother gave her his old books from fourth and fifth grade. I thought she wasn't serious when she said she read the better part of it, but” he shrugged a little. “She did great in Math and Physics and she's really smart, we can assign her a tutor so she can catch up to the harder classes if she has a hard time, but I'm confident she would do fine.”

“I want to point out again that this is completely your choice” Paul said. “But a lot of smart kids get bored in class and start ignoring homework or tests because it's not challenging enough, I was under the impression that this might be one of those cases.”

Maria didn't know what to say.

“This is a lot to process” Natasha pointed out. “Can we have a couple of days to talk about this, to take a decision?”

“Of course, it's quite a lot to think about” the teacher agreed. “You can let us know on Monday and she can start her classes then.”

Natasha nodded and turned to Maria to see her expression, but her wife was closely watching Mack's reaction to what they told them.

  


The drive was silent and when they got home they went to seat on the couch to talk things through. Maria was a little worried because Mack reverted back to silence.

“So, what do you think about what they said?” she asked a little nervously.

Mack looked at her, then turned to Natasha with a frown.

“Why did the teacher know your name?”

Maria and Natasha exchanged a look.

“Mack, we wanted to ask what would you prefer, staying in fourth grade or skipping a year or possibly two?” Maria tried again.

Mack kept looking at Natasha skeptically, then turned to Maria, shrugging.

“Aren't you guys deciding for me anyway?”

“No, we're talking about this with you because we want your opinion. We would like to talk about this and reach a compromise, right Natasha?”

Natasha nodded without saying anything.

“I think I'd like to skip a year, I was really bored in third grade, and I think I'll probably be in fourth, too. But sixth grade is like, middle school. I'm not sure I'm ready.”

“Well, think about it and whatever you decide we will support you and help you” Maria told her with a smile. “But I think, if you commit to it, you might be ready for it. Mr Smith thinks so” Maria pointed out.

“Okay, I'll think about it. You lose all the battles you don't fight, after all” she conceded. Then she turned to Natasha again. “I was right, wasn't I? When I said you're an actress?” she pressed the matter. “I mean, that would explain why this house is so hidden away and the crazy security system you have. And also why you have a bodyguard home.”

“A _bodyguard_?” Natasha frowned, while Maria raised an eyebrow.

“Yes” Mack glanced to Maria. “Aren't you? You look always elegant and you go to work while she stays home. And when we go out Natasha wears sunglasses and baseball caps. Why would she do that if she's not an actress?”

There was a very long moment of silence. Maria turned her head slowly to look at Natasha, she was also baffled.

“Didn't the social worker-”

“I don't know, I thought she had” Maria defended herself.

“Well, she clearly hasn't” Natasha sighed.

“Honey, we are both fostering you” Maria pointed out.

“Yes, I know, you two live together” she shrugged.

“Mack, we” Natasha started, then sighed. “We are married, we're a couple.”

She frowned a little. “You can marry another girl?” then shrugged. “That makes better sense than the bodyguard thing, to be honest.”

“Mack, we want to tell you something you can't tell anyone, alright? No one, unless we say it's okay, can know this” Natasha told her slowly.

She nodded, listening carefully.

“Do you know who Iron Man is?”

“Sure, everyone knows him.”

“Well, you know, when he doesn't have his mask on, he goes by a different name and he has a regular life. Okay not regular since he's a multimillionaire, but you get my point.”

“Yes. I knew this already. Mr Stark has invented some of the coolest things in the world.”

“Okay, good. And the other people who fight with him, they also have other lives, regular lives, you know?”

Mack's expression changed, slowly.

“You're The Black Widow. Oh my God, you're a superhero!”

They tried to answer every question she had about the subject, but they were far too many, so they had lunch together and then spent the afternoon playing around, reading all side by side, laughing and telling stories of Natasha's greatest adventures.

  


“So, we need a babysitter for tomorrow night, right?”

She was getting ready for bed and Maria was in their bedroom, putting on her pajamas.

“Well” Maria sighed so loud Natasha heard it from the adjacent room. “We don't actually, I told Pepper and Tony I won't be there.”

“What? Why?” she stepped into their room, starting to undress.

“Because someone has to stay home with Mack and I figured this was easier.”

“Okay” Natasha said slowly. “Then I'll call and tell them I'm not going either.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don't want to go if you're not there” she said as if it was obvious, then realized she probably shouldn't have. “I'll just stay home with you and Mack.”

“You don't have to, Nat. It's your call, I'll support whatever you do, but Laura said you told Clint you'll see him there.”

“You and Laura talk now?”

“Yes, twice a week, actually. She's been helping me cope” Maria averted her eyes and got into bed, leaning on the headboard.

“Cope?”

“Yes, she knows what it feels like when your spouse disappears overnight without telling you where they're going or without knowing if they'll make it back.”

Natasha got into bed, too, without saying a word. She laid down and stared at the ceiling.

“She always said” Maria added, looking ahead. “That you would explain once you could and that I would see there was an explanation, why you never told me, why you didn't want my help, why it felt like suddenly I went from soldier, agent, commander to just- just wife in your mind” she sighed and chuckled. “But at the end of the day you were fighting a war you didn't want me in. I'll just have to deal with that, won't I?”

“You were the best agent, you were deputy director for a reason, Maria” Natasha whispered. “And if I could have chosen just one soldier to bring along, you know I would have picked you, the only one I completely trust. But I couldn't. I couldn't bring you there.”

Maria just stalled for a moment, then laid down too and turn to face Natasha. She looked at her movements, then did the same.

“This thing you're not telling me” Maria whispered, shifting closer.

Natasha took a deep breath to argue with her, but Maria gave her a warning look, one that said 'I know you and if you lie to me I'll end you'. So she exhaled and got closer as well, almost meeting her in the middle.

“Are you going to tell me someday?”

Natasha looked into her eyes and was just baffled at how well she knew her.

“Yes.”

There was a pause as Maria pondered the next question.

“Are you still in love with me, Natasha?”

That was her Maria. Fierce and fearless. That question could have ruined them, could have ruined it all for good. But the answer was something she had to know so badly that she asked it anyway, barely hesitating. Maria had always been that brazen.

She smiled softly, and without making a conscious decision, her own hand raised to caress Maria's cheek gently.

“Of course I'm still in love with you. Always.”

“Do you still want to be married to me?”

“Yes, Maria. You've been my better half for over eight years. If it was up to me, you would be for the rest of my life.”

Natasha had no idea why they were finally starting to talk, after all those months where she would just come back and Maria would be incredibly relieved for the first few days and then incredibly distant and angry and lonely the rest of the time.

Natasha would be distant, too. Always searching for more facilities even when she was home, her mind always in the web of deceits her Red Room trainer left behind him.

She knew she wasn't emotionally available, but Maria never tried that hard either to establish a dialogue, to communicate.

“Why are you asking this now?”

“Because of” she almost chuckled for what she was about to admit “something Mack said. You lose all the battles you don't fight. You've already lost if you don't even try, right? I told you last night, I wanted to let you go, to set you free. I really thought it would be the best thing for you. Maybe, eventually, for me as well. But how can I reprimand you for thinking I'm not a good enough fighter, when I wasn't willing to fight for the thing that's most important to me?”

“I do think you're an _excellent_ fighter” Natasha corrected her.

Maria ignored her comment. “Maybe you'll do the same mistakes. Maybe it won't change anything. But if I don't try to fix things, I've already lost you. And I'm not going down without a fight, Romanoff.”

Natasha smirked. Then it turned into a smile. Than, that vanished, too.

“Do you still want to be married to me?”

“Yes.”

“Are you still in love with me?”

She thought she might not want to hear the answer, but she had to ask that question, even if it would be just so Maria could ask herself the same thing, think about it.

But there was no hesitation, she gently placed a hand on Natasha's on her own cheek and turned her head slightly, to gently kiss the palm of her hand shortly.

“Yes.”

Natasha smiled softly again.

“We'll make it through this. We will, Natasha.”

“I know. I'll fight as hard as you.”

She moved forward and kissed Maria gently, briefly, on the lips.

They fell asleep like that, facing each other, their hands still intertwined between them.

  


Mack told them the next day, over lunch, that she thought about it and she was ready to try to attend sixth grade, so Maria called the Principal and he emailed her a list of books. They took Mack out in the afternoon and they went shopping for textbooks.

When they got back home Natasha started to get ready, as the two of them went to watch some television together.

“I think I could fix the audio” Mack said casually.

Maria was about to dismiss it, but then she remembered how she also dismissed what Mack said about having already read the upper grades books and that turned out to be true.

“Are you sure?”

“Well, I'm not _sure_ sure, but I think so. I was fixing the TV on one of the foster homes I was in, but Miss Daniels walked in when I was still not done, do she thought I broke it. That happened with a radio in my last house, too.”

“Do you want to try to fix this one?” Maria asked.

“I don't want to be kicked out of this house, if I can't do that” Mack countered.

“We won't kick you out, Mack” Maria said, a protective arm around her shoulders. “We're never going to do that.”

“I'm ready to go, I'll be back in a couple of hours” Natasha said, walking in wearing a blue dress, her hair and make up perfectly done.

“Wow, you look really pretty” Mack told her.

“Yes, you do look pretty” Maria said with a little smile.

Natasha smiled back, walking to the back of the couch and reaching to kiss Mack on the top of her head and trying not to let her nerves make her hesitate, she kissed Maria on the cheek, too, before taking her keys by the door.

“Don't have too much fun without me.”

Mack laughed and Maria smiled.

They had a nice dinner, they cooked, talked, read. She felt herself caring more and more for that child, and a part of her was still afraid this wasn't going to be permanent, but she pushed that thoughts aside and focused on the task at hand: Monopoly.

“How are you defeating me at this game? I used to be a spy, this shouldn't be so hard” she murmured staring hard at her pawn in prison.

“I thought you were letting me win, but maybe you're just really unlucky” Mack laughed a little, while Maria smiled at her.

“I'm lucky in other fields I guess. Come on, it's time to put this away, so we can go read some of our book?”

“Yes!” Mack said excitedly, getting up and starting to reorder the game so they could go read together.

  


Clint was in the middle of a conversation with Thor when he saw Natasha standing next to a window and staring out, her eyes distant. He approached her and gently put a hand on her shoulder in order to shift her focus back to the room.

She turned to him and weakly smiled.

“So? We don't see each other for a week and you adopt a baby?” he whispered.

“We waited a really long time for this to be a possibility, Clint. We both wanted it so much, when we started. Even if it was a lot time ago” she sighed.

“It was before Bezukhov” he said what she didn't.

“I didn't tell Maria about what happened then. Not yet, so don't.”

He raised an eyebrow but stayed silent.

“You can't embark on this expecting it to go differently if you don't tell her why you're doing this or what you're trying to do.”

“What I _was_ doing. We're through Clint, it's over, he's done.”

“He might be, but a couple of their facilities are still standing. Someone's going to have to go and I'm honestly not sure you won't leave again, are you?”

She lowered her gaze and sadly smiled a little. How could she be sure she wouldn't go? Of course she might. She did again and again.

“I have to make sure the people I love are safe.”

“If only you had someone who could help you” he turned slightly, opening her view of the rest of the Avengers laughing and joking around in the room. “Someone you were close enough you could share your secrets with, someone with great powers to ensure your safety.”

“I get it, Clint” she cut him off. “It's just-” she averted her eyes. “Once they know, there is a chance one of them might slip, might say something to the wrong person.”

“Then just start with something, just share with them whatever you're comfortable with and see if they understand – as I'm sure they will – the confidentiality of the situation. You'll have to start somewhere, Tasha. That goes with Maria, too. You two will have to talk and start mending your relationship. Just start somewhere and go from there.”

She sighed, then nodded sharply just once.

“Start somewhere” she repeated. “Baby steps, right?”

He smiled encouragingly.

“Dinner's ready lovebirds” Tony yelled in their general direction.

Natasha rolled her eyes and Clint just turned to him with a frown.

“You met my wife, dude.”

They gathered around the table and sat down. Beside them, there were Tony and Pepper, Steve and Sharon, Bucky, Bruce, Thor, Wanda, Vision, Sam and James.

They started eating and they were chatting about nothing in particular, when Thor asked about how the whole ritual of marriage worked on Earth.

“Clint will explain it to you, he's the only one who performed it” Tony said, smirking towards Barton as he rolled his eyes.

“Actually, I'm married as well” Natasha said casually.

Everybody paused for a second, then Steve laughed a little.

“One of your aliases had a bizarre night?” he joked.

“No, I got married to the love of my life, as people usually do” she answered nonchalantly.

She kept eating, but they all stopped. She kept stubbornly looking at her plate, until the silence got too awkward and she put down her fork, raising her eyes.

“Are you serious?” Steve asked.

“How didn't we know anything about this?” Tony looked around.

“Whom are you married to?” Thor wondered.

“When did this happen, how long have you been with someone?” Banner asked.

“Who's the lucky fella?” Sam chuckled a little.

“See?” Natasha turned to Clint. “This is why I didn't tell them sooner. I've said one thing and now they're asking for all these intimate, private details of my personal life.”

“The name of the man you're married to is an intimate detail?” Tony scoffed.

Natasha raised an eyebrow at him, then turned to Clint with the same expression, raising the other one as well.

He grimaced and shrugged.

“I'm not answering your questions, so just resume eating. Clint can explain to Thor the marriage rituals anyway, because mine was a little atypical.”

“How was it atypical? Was he wearing a kilt? Were _you_ wearing a kilt?” Tony frowned.

“Why would anyone be wearing a kilt?” Steve pondered.

“As I said, I'm not answering your questions” Natasha said again.

“So, it goes like this, one of the people getting married proposes the marriage to the other” Clint started towards Thor, hoping to shift the focus of the conversation.

They changed topic quickly, but everyone kept their frowns on for the rest of the night.

  


She went back home pretty early, but the lights were all off, it was past Mack's bedtime, and if Maria was awake she would be in their bedroom. She went straight for it, going inside and seeing a light from the bathroom, the door open.

“Hey, I'm home” she said, entering the bathroom while taking off her earrings.

“Heard the front door” Maria told her while brushing her teeth. “It's early. How was it?”

“The usual” she shrugged, leaning on the cabinet on the side of the sink.

Maria finished up and stepped aside, leaving her the spot. Natasha tied her hair, then washed her face.

“Steve is still a little bitter, Tony is still a pain in the ass. Clint taught Thor some Earth rituals, I told them I was married, Wanda and Vision are probably having an affair.”

Maria turned to look at Natasha through the mirror, the motion brought them closer, her arm almost brushing Natasha's shoulder blade.

“Wait, wait. You told them?”

Natasha stopped her routine and met her eyes in the mirror.

“I just said I'm married. Nothing else. I know it doesn't change anything.”

“Natasha, this is a pretty big step. You didn't have to, you know that?”

“Yes, but I wanted to. It was the right time. Baby steps.”

She smiled a little and Maria couldn't help but smile back. 

“Baby steps” she agreed.

Natasha straightened up a little and their gazes fell away, both shifting slightly. She reached around to undo the zip of her dress.

“Do you want me to?” Maria whispered, her hands already lifting up.

They were both well aware that Natasha could easily reach behind her back, since she was highly flexible, but they both pretended not to remember that detail, as Maria gently touched the skin of her back. Her right hand then fell on Natasha's shoulder.

“I'm proud of you” she whispered. “I know it's hard for you, even if they're your friends.”

It was hard, there was no denying it, she was never one to trust others easily. But Maria and Clint were right when they told her these where her friends and the little things she shared would not put anyone in danger.

“I'll let you change” she said when Natasha didn't respond, her hand sliding away and she stepped back and turned around.

Natasha quickly turned and grabbed her hand to stop her.

Maria looked at her, waiting.

“I don't want you to think this has something to do with what I did tonight. And you don't have to act differently about what I'm doing than you'd have if I didn't say anything.”

Maria frowned. “What _are_ you doing?”

She stepped forward and let go of Maria's hand. And just as Maria thought she was about to kiss her, Natasha shifted and went in for a hug.

Maria was taken aback for a second, but then she acted on instinct, her arms wrapping around Natasha, tightening when she felt her sigh deeply and then relax. Natasha laid her forehead on her shoulder and stayed like that without a word for the longest time. Maria didn't mind, she didn't say anything, she just hugged her back and caressed her back gently, finding alternatively the fabric of the dress or Natasha's skin.

“I just wanted to come back home” she whispered so low Maria almost missed it.

“You are” she said without missing a beat. “You're home.”

Natasha felt unmistakeably that she was.

  


After a lazy Sunday spent together, Mack started school on Monday and had lessons every morning and afternoon, so Natasha was bored out of her mind. Maria was working and she was home alone all day. She started training again, but that only took three hours tops, even if she did every exercise she knew and used everything in their home gym-room.

She either needed a hobby or a job, but she knew her only freelance option would take her far away and it was just the worst of times for that.

She was able to hold on for three whole days – Maria was impressed – before calling Stark to order him to find her something to do.

That was how she got into half a day of training the New Avengers, three times a week. It was something, but she was still bored out of her mind, so she convinced him to make it five mornings and let her use one of his super computers in the afternoons for whatever job she had and surprisingly he rolled with it, shrugging.

She could read people well enough that she had no doubt Stark was happier than she was, about seeing her everyday of the week. He was desperately trying to gain information about her private life ever since she dropped the Marriage bomb on them.

They fell into a nice pattern, they left together in the morning, drove Mack to school and headed to Stark Industries. Maria did her work, Natasha trained and helped train the others, then she disappeared for lunch – she went to Maria's office, where they ate together and talked about anything and everything, just spending time together without fighting, just like they used to.

They enjoyed and cherished each others company again, they went back to being best friends, laughing about silly stuff and sometimes even casually touching. And “casually” actually meant Natasha thought about just the inch of Maria's skin she could touch without being inappropriate for an average of seven minutes before faking a “casual” touch.

It was weird – the rush of joy she felt anytime she made Maria laugh, the butterflies in her belly when she was making her way to Maria's office with a smile on her face, the closeness between them as they ate on the couch, with no table between them. It was as if they were falling in love all over again, from scratch.

Then, one day, Steve went to train with her. She had been complaining that none of the newbies was a match to her and there he and Bucky were, ready to test the statement. She and him kind of dodged the others and just sparred for three hours straight, losing track of time so much that Maria made her way down to the gym when half her lunch time was already gone.

She stopped beside Sam and Bucky, the only two still watching them, while the others were scattered around, doing something else entirely that could hardly be classified as training.

“Will they keep doing this all day?” Bucky asked.

“Probably” Maria answered. “Steve is too strong for her and Natasha's technique is too refined for him. It's going to take a while.”

“She's been like this all week” Sam complained. “Last week as well and the one before that, too. Since she came here, she made us train hard and she trains even harder, she's tireless. I've never seen her like this.”

“Focused and determined?” Maria asked ironically.

“More like sexually frustrated” Sam whispered. “It's weird that just a couple of weeks after she announces she has a husband she starts acting like hormones might fuel a war.”

Maria looked at him like he was crazy.

“Maybe she only said that to make someone jealous” Bucky chipped in, a smirk on his face that Maria would have gladly wiped off in the very same ring her wife was currently battling a super soldier.

“She _did_ just say she was married and added no name, no date, nothing else to back it up” Sam pointed out, shrugging. “This husband of hers is a mysterious man.”

Maria looked again at the way Natasha was fighting.

Sam was right, it was slightly off, it wasn't her usual style. She was being aggressive, almost erratic, not waiting for Steve to attack and use his strength against him like she would usually do to win, she was dragging it out on purpose, tiring herself and using all the energy she could.

It might have been out of frustration, sure.

But she might also have been putting on a show.

And Barnes was right there, smirk in place.

“Plus, she's been disappearing at lunch everyday” Stark walked up behind them. “She doesn't leave the building, I cheeked the security cameras. But she's been avoiding the internal ones as well, like she doesn't want me to spy on her, for some reason” he huffed dramatically.

Maria rolled her eyes. “I wonder why is that” she said ironically.

“Hey, you two, just kiss already” Tony yelled at them.

They both turned, Natasha seeing their audience. And seeing Maria there. Then she frowned. She realized she had missed lunch, losing track of time.

She turned back towards Steve, he did the same, but she went for it, climbing him and wrapping her legs around his neck, using his own jump backwards to make his back collide with the mat.

Then she gracefully got up without pause, while he massaged his head, effortlessly walking out of the ring and slipping her shoes back on.

“Sorry, I lost track of time.”

“Nice move you pulled there” Bucky noted, trying to hide his smirk. “Wrapping your legs around his neck like that.”

Sam snorted. “Don't say it like that, dude. The _Husband_ would punch you if he heard you. Unless he's, like, a sensitive dude who wouldn't hurt a fly.”

“Would you imagine, the Widow married to a pacifist” Stark hummed. “What a funny picture. Imagine a little guy with thick glasses and a bow tie.”

“My guess is a former agent, I think Sharon might have known him, she wasn't that surprised when Natasha said she was married” Steve said, jumping off the ring.

Natasha sighed and rolled her eyes.

“That's because Sharon was there” Natasha pointed out. “Clint was, too. Why don't you torture him for information instead of trying to spot me on the security footage, Stark?”

He actually looked thoughtful for a moment. “That's great advice, thank you.”

Natasha rolled her eyes again.

“Oh, if the _Husband_ 's an agent he will punch him in the face” Sam said like he looked forward to it while pointing to Bucky.

Natasha scoffed. “I can turn down men and defend my own honor” Natasha said coldly, starting to head in the direction of the changing room with the showers. “My wife doesn't need to do that for me.”

“Your wife?” Stark yelled to her back. “Romanoff, _your wife_?!”

She didn't turn back.

  


Maria was waiting in front of the building. They drove with one car, Natasha took it in the afternoon, went to Mack's school to pick her up, then drove back to Stark Industries to pick Maria up, it was almost on the way, so it was pretty convenient.

She got in the car as soon as it stopped.

“Hi” she greeted them. “How was your day?” she asked, turning towards Mack.

She slide onward, peeking between the front seats to get a kiss on her cheek from Maria as she did every time.

“It was good, we started algebra.”

“Oh, algebra! Exciting.”

“No, that's boring. Physics it's exciting!” she countered.

Maria laughed a little, her hand coming to rest on Natasha's thigh for a second. She turned and met her eyes. Maria gave her a one sided smile, then retracted her hand.

Natasha smiled back, then turned again and started to drive.

“How is it going with your classmates?”

“They're all nice, except this one boy, but whatever.”

She talked about the new friends she made for the rest of the drive.

When they arrived, Mack got off even before Natasha had even turned the car off.

“You didn't have to.”

“Stop saying it, Maria. I'm overdue, actually. And besides, I want to. You know better than anyone else, it's absolutely impossible to make me do something I don't want to.”

Maria smiled at her.

“Well then” she said, her hand going to Natasha's cheek as she leaned in and kissed the other one tenderly. “I'm here for you, whatever you need.”

Natasha smiled back.

She only needed her to stay with her. Everything else, they could face together.

  


Maria put the bookmark at the end of the chapter, looking at Mack's sleepy eyes as she tucked her in after leaving the book on her nightstand.

“I think it's time to sleep, we have guests tomorrow, remember?”

“Yeah, your friends and their kids.”

“Are you comfy?” Maria asked, stroking the hair off her forehead.

“Yes. This is the best bed I ever had. The best room, too. The best house really.”

Maria smiled and kissed her forehead. “I'm happy to hear that.”

“How long will I stay?” she asked, her eyes already closed, her breathing getting even.

“How long you will want to stay. We hope you will stay for a long time.”

“I'll stay forever if you let me” she said, more asleep then awake.

“Nothing would make us happier” she whispered, kissing her forehead again and then caressing her hair one last time.

When she didn't respond she silently got up and exited the room quietly.

She turned the light off, closed the door and headed to the master bedroom.

Natasha was already changed, ready to get into bed.

“I'm exhausted.”

“You've been all week. You train, then train the Avengers, then work, then drive to Mack's school, back to pick me up and then home. Don't you think maybe you've gone from bored to restless a little too quickly?”

“It's good for me, keeps my mind busy” she murmured, already slipping into her side of the bed.

Maria chuckled, whispering “If you say so” and then heading to their bathroom.

When she got back out Natasha was on her side, her breath regular and her eyes closed, already trying to sleep. Maria followed, getting in and then hesitating for a long moment. She turned on her side too, towards Natasha and slid to her, almost spooning her.

They used to sleep like that quite often, before their fights started.

She wasn't touching her, afraid to make her want to put a lot more distance between them, but she gently touched her arm, then lightly kissed her shoulder.

“Is this okay?”

Natasha just pulled her arm tighter around herself and slid more into her, finding comfort in being that close to her again.

“This is perfect. Thank you.”

Maria kissed her shoulder again, then her neck. Natasha chuckled a little, Maria smirked, knowing all too well she just hit that one ticklish spot she had.

Natasha pulled her even closer, a smile playing on her lips.

For the first time in a while, she had the feeling things were going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Edit** : I'm so stupid! I forgot to add that if someone is up to be my beta for this work (or maybe correct my other BlackHill stories) you can send me a message on [tumblr](http://thetruthaboutlovecomesat3am.tumblr.com/) since this site doesn't have a message option (i think). Thank you!  
> 


	4. Step 4: The First Brick

Step 4: The First Brick

  


Natasha never kept her in the dark. Not even after S.H.I.E.L.D. fell, not even after Maria kept Fury hidden from her – Natasha had understood eventually, that was her job and she couldn't betray him or avoid it. But everything they could share, they did. Sometimes even things they couldn't, they shared anyway.

Even when she went back to Russia to look for her parents' graves, she told Maria. Obviously, she offered to go with her, so they went together, found the graves. Natasha cried just an handful of tears, it barely got Maria's shirt humid. Then they went back to the hotel, but Natasha disappeared while she was showering. When she came back, something was changed.

They went back home and things went back to normal, at least Maria thought so. Then, after a couple of weeks, Natasha started to seem distant, distracted, constantly lost in her own mind. It happened sometimes. You don't go through what Natasha Romanoff had without some serious PTSD. Maria did what she could, tried to be there for her, tried to bring her mind back from Russia, too. When the whole Registration Act mess blew up and Natasha left, Maria stayed behind and tried to move things along from behind the curtains, even if it wasn't much help. She came back home safe and, even if it took some time for Clint to get back as well and for Tony to stop acting like an ass, they eventually sorted it out.

But then, one day, a couple of months later, Maria arrived home and there was a note. Just a note on their kitchen island.

_Gone on a mission. Be back ASAP. I love you._

Nothing else. And to Maria it was sad and weird that she went like that, like she couldn't even look her in the eyes and tell her where or why or when she was coming back. She was just gone. But she kept waiting, waiting and waiting and when Natasha eventually came back, she felt like a part of her never did. And again, she tried to be there, to talk to her, to offer some kind of comfort. Natasha kept pulling away. She was more and more distant, until Maria opted to give her the space she needed and stopped pressuring her.

The second time, she came home to an empty house. No Natasha, no notes, nothing was taken or changed, she just left. Maria thought she would never come back.

She did, a week later. It felt like she really did come back, like she was her Natasha again.

She apologized but didn't say why, she melted in Maria's arms, on Maria's lips, like those kisses could heal her heart, like Maria's touch could fix her soul.

For a month or two, Maria actually thought they were back to being stronger then ever.

Then again, one day, she came home and just felt it. Natasha was gone once more. When she came back she apologized, again, she didn't say why or what happened or where she went, again.

They made up the way they got used to since they went to Russia and Natasha wouldn't talk to her, but it was with no words. It was a silent apology, in the moonlight, where Maria counted Natasha's bruises and cuts and felt like her kisses were band-aids on major wounds. Useless, dangerous, but the only thing she could do.

And Natasha would say it was the last time she went away. And three, four, ten weeks later, she would go again.

Until Maria was sure she wasn't happy, she didn't want to be there anymore and just kept coming back out of sense of duty. She got the papers not for herself but for her. She felt sick to her stomach anytime her eyes fell on the word 'Divorce', she felt nauseous and helpless, but it was an out she had to offer to Natasha.

But then, every time Natasha came back, kissing her fiercely, sighing of relief upon seeing her, she never even mentioned it. She couldn't even bring herself to think about it. It was all gone, forgotten, fixed – fixed by a band-aid. A band-aid that couldn't hold.

Two months later, she vanished again.

She came back, two weeks after that. And Maria overheard Banner and Barnes and just for a moment she felt absolutely sure Natasha wasn't fighting some imaginary super secret war, of course she wasn't. She had just fallen in love with someone else. Or maybe it wasn't even love at all, maybe it was a plain affair.

Whatever it was, she didn't have it in her to just silently accept everything anymore. So, instead of offering her an out, of explaining to her what she felt, what she thought, how much hurt she'd felt for a whole year, she decided anger was just so much easier.

Things changed after that.

Natasha still apologized, but she was also trying to tell her why and what she'd been doing. And what could Maria do, but give her that chance?

It was painful and scary. It was yet another jump in the dark, and she fell so many times already, but she was willing to try once more. Because, if she was honest, there was no such thing as too many attempts when it came to Natasha. She was deserving of that much trust. Maria was sure there was an explanation. She was also very afraid that the reason might be actually so good that, if the circumstances required it again, Natasha would leave. Again.

“Hey. I woke up and you were gone.”

Natasha brushed her eyes and sat down beside her on the couch, forcefully tearing Maria away from her own thoughts.

“I couldn't sleep, I made some camomile tea” she answered automatically.

Natasha just looked at her for a long while.

“Are you okay?”

Maria took a deep breath and lowered her empty mug on the coffee table in front of them, then turned towards her and took her hand.

“Promise me you won't leave again without telling me.”

“I won't.”

“Promise me, Natasha.”

She retracted her hand just so she could frame Maria's face with both, making her look her in the eyes, while stroking her cheeks.

“I promise you, I won't” she said slowly and surely. “I'm done. I'm not losing you over this, I'm sorry I was so stupidly caught up in my own mind I didn't notice how much I was hurting you. I won't do it again, Maria.”

“I can't ask you that. I don't want you to stop being a hero, nor do I want you to stop doing whatever you think is right. Just tell me you're going, if you can't tell me anything else, at least tell me you're going away.”

“I will. I promise you.”

Maria's hand grabbed her T-shirt, pulling her closer and kissing her firmly.

“Let's go back to bed, we have a long day. I'll help you sleep” Natasha told her gently. 

She took her hand and led her back to bed. They laid down and Natasha cradled Maria to her, hugging her closely, her head resting on the redhead's shoulder. She started brushing her hair gently, and it was Maria's weakness. She started feeling sleepy almost immediately.

“I love you more than anything, Maria. I'll never hurt you again, I promise. I love you so much” she kept whispering she loved her while her eyes got heavier and heavier and they both eventually fell back asleep.

  


Natasha woke up first, her eyes slowly opening and focusing on the woman in her arms. A small smile played on her lips as she bowed down and kissed the top of her head.

And in that moment, when she wasn't asleep but not yet completely awake either, only then things were just as they used to. Just perfect.

Maria stirred and sank into her embrace deeper for a moment, then she started to actually wake up and slowly moved away, looking up and meeting Natasha's eyes.

“I'm sorry” she breathed, focusing her gaze on Natasha's shoulder just so she wouldn't have to look at her eyes.

“What for?”

“It wasn't fair. I can't force you like that, I can't boss you around.”

“Well, bossy is a good look on you, actually” she smirked, hoping her light tone would cheer Maria up even a little. No such luck.

“I wasn't fair.”

“It's okay not to be fair, sometimes. You're my wife, we've been together for so long it should go without saying I have to stop disappearing on you. Doing that, that's what is not fair. I shouldn't have put you in that position in the first place.”

“I was being selfish” Maria countered. “You were saving people, I didn't know it then, when we used to avoid talking about this and I felt like you just didn't want to be with me anymore. But I know now, you were protecting and saving people.”

“You didn't ask me to stop doing that. You asked me to tell you what I'm doing.”

“I just-” she looked up again. Natasha smiled a little, trying to reassure her. “I want to know you're safe, to know you're coming back. Even if you don't want me to come with you, I wish you'd tell me where you're going.”

“I will.”

“You don't have to, it's selfish and needy and not _fair_.”

“Stop, Maria” Natasha sighed. “You said it's not fair because it's something I never asked of you and you never asked of me either before. But that's because we always told each other everything anyway. You're not needy, you're not being selfish. You just want us to fix things, I want that, too. I know this sounds cliché and stupid, but I couldn't tell you, because I had to protect you. And if I never told you where I was, what I was doing, when I was leaving, it was to keep you safe. But it was immensely, unabashedly, stupid of me. You can take care of yourself, shutting you out didn't protect you, it just drove you away. I'm sorry.”

“I'm sorry, too.”

There was that question, on the tip of Natasha's tongue. She kept wondering, asking herself the same thing over and over and over again.

They were starting to talk about things, she could let it go and never ask. But the doubt would sit with her forever, it would be there everyday, creeping in her mind, driving her crazy.

She was the one who wasn't being fair, maybe. But she had to know.

“Would you have gone through with the divorce? If the social worker hadn't called?” there was no mean or accusing tone. It was a plain question, maybe a hint of curiosity, of insecurity in her voice, but nothing else.

“I don't know, Natasha. I really thought I was giving you an out. After hearing Banner and Barnes talk, I presented the option to you as if it was for myself, because I was so hurt. But I was already calmer on Monday and I would have told you it was your chance to start over. Then the call came in and I felt so angry that something we wanted so much wouldn't happen because I didn't keep pretending everything was fine. I know that wasn't fair either.”

“You already retracted by evening, when you gave me an out” Natasha pointed out. “I didn't go through with it because I thought you would leave me without letting me explain, I did it because Mack needed a family and we wanted this for so long, I was sure – I still am – if things had gone sideways we would have still given her all the love in the world and did the best for her, protecting her and putting her first. I didn't know if you would forgive me, but I knew you would never make a child pay for my mistakes. I've always wanted to raise a kid with you, Maria. This is the only reason I agreed.”

“It was the same for me” Natasha knew she meant it. They talked about it for a long time and they both expressed how they felt like it was something they could only do with each other and not with anyone else or even by themselves. It was another thing in life where they totally completed each other. “But if the social worker never called, I would have let you chose about the divorce. Told you it was your easiest way out. Not mine. Simply because I wasn't really looking for one.”

“I don't want a way out either. You've always been the only part of my life that always made sense, even on the worst days. I can't lose you.”

Maria shook her head, tracing Natasha's jaw line with her index in a light touch.

“You won't, Nat. I'll always be here for you. I will fight, I'm not wavering again.”

Natasha smiled a little, looking into her eyes. This was her Maria. Always certain, always solid. Unwavering and strong.

“I'll always be here, too” she said resolutely.

She kissed Maria's forehead and then the tip of her nose. Maria's chin rose up and she met her halfway for a kiss on the lips.

“We should get up” Maria whispered.

“Yes, the TV has been on for a couple of minutes already, I think Mack woke up around ten minutes ago.”

Maria chuckled lightly. “I'll make you pancakes, let's go” she said, starting to get up.

Natasha followed and as Maria headed for the kitchen she went straight for the living room, popping down onto the couch next to Mack. She immediately laid her head on Natasha's shoulder as the redhead hugged her shoulders with one arm.

“Did you sleep well, little one?”

“Yeah. I got up and didn't see you, I didn't know what I was allowed to do, so I just turned the TV on for the morning cartoons.”

“You can do whatever you want, this is your house now, too” Natasha told her, kissing the top of her head. “Maria's making us pancakes, are you hungry?”

Mack looked up at her with a joyful expression. Natasha smirked. Pancakes were her favorite, especially the kind with cocoa and chocolate chips in the mix, as Maria made them. They actually were Natasha's favorite as well.

  


Natasha and Mack ate their pancakes as Maria kept cooking, she started baking some cookies as a dessert for lunch, then started making the lasagna as they cooled.

Natasha and Mack played together in Mack's room for a while, then started looking for something to do in every room in the house. The gym, the studio, it was all so boring. Except, of course, for Maria.

So they made a plan.

They were laying on their bellies in the living room, their eyes scanning the kitchen.

“Are you ready?” Natasha asked her in a serious tone.

“Ready” Mack lifted her fist and Natasha lightly bumped it.

“Are you sure you don't want to switch?”

“Positive.”

“Okay then, I'm going in” Natasha got up and headed for the island, rounding it and stopping in front of Maria, watching as she kept cooking.

“Hey, can I help somehow?” she asked and smiled.

“You can set the table” Maria smiled back. “But if you think I'm risking you messing up my lasagna you're out of your mind” she smirked and looked at her.

“Alright, I'll set the table then.”

She was about to turn and leave when Maria gently grabbed her chin with one hand, leaning in and kissing her cheek.

“Also, if you think I didn't notice, you're out of your mind, too. There's a reason I was the only person Fury trusted when it came to reports about you, Romanoff. I always know what you're up to.”

Natasha gave her the most innocent look she could muster.

“I have no idea what you're talking about” she smiled innocently. “Maybe I just asked to be assigned to you specifically because I think bossy is a great look on you.”

“Go eat your cookies before I change my mind” Maria told her, letting her chin go and trying hard not to smile back.

“We'll set the table right after our snack, promise.”

Maria turned back to the stove as Natasha walked to the living room, popping down onto the couch, Mack passing her one of the two freshly baked cookies she just stole from the kitchen counter.

“We got busted, didn't we?”

“Big time” Natasha confirmed, accepting the cookie. “There's a reason Maria was my boss when she was an Agent, I guess” she shrugged.

“She was _your_ boss?” Mack asked, a little baffled. “But you're a superhero.”

“Well, I wasn't back then, I was just a stubborn, hurt girl. Maria taught me a lot, and not just as a soldier. She made me feel things I was sure I couldn't.”

“You fell in _love_ with her” Mack sing sang, then laughed a little, teasing her.

“I did” Natasha laughed as well. “I do, everyday. I am who I am because of her. Long before she taught me love, she also taught me compassion, empathy, affection as she showed those feelings towards myself. We learned to trust each other. Then, after that, we fell in _love_ ” Natasha said the word in the same light and teasing tone Mack had used.

“Did you ask her to marry you or did she?”

“I asked her, actually” Natasha explained. “She thought I wouldn't want to. But I did, so much, I wanted to spend every single day of my life with her. Still planning to.”

“Well, duh, she makes you those awesome pancakes.”

Natasha laughed and Mack giggled back.

“I think Maria's really pretty and kind and good” Mack told her. “You made the right call, I would have married her, too, if I were you.”

“I'm glad you approve” she smiled a little to herself, as she watched Mack eat the last piece of her cookie.

“We should set the table as Maria asked, we didn't help at all” Mack said with a little note of guilt in her voice.

“Trust me, I tried to convince her to let me help, but she wanted to cook for today.” The words 'control freak' lingered in her mind. “But yeah, we should set the table and maybe keep her company after that, she looked like she was almost done anyway.”

Mack nodded, starting to get up and then thinking back, turning and hugging Natasha briefly before getting off the couch.

“Thank you for playing with me all morning and thanks for the cookie.”

Natasha hugged her back and then watched her get up.

“You don't have to thank me, Mack. I love spending time with you. But you should thank Maria for the cookie, she was the one who made that” she shrugged and smiled, getting up as well and heading to the kitchen to get the plates.

Mack followed her and stopped next to Maria, tugging on her sleeve to get her attention.

“Maria?”

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Thank you for the cookie. It was really delicious.”

Maria smiled and bent down, accepting and reciprocating the hug Mack gave her.

“I'm happy you liked it” she kissed the top of her head and then straightened up again.

Mack took two glasses that Natasha handed to her and brought them to the living room table as Natasha brought all the plates with one hand and the rest of the glasses with the other.

She went back for the second trip as Mack was starting to position them.

“We really, really lucked out with her” Maria whispered.

“We did” Natasha said. “I think we should start on the papers for the adoption.”

“We can ask her and then I'll call Miss Wyatt on Monday.”

Natasha nodded, then looked to the living room, watching her as she set everything.

“What if she doesn't want to stay with us?” she whispered.

Maria took her hand. “We'll have to respect that.”

“I know. That doesn't mean it won't hurt. I care about her so much.”

“Nat, don't cross bridges that aren't even there. I think she likes it here, even if it's only been a month. And she adores you, she looks up to you.”

“It's not me she adores” she smiled and looked Maria in the eyes. “She thinks very highly of you, she also thinks you're pretty and kind.”

Maria chuckled. “Go set the table.”

“Bossy” Natasha whispered, then smirked. “Yep, still a very good look on you.”

She started to head back to the living room as Maria asked her to. 

Maria turned and watched her talk to Mack as they both laughed a little and set the table together, both looking happy and serene and light.

It was a very beautiful sight. She felt content just looking at them both be that lighthearted, feeling happy herself as well.

  


Maria went to open the door as soon as she heard the doorbell.

“Hi” she greeted Laura and Clint with a hug. “Did you have any problem with the new security system?”

“Nope, it all went perfectly” Clint said as he entered.

Maria saw the two kids behind them and bent down to hug both of them.

“Auntie Maria!” Cooper and Lila were so happy to see her.

“Where's Natasha?” Clint asked.

“They're in Mack's room, past the living room turn left and it's the first door on the right” Maria directed, watching as he nodded and started to go in that direction, both of his kids following.

Maria turned back to Laura and looked at the baby in her arms.

“Hi, Nathaniel” she said in a sweet little voice Laura had literally never heard her use before. “Oh, you're so little and so cute” he grabbed one of her fingers with his little chubby hand.

“Do you want to hold him?” Laura asked.

“Oh, no. I'm not good with babies, they hate me. I prefer to look at this little bundle of joy while he's securely wrapped in your arms.”

“Nonsense” Laura helped Maria pick him up and then, as she held him, took off his little coat and hat, then her own. “See? All good.”

Maria held him like she was scared he would fall any minute, her senses on alert and her posture stiff. But he just smiled at her and turned a little to look at her face better.

“Pwetty” was all he said to her.

“Oh, she is, isn't she” Laura giggled a little. “Maria's very pretty.”

“M-ia” he tried to repeat.

Maria relaxed a little, but not much.

Clint and the kids re-emerged from the other room, all with their coats in their arms and headed straight for the hanger.

“We knocked but Natasha said we could have at least take off our coats, they're coming too. Oh, someone is making a new friend” Clint observed.

“He thinks Maria is pretty” Laura informed him. “Your one-year-old is playing a little out of his league.”

Clint chuckled, hanging all their coats.

In that moment, Natasha and Mack entered the room, too.

Natasha's eyes brightened as soon as she saw Nathaniel and she was by Maria's side in a second, cooing at him and lifting him into her own arms. Maria sighed in relief and relaxed again, turning to Mack and smiling at her. She walked to her and put an arm around her shoulders, she stood beside her timidly.

“Mack, this is Laura” she introduced her. “Clint, Cooper and Lila.”

“Hi. I'm Mack” she offered a smile and a wave.

Maria looked down at her with adoring eyes.

“You know, Lila is a huge fan of Taylor Swift” Maria told her.

Mack brightened up immediately. “Really?”

“Yeah, I have her last album, dad had it autographed” Lila smiled at her. “We have it in the car, I can show you if you want.”

“Sure! Can we?” she looked up to Maria.

“Of course, but don't be long, we're eating in a bit, alright?”

She nodded eagerly.

“I'll go with them, since Natasha has little Nat covered” Laura offered and opened the door.

Maria saw Mack turn back and frown at the sight of Natasha walking around with the baby in her arms, then she looked down and started following Laura.

Maria and Clint exchanged a look. They both knew what was happening.

She approached Natasha as Clint entertained Cooper.

“Look at this baby” she told Maria as soon as she was next to her. Nathaniel had a lock of her hair in his little fist. “Isn't he the cutest?”

“He is quite cute” Maria confirmed.

Natasha turned to look at her, immediately picking up her tone.

“I think Mack might be a little jealous. You're her superhero, she hasn't been with us that long, but she's used to your undivided attention.”

“I'm just holding my godson, Maria.”

“I know, I'm just- I'm telling you what I saw, but I might be wrong.”

Natasha frowned. Maria just touched her arm gently and reassuringly, then headed back to the kitchen.

The lunch went quite smoothly, then Clint and Natasha started a broad game with the kids, Nathaniel fell asleep and Laura and Maria started talking in the kitchen as the brunette loaded the dishwasher.

“So” Laura carefully started. “How are things between you and Natasha?”

Maria tried her best not to sigh, but failed.

“They're a lot better, actually.”

“But?”

Maria sighed again. “I feel so guilty” she sat down next to her at the kitchen island. “I had that outburst where I didn't even want her to explain herself to me. I was so mad, but that is no justification. I know she was doing her job, every time she left. Did I have my doubts for a while? Yes, but they were unjustified. She was being a hero, risking her life to save people, she didn't do that to hurt me.”

“But she did hurt you” Laura reasoned.

“It's an acceptable collateral damage” Maria countered. “I should have supported her.”

“You did. You wouldn't have said anything, not even this time, if Banner hadn't said what he did, Maria. That outburst was understandable.”

Maria sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “All I know is I feel guilty, I feel like instead of setting her free like I was planning to I just made her stay even more out of obligation than before. I feel so selfish.”

“You both wanted this. And she's not staying out of obligation, Maria. She's not. She loves you so much” Laura chuckled. “I can't believe there's a bunch of superheroes who never noticed the way she looks at you.”

Maria smiled at that. But it turned bittersweet.

“I even feel like I'm forcing her to come out to her friends. She told them she's married. Then she said she has a wife. What if she regrets it? It's my fault, I'm making her-”

“You're not” Laura's hand fell on her own. “You're not making her stay, you're not making her do anything.”

“I just want her to be happy. I always thought I knew how she would be, but what if I don't? What if what makes her happy isn't away but isn't here either? What if she can only be happy having both the superhero life and the secretly married life? I'm forcing her to blend them together, but what if she likes them better as they are now?”

“We both know that's not possible, not to say unhealthy. Those people are her friends. She's going to have to start telling them _something_ about her.”

“What if they aren't? What if they're just colleagues to her?” she asked doubtfully.

“Oh, please. Steve is like a brother to her” Laura scoffed.

“I know” Maria sighed. “But for some reason she just prefers things this way. What if she's forcing herself to open up to them for me? I don't want her to, I want her to go her own pace.”

“Just tell her that.”

“I did. But I think she's already convinced this is the way to fix things.”

“Is it?”

“No. Maybe. I don't know, Laura.”

“Well, then tell her this, too.”

Maria sighed. “I will. Thank you.”

“You know I'm always willing to listen to you” Laura smiled at her. “What are friends for?”

Maria smiled back, but it was a little forced.

“Maria, do you remember where we put Monopoly?” Natasha walked in, then stopped picking up on the heavy mood in the room.

“Oh, no way, you're not playing Monopoly, you and Clint get super competitive with each other and always end up fighting” Maria admonished her.

“ _Fine_. Then only the kids will play” Natasha rolled her eyes. “But I'd like to point out that Clint is the one who always starts it.”

Maria sighed. “Sure, Nat” she gave Laura a knowing look accompanied with a small smile as she got up to get the game.

She went to the living room, giving the box to the kids, asking them if they wanted something else, but they said they were good and they started to play as Maria went back to the kitchen where Clint was telling Laura something that was making her laugh, as Natasha stood there, arms crossed, looking unimpressed.

“I'm telling you, Sam was traumatized. And he's been in the army. Natasha's training us like we have to fight against Thor's warriors next month.”

Maria hummed, crossing her arms, too. She stopped beside Natasha, Clint and Laura sitting on the other side of the island.

Clint turned to her, raising an eyebrow.

“Wilson could use a little more training as far as I'm concerned” Maria said a little too coldly to be an objective observation. “He still had the energy to talk too much when I came down to the gym the other day.”

“Why? What did he say?” Clint asked her. “Aside from wanting someone to punch Bucky, that one I heard, too.”

Maria rolled her eyes. “Barnes is even worse. He was suggesting Natasha said she's married just to catch his attention and make him purchase her further.”

“ _What_?” Natasha turned to her. “Why didn't you tell me?”

“Why didn't you punch him?” Clint countered.

“Because I'm not a caveman. I don't punch people just because they might make a move on my wife. If he does, Natasha is perfectly able to reject him herself.”

Natasha put a hand on her arm, making her turn to her as she relaxed a little. They exchanged a look that was a promise to talk about it later.

“I'm sorry, this is weird, it's so weird. Isn't it Laura?”

“Clint, oh my God, shush” Laura hushed him.

“It's super weird, you guys used to be so disgustingly in love, so touchy with each other, always making eyes and kissing and it was go gross, I constantly wanted to puke, I miss it so much.”

“Clint, please, I'm begging you” Laura tried to silence him again.

Maria looked down, then away.

“We're still disgustingly in love, Barton” she told him, meeting his eyes. “It's just a rough period, we'll get through this.”

Natasha desperately wanted to ask her if she meant it. If they were. If she was.

Instead, she tried to set fire to Clint with her own eyes. He immediately changed the topic, starting to talk about his new project to restructure the house.

  


They left late in the afternoon. Mack had a lot of fun, she headed for her bedroom after they left, to start on her homework for Monday.

Maria and Natasha started to put away all the washed dishes together, without talking much, both with different thoughts. Then, as they finished, they finally looked at each other and stopped, feeling the need to say something.

“Did you really mean it? That you're still in love with me and this is just a rough period?” Natasha asked, unable to stop herself.

But at the same time, Maria asked “Are you into Barnes or something?”

They stopped again and looked at each other, both confused.

“Of course I do, Natasha. We're both trying our best to get through this. Aren't we?” there was an uncertainty in her voice that for some reason stung Natasha.

“I didn't even know he was going to be there. I only invited Steve, how could I have known he was going to show up with his _boyfriend_?”

Maria rolled her eyes. “Don't call him that in front of Sharon, she's been a little jealous of him.”

“Apparently, so have you” Natasha noted.

“Well, I've been thinking about what Clint said. And he's right, that wasn't your usual style, you were reckless, forward and it was intriguing to watch. You invited Steve so you could land punch after punch and it wouldn't matter because he's a super soldier, you wanted to show off.”

“Not to Barnes” Natasha whispered a little bitterly, lowering her gaze.

Maria frowned. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing” she shook her head and sighed. “Nothing, Maria. Just please believe when I say I didn't know Bucky was going to be there.”

“Then why did you-” then it clicked. “Oh.”

“Right” Natasha murmured, grabbing a towel and drying her hands off.

“You noticed when I came in.”

“Of course I did, I'm the world's best spy, Maria” she sighed again, passing her the towel without looking at her.

Instead of taking it, Maria took her hand. “But you looked surprised to see me there.”

“I looked surprised because of the expression on your face. I hoped it would make you feel _something_ , anything. You used to always come watch me when I trained with Clint, until I started to spar with you, too. And once we did, things changed. You used to like looking at me as I fought. You used to like looking at me, period.” Natasha just took a step back and forced her to take the towel as she turned and sighed. “But I looked then and there was nothing” she admitted, looking down.

“There were people around us, Natasha. People you don't want to tell about us. Did you expect me to show any emotion I might have felt to them all?”

Natasha was about to retort with a snarky comment when they heard Mack's door open and her light footsteps to the kitchen. They both tried to give themselves some semblance of control and casualness and waited for her to come in.

“Hey, can I ask you guys something?”

“Sure, honey” Natasha smiled at her, lifting her up so she could sit on the kitchen counter. They let her do it sometimes as they were cleaning the dishes, so she could talk to them and be at their same height.

“Why didn't you get a baby right away? Like a newborn?”

Maria leaned on the edge, facing her, taking her hand. “We didn't want a newborn. Our lives aren't exactly compatible with that.”

“You don't?” she looked confused.

“There are a lot of reasons why we agreed it would be for the best to have an older child” Natasha tried to explain without really explaining.

“But I thought” she frowned. Maria thought it was due to the fact she saw Natasha with Nathaniel and assumed she had just been a second choice. “I thought I was just here until you were assigned a baby.”

Natasha and Maria exchanged a look.

“We actually wanted to talk to you about this” Maria began with a smile, albeit nervous.

“Oh” Mack's shoulders slumped. “You're sending me away, aren't you?” she asked sadly.

“No, absolutely not” Natasha told her, laying a hand on her shoulder. “We wanted to ask you what would you think about a more permanent solution.”

Mack just frowned, until Maria clarified “We would like to start the adoption papers and we wanted to ask you if that would be okay with you.”

“You want to adopt _me_? And you're asking my opinion about it?” her frown deepened-

“If you don't think we're what you would like or-” Maria started.

“No, it's not like that. You guys are awesome and this is the best place I've been to. But don't you want a better kid? Even an older one, but better than me? I always get kicked out and I always mess things up.”

“We love you, Mack” Natasha told her resolutely, hugging her closely and kissing the top of her head. “And you're the best kid ever.”

Mack hugged her back and when she let her go opened her arms towards Maria, whom immediately embraced her, kissing her temple.

“I guess, if you want me, I'd like to stay.”

She smiled up at them and they felt so happy and so calm, like everything would eventually work out just right, if they kept trying their best.

  


Natasha was already in bed, the lights turned off, when Maria entered their bedroom. She sighed and went to change in the bathroom. It seemed like, no matter how hard Maria tried, she kept making mistake after mistake. Natasha felt the same way, she felt like she was always pushing or wanting too much.

She got ready, then silently got into bed. She hugged her, holding her close, and kissed her shoulder.

“I'm sorry.”

“You didn't do anything wrong, Natasha. I'm sorry for bringing him up, it was stupid.”

“It wasn't, you didn't know. But I swear I just want you, Maria.”

“I know. I love you. I still love you and I always will.”

“ _The crushing difference”_ Natasha thought _“is that I'm still in love with you.”_ She didn't say that, of course, because what good could it do? What could ever change because of that sentence if not for the worse? “I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! If someone would like to be my beta-reader for this story, feel free to send me a message on [tumblr](http://thetruthaboutlovecomesat3am.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> I know this chapter was a little bittersweet, but next one is going to be happier. Let me know what you thought about this! Have a good day, love you all!


	5. Step 5: Re-build

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, a huge thank to delphinecormier who has been the best beta and has edited this in time to be posted on time!

Step 5: Re-build

  


Teachers sometimes went on strikes. Maria had somehow disregarded that information completely, until the day they drove to school and saw the parents standing outside. She and Mack got out while Natasha waited, keeping the car engine running.

“ What is happening?” she asked one of the other parents of Mack's class.

“ The teachers are on strike. Apparently the principal wants to cut off art and music funds and they're protesting. We're highly encouraged to take our kids back home, but some of us can't. They'll probably end up in the gym and principal Harris will look after them.”

Maria felt Mack tug at her sleeve and bent down to hear her out.

“ They're going to put us with the older kids” she told her, her eyes a little frightened. “At least they did in public school. That older kid that's been nagging me because I skipped a class is going to pick on me.”

Maria's hold on her hand tightened. “No, I'm not leaving you here if you don't have class, Mack. I think it's just an emergency solution for parents who can't bring their kids to work.”

She saw Paul arriving and talked to him about what was happening, asking about how long the strike would last. He hoped that with luck, they could work it out in a day or two, but he didn’t know for certain how long it would be and it would be best if the ones who could take their kids back home did so.

So they got back in the car and she briefly told Natasha what happened. She started to drive and she looked at Maria with a slight frown.

“ I kinda promised Tony I would help him with a new software he's working on today, but I can totally ditch him, I just need an excuse.”

“ I'm sure that if he asked for your help, it must be pretty important, I can ask Pepper for the day off. We haven't had a breach in security in forever. It's alright, we can have a day off” she said, turning to look at Mack in the back seat, who perked up immediately.

“ Alright then” Natasha smiled, but Maria could see it was forced. “Ask Pepper, I'll park the car. Let me know if there's any trouble.”

She stopped in front of the SI building and Maria leaned in, kissing her on the lips before getting out of the car and waiting as Mack did the same. She offered her hand, Mack taking it immediately and they walked in towards the elevators.

“ This place looks really fancy.”

“ It does, it's true. Stark has always had a weak spot for shiny things” Maria chuckled.

Mack looked up immediately. “That's the Tony Natasha was talking about?” she asked as they got on the elevator. “Am I going to see him?”

“ Not if I'm lucky” Maria sighed. “He's always bothering me.”

“ In a bad way or like when Natasha says Clint is always bothering her but they're friends and she actually just likes to pretend it annoys her when he's cute?”

Maria tried not to smile but it was impossible. That kid was just too adorable.

“ I guess we're kind of friends, but that doesn't mean he's not annoying.”

Mack chuckled. “You're friends with Tony Stark, that's  _ rad _ .”

Maria smiled, sure that Natasha taught her that word, as they exited the elevator and approached Pepper's office. She waved to her secretary, asking if she could speak with Pepper. The secretary called her, then nodded at Maria and pointed at the door to signal that she could enter. She also gave a huge smile to Mack and made an adorable 'Aw' sound at them.

Maria ignored her and knocked on the office door.

“ Hey, Pepper, I'm sorry to bother you” she entered and immediately saw Pepper's chair spin around to reveal Tony in her place. “Stark. What are you doing here?”

“ It's my company.”

“ In Pepper's office, I meant. And what's with the spin? I swear, you're always so unnecessarily dramatic, Stark.”

“ Ignore him. He's bored and Natasha's late” Pepper told them, coming back from the side door that led to her personal archive. Her eyes landed on Mack almost immediately. “Hi” she greeted her with a smile.

“ Hi” Mack waved, half hidden behind Maria.

“I'm Pepper, I'm a friend of your mom” she offered a hand.

Mack looked up and Maria smiled reassuringly at her, both because of the term 'mom' being used by a stranger for the first time and because of Pepper's outstretched hand.

“I'm Mack, it's nice to meet you,” she said as she shook Pepper’s hand, then turned to Tony, looking up at Maria again for a second. Her smile was still in place. “I can wait in your office if you're busy. I'll be quiet and I'll just sit next to you and do my homework.”

She felt a little intimidated by Tony's presence, Maria could feel it, and as always she didn't want to be a burden.

Pepper looked at Maria, frowning slightly.

“Her teachers are on strike and the school is closed for the day. Any chance I can have the day off or maybe she can stay with me?”

“Oh, God,” Pepper grimaced. “I'm so happy to have finally met you, Mack, believe me. But this couldn’t have happened on a worse day. I thought Helen called you up because I asked her to. There's a problem with two of your direct employees, and we're having a meeting in twenty minutes.”

Maria sighed. “Please tell me it's not conflict of interests.”

“I'm afraid so. There’s a possibility that they've been selling our stuff at a rival company for two months now.”

Maria groaned. “Let me just make a couple of calls and-”

There was a knock on the door and Natasha walked in as soon as Pepper invited her to.

“FRIDAY said Stark was here and Helen confirmed it. I thought he was using your office while you were out, sorry.”

“It's fine, me and Maria actually have a meeting in twenty minutes, so the office is yours” Pepper told her with a smile. “Would you like to come to the meeting with us, Mack?” she then addressed the kid.

She looked up at Maria, then back at Natasha. The redhead smiled at her and stepped towards her, putting a hand on her shoulder.

“How would you like to stay with me and Tony and help us work on a project? We'll find you something to take apart and fix.”

Her eyes sparkled and she turned to Maria.

“That sounds fun” Maria encouraged her.

“Thank you!” she hugged Maria, then Natasha. “Thanks.”

“Lunch in my office?” Maria whispered to Natasha.

“You got it.”

“So, mini-Hill” Stark got up and rounded the desk. “I'm Tony” he offered his hand solemnly. “And I will most definitely find you something to take apart in no time.”

“It's an honor to meet you, Mr Stark.”

He smiled, then smiled at Maria. She rolled her eyes at him, then kissed Mack on the top of her head and headed out after Pepper.

  


As Natasha suspected, Stark's “new software” was actually an excuse to try to get her to admit the name of her alleged wife, along with an anniversary and a picture. But even Stark wasn't nosey enough to question her in front of a kid, and made up an excuse after he showed them the room with all his unfinished projects and fled.

They ended up picking one and trying to figure out what it was before giving up as a lost cause and asked FRIDAY if it was something important or irreplaceable. Since it wasn't, they started taking it apart in order to figure out what its function might have been.

Maria found them a couple hours later, still in the lab, dismantling every unfortunate object FRIDAY let them have, then putting it back together. They were almost always successful and they one time they weren't they covered their tracks pretty well. She walked in to Natasha sitting at a work desk, with Mack sitting on her legs holding a screwdriver and repairing what looked like a very old tablet.

“Hey, did you two have fun?” she asked, walking in and laying a hand on Natasha's shoulder, smiling down at both of them.

“Yes! So much! Thank you for letting me stay here” Mack almost bounced on Natasha's legs. “It was awesome.”

“I'm glad” she smiled even more. “I'm done with the meeting and I have another one in an hour, but how about we grab some lunch together from the place across the street?”

“Oh, yes, I'm starving” Natasha complained. “What do you say, little one?”

“Yeah, I'm hungry, too.”

“Come on then” Maria said, offering her hand to Mack. She took it and jumped off.

They started walking as Mack told Maria everything they took apart and put back together throughout the morning.

As they sat at a table and ordered something to eat, Mack fell silent and Maria could see she was thinking about something, but didn't push her to tell them what it was, patiently waiting as Mack looked from her to Natasha a couple of times and smiled at her encouragingly.

“Maria?”

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Do you remember when you said you might adopt me?”

“Yes, little one, we're doing that, we already called Miss Wyatt” Natasha told her.

“And did you hear what Miss Potts said?”

Maria had a feeling that that was where she was going to go. Her heart started pounding in her chest.

“Yes, I did.”

“Am I allowed to say you're my mom? To call you that?”

“If you want to, yes, you are.”

“Both of you?” she turned to Natasha.

“Yes” she answered immediately. “Of course, little one, both of us.”

“Okay. What did Miss Wyatt say?” she asked, curiously.

“She told us she will start on the paperwork and we'll have to go in court eventually, but for now they'll just keep monitoring us and maybe they'll come for a surprise visit, but that's about it” Maria explained.

Mack smiled, but didn't say anything else. She felt pretty happy and giddy inside.

  


After they had lunch together, Maria went back to work while Natasha and Mack went to a nearby park to hang out in the open air since it was a sunny day. They found a lot of dogs to pet, so Natasha considered it a pretty productive afternoon.

When they went back to pick up Maria, she was on the phone as she entered the car. She ended the call as she stepped in, then sighed and turned to Natasha and sighed again.

“I'm so glad this day is over, I have a massive headache.”

“Let's go home, I'll make you some tea and you'll feel better after dinner” she smiled and gently took her hand, then quickly retracted it and starting to drive.

Maria turned back and Mack immediately leaned forward to get a kiss on the cheek.

“So, how much fun did you have?” she asked with a forced smile, pushing through the pain.

“Lots and lots. There were a lot of dogs to pet, it was pretty awesome.”

“Oh, I wish I could have been there with you two” Maria chuckled, her hand landing on Natasha's knee as she leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes.

Natasha glanced at her quickly, but she could see that Maria was exhausted. She suffered from migraines often, but every once in awhile a particularly bad one would drain all her energy.

They went home and Natasha made some tea and dinner, but Maria's headache didn't subside, so she went to lay down right after dinner. Mack was starting to get worried about her strange behavior. She had never seen Maria like that.

She walked to Natasha as she finished washing their dishes and was getting a glass of water.

“Is Maria okay? Is she mad about what I said at lunch?” she asked timidly.

“Absolutely not, little one. She has a headache, she gets them sometimes” Natasha told her with a gentle smile, squeezing her shoulder lightly. “I'm going to bring this to her to make it better” she said as she took the pill along with the glass she prepared.

“Can I come say goodnight?” Mack asked, still a little worried.

“Of course, she'd like that. Come on.”

They made their way to the bedroom where the lights were off when they entered, but Natasha switched on the lamp on the nightstand by her side of the bed.

“Hey, I brought you an aspirin” she said softly.

Maria opened her eyes slightly, eyes adjusting to the light. She saw Mack and smiled immediately, taking the pill and the glass from Natasha.

“Thank you” she answered tiredly. “What's wrong honey?”

“I'm sorry you're hurting” Mack said with a sad voice that made Maria's heart ache as well.

“I'll be alright in the morning, sweetheart. I promise.”

Mack sat on the bed, waited until Maria finished her water, then hugged her tightly.

“Can I lay with you for a little while? I'll go when it's my bedtime, I promise.”

“Of course you can, Mack” she said, returning the hug.

Maria felt her heart sink when she remembered that Mack's birth mother, according to her file, had suffered from severe depression. She died when Mack was three, so she probably didn't remember much, aside from seeing her lying a lot in bed in the dark. Maria felt bad for making her worry, but the pounding pain in her head just begged her to lay down and close her eyes again. She had no idea how to explain to Mack that it was not the same.

“How about, for tonight, instead of me reading to you we let Natasha read to the both of us? Would that be okay?”

“Yeah” she said, not letting go of Maria.

“I'll go pick up your book” Natasha said softly. “Be right back, alright?” she kissed them both on the head and went to Mack's room.

She was only gone long enough to call Clint and Steve briefly, pick the book and go back, but when she entered again, Maria and Mack both appeared to be asleep, Maria laying on her back and Mack on her side with her head resting on Maria's shoulder, the woman's right arm wrapped protectively around the kid.

She just smiled to herself, put the book on her nightstand and quietly laid next to them on the bed, without changing.

Maria, feeling the bed shift, opened her eyes slightly.

“We dozed off, didn't we?” she asked in a whisper.

“It's alright. We can sleep like this for one night, if you're comfortable” Natasha smiled at her, as she gently brushed Mack's hair out of her face.

“I love you, Natasha” she said sleepily.

“I love you, too. So much.”

She kissed Maria gently on the lips, watching her smile contentedly as she slowly drifted back to sleep. Natasha felt truly, incredibly happy.

  


Maria was awoken by her alarm the next morning, but as she turned, Mack started to stir. She tried to turn it off quickly to let her fall back asleep, but she was already opening her eyes. She looked up at Maria, a little confused for a moment, then she remembered why she was there.

“Did we fall asleep?” she asked, closing her eyes again, too tired to keep them open.

“Yes” Maria told her, kissing her forehead.

“Are you mad?”

“No, I'm not” she smiled.

“Are you feeling better?”

“A lot better, I'm as good as new” she told her, smiling.

“Good morning” Natasha mumbled sleepily from her side of the bed. “It's so early. Why are you two already up?”

“I'm going for my morning routine” Maria said. “You two get more sleep, I'll wake you up when I'm done, alright?” she kissed Mack on the forehead again, then kissed Natasha on the lips and finally got up.

Mack, without much of a fuss, rolled over and hugged Natasha like she was hugging Maria moments before and went back to sleep. Natasha smiled a little and hugged her back.

She vaguely registered Maria changing and saying something before she fell back asleep.

  


They got to Mack's school just in time for her not to be late for class, but they were, of course, late for work. Or rather, Maria was, while Natasha was following her to the elevators without a single worry about the fact that she was supposed to be in the gym ten minutes ago.

“I might have to work overtime, yesterday's mess is still a mess” Maria told her with a sigh. She had been on the phone since they left the house - a call, then constant texting, then two more calls and now she was back to the texting. She finally put away her phone as they waited for the elevator together.

“We'll wait then. But can I come to have lunch with you?”

“Yes, of course” she smiled.

“Hey, Nat” Steve's voice made them turn around. Bucky and him were entering the lobby. “Maria, nice to see you” he smiled brightly at her.

“You, too, Steve. Mr Barnes” she smiled politely as he nodded at her.

“What are you doing here?” Natasha asked him, a blank expression.

“Not even a greeting?” Barnes smirked a little.

“Hello. What are you doing here? We spoke yesterday and you didn't say you were coming by” she asked again.

“I just thought we could come again to train with you. You didn't even spar with Bucky last time, we were in the ring all morning” Steve explained.

Natasha saw Maria's jaw twitch a little as she faced the elevator's door again.

“And I'm not going to this time either” Natasha shrugged, entering the elevator with Maria as soon as it opened.

“It's going up” Maria noted.

“I'll ride with you” she said curtly.

“We'll come, too” Steve immediately offered, and tilted his head, signalling for Bucky to get in.

They got on, Maria staying at the front, pushing the button for her floor, as Natasha stopped by her side, Steve and Bucky slipping in to stand behind them.

“Why not, Romanoff? Scared?”

She turned slightly, raising an eyebrow, sizing him up.

“Sure, scared I'd hurt you.”

Steve snorted. “Not likely. Maybe you'll finally lose on the mat, actually.”

“It wouldn't really be the first time” she shrugged. “A couple of people have beaten me, not many, but it's happened. There is no shame in losing, as long as you learn from your mistakes” she smirked a little, then shrugged again. “Besides, one of them actually cheated.”

Maria sighed and rolled her eyes. “Not this again” she muttered, sounding exasperated, but Natasha knew she actually wasn't. It was a recurring joke between them.

“You did cheat, Hill. I'll keep saying it ‘til you admit it.”

“Wait, Maria was the one to beat you on the mat?” Steve asked, baffled.

“I won fair and square, Romanoff” the elevator doors opened and she got out, then turned around, holding the doors open with her hand. “You'll have to accept it someday.”

She looked at Natasha, raising an eyebrow, while the redhead tried her best not to blatantly smirk at her. Maria remembered that day perfectly. Maybe it was cheating a little, but hey, they said that everything's fair in love and war and that match had a bit of both. After two hours of sparring in the empty gym, Natasha tried the move where she strangled her opponent with the thighs and Maria just panicked and bit her. She was so surprised Maria actually managed to bring her down to the mat. After she won they went to the locker room and she just watched Natasha staring into her locker for all of thirty seconds before sauntering towards her, leaning against the locker next to her, and smirked at her in a way she never thought she had the confidence to pull off.

“ _ You just want your thighs around my neck.” _

“ _ I know I tried a hard move, but you cheated.” _

“ _ No, you actually just want your thighs” _ she paused when Natasha finally looked at her  “ _ around my neck” _ she swallowed, feeling her confidence leaving her.

Was it a smooth and brilliant line? No, it wasn't. Did she regret it? Deeply. But was it effective? Oh, God, was it ever.

A second later – they'd never agreed on who started it – they were kissing. Maria remembered every last detail. How Natasha's hands gripped the fabric of her shirt on her shoulders, the gentle press of Natasha's legs wrapped around her hips, the path her lips traced from Natasha's mouth to her throat and then back up, again and again, her left hand gripping the cold metal of the locker as the right one scratched Natasha's abdomen, going lower, lower, into her shorts and-

Maria was abruptly brought out of her staring contest with Natasha and back to reality as Steve cleared his throat.

“I wouldn't mind a rematch, someday” Maria said, trying to keep her voice normal.

“Oh, I wouldn't either” Natasha's eyes were quick, but Maria knew her well enough to be able to see them lingering on her own lips for a second, before glancing back up.

She tried her best to remain composed as ever, stopping herself from pondering if Natasha had been thinking about the same thing she had – not the match she won, but what that match had led to.

“Bye, Steve. Bye Mr Barnes. Have a nice day.”

“You, too, Maria” Steve answered politely. She smiled at them then turned around. Before the doors closed again, she heard Steve say to Natasha “Aren't you two close friends? That was a bit of a too competitive stare between friends.” She could only hope Barnes was as naive as Steve and mistook their look for competitiveness as well.

She tried not to think about Natasha and Barnes on the mat too much.

When the morning came to an end and a knock on her office door announced Natasha's arrival, she sighed with relief. She was already exhausted. They sat together on her office couch and ate the lunch Natasha brought, talking about their mornings and laughing a lot. They were getting better, Maria noticed. So, when Natasha's hand landed on her thigh while laughing, she paused for a moment and looked at her without feeling the need to filter her own gaze. She just looked at her like she used to.

“What are you thinking about?” Natasha asked, her laugh dying out, her fingers lightly squeezing Maria's thigh.

Maria looked into those green eyes that she knew were going to be the death of her. She shifted closer without a word, hand slipping onto the back of Natasha's neck, bringing her in, as she moved forward and kissed her firmly on the lips. Natasha felt her heart pound in her chest the moment Maria's lips parted and she deepened the kiss. After a few seconds they broke apart and Natasha looked at her, waiting for her to say something, hoping it wouldn't be something regretful.

But Maria just smirked at her and whispered “I still think you let me win because you wanted your thighs around my neck,” before kissing her again.

Natasha relaxed and kissed her back, holding her face in her hands.

“I didn't let you win” she corrected her, moving to straddle her on the couch as she leaned in for another kiss. One of her hands was tangled in Maria's hair and the other one grasped at the collar of her shirt. She felt Maria gripping her hips, pulling her impossibly closer. “But I did want you and I still desperately do,” she breathed between kisses.

Maria kissed her back, hugging her closer. When they parted she kissed her jaw line, then her neck, her collarbone, then her neck again, as Natasha tightened her grip. She bit down lightly and heard a gasp fall from Natasha’s mouth.

“Natasha” she whispered, wanting to say something she didn't quite know how to put into words.

The moment was interrupted when someone knocked on the door. Natasha was quick to push herself off of her and Maria immediately got up, turning her back on the door before it was even fully opened, as she straightened her clothes as best as she could.

“Maria, I wanted to-” Pepper stopped dead in her tracks as she saw Natasha sitting on the couch and took in the look Maria had once she actually turned towards her. She stepped in and closed the door behind herself, looking back and forth between the two of them. “What is happening here?” she asked slowly.

“We were having lunch” Maria told her, hoping to God she didn't look or sound as flustered as she felt. “What can I do for you?”

“I need the reports from yesterday's meetings.”

“I gave them to Helen hours ago” she said, raising an eyebrow.

Pepper sighed and rolled her eyes. “That girl's head has a citizenship in the clouds, I swear. Anyway, what were you doing?”

“Maria just told you, Pepper” Natasha chimed in. “We were having lunch.”

“You're married” she told Natasha in a reprimanding tone before turning to Maria, taking in the strands of hair falling out from her bun. “And you have a kid, Maria. Your hair's a mess.”

Maria swallowed and her hands went to fix it as she looked down, away from Pepper's inquiring eyes.

“Sit down, please” Natasha told her.

“How long has this been going on? Is this where you disappeared to every lunch break?” she asked Natasha. Then she chuckled ironically. “Tony was sure you were having an affair with Barnes, he wasn't too far off, it would seem.”

Maria grunted. “Don't even compare me to a man who has no hesitation hitting on a married woman” she sighed, her hands landing on her own hips as she looked at Pepper again.

“At least he's not having an affair with one” Pepper scoffed.

“Maria's not either” Natasha told her firmly. “Pepper, please, sit down.” 

Pepper didn't move, staring accusingly at Maria. Maria had an apologetic look in her eyes that Pepper automatically misinterpreted.

“I'm your friend, why didn't you tell me about this?” there was pain in her voice and Maria looked down. It was actually a lot worse then what Pepper thought from that point of view.

“I couldn't” she whispered.

“I asked her not to” Natasha corrected.

“Don't even get me started, Natasha” Pepper warned her. “I'm your friend too, I get why you chose not to tell us you're married to protect the identity of your spouse, but cheating on her? I'll have every intention of dragging you into a soundproof room so that I can yell at you, deadly spy or not, ‘til you come to your senses!”

“So you understand why I couldn't tell you who she is.”

“Of course I do, we all do. Even Tony, in between one childish behavior and the other.”

“And let's say for a second you knew her, you wouldn't be mad at her for keeping my secret, would you?”

“Well, no. But what this have to do with anything?”

“Pepper please, sit down” this time Maria was the one who asked her to, understanding where Natasha was going.

“ _ Oh my God _ ”  Pepper whispered when it hit her.

“Pepper, Tony can't know this” Maria started. “Nobody can know this. This information doesn't leave this room, okay?”

“You're the wife” she whispered. “That’s why Mack looked so cozy around you. You two adopted her together.”

“Pepper, please” Maria begged.

“Of course, Maria. I get it, I know. I won't tell a soul. I'm just - my mind is blown. But I'm also so incredibly glad to know you're both happy” she chuckled. “God, that was a terrible moment I had there. Well, sorry for the misunderstanding. And I guess, since I already have my reports, I'll leave you to the rest of your lunch break.”

She chuckled again, sighing in relief, as she turned on her heels and left.

Maria and Natasha were left staring at the closed door for a long moment, then Natasha got up and turned to Maria and they just looked at each other for a second, then both started laughing.

“I can't believe that just happened.”

“Most of our friends are spies, super soldiers and trained super heroes and the first one to find out is the CEO. Wait until I tell Clint” Natasha snorted, walking towards the desk.

“I'm sorry you had to tell her.”

“I didn't have to. I just wanted to. And I bet you she's coming back in twenty seconds to ask the billion questions that filled her mind since she walked out.”

Maria snorted. “Probably” she hugged Natasha and kissed her cheek. “Sorry if I made you uncomfortable in any way.”

“You didn't. Please, don't think that” Natasha told her, returning the hug. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

As Natasha predicted, Pepper burst back in, ready to inquire about every single thing there was to ask questions about.

  


Maria entered the bathroom as Natasha finished brushing her teeth and put away the toothbrush. She stopped behind her, noticing the thoughtful expression on Natasha’s face.

“Are you okay?” her hand landed softly on Natasha's arm.

She looked at her through the mirror and smiled a little. “Yeah.”

Maria frowned. “You look tense” she took another step, her hands flying to Natasha's shoulders as she squeezed lightly. “What is it?”

Natasha leaned back into the touch and smiled a little more.

“Do you regret what happened today?”

Maria thought she meant what happened with Pepper, her frown deepened.

“No, of course I don't. Do you? Wait, were you uncomfortable? God Natasha, I'm so sorry if I made you feel like you had to tell Pepper, I didn't think someone could walk in on us, I'm-”

Natasha turned, shaking her head.

“ No, not that. I meant the kiss.”

“ Oh” Maria's shoulders sagged and her hands fell away from Natasha's shoulders. “You regret kissing me.”

“ No! ” Natasha told her hurriedly. “I was worried you do. I thought maybe you were just caught up in the moment.”

“ I'm confused. What do you regret then?”

“ Nothing. No, I'm just” she sighed, shaking her head, as her gaze dropped. “I was just nervous, I thought things might have been weird. But I was the one who made them weird by bringing it up.”

Maria chuckled a little, brushing Natasha's hair out of her face. She bent her head and kissed her quickly and lightly on the lips.

“ Why would I ever regret kissing you?” she asked in reverent whisper.

“ I don't know, I just stopped thinking you would want to” she admitted before even realizing she was actually saying it.

She just stared at her hands clutching the collar of Maria's shirt, then she looked up into those blue eyes, looking at her incredulously.

“ Are you kidding me, Natasha? I want to kiss you approximately ninety-nine-point-nine percent of the time.”

Maria kissed her again, perhaps trying to prove that exact point. Natasha looked into her soft blue eyes and kissed her again, finding comfort in her wife's arms. She felt utterly safe and content in a way she hadn't felt in a while.

It was a quick shift. It was soft and chaste a moment before. Natasha had no idea if she was the one who changed the pace or if Maria was responsible for that, but a moment later she pulled her in closer and Maria's hands were on her hips and suddenly it was all but chaste. It was a familiar feeling, but it didn't stop her heart from pounding in her chest when she felt Maria's tongue brush gently against her own. She gasped and grasped Maria's hair tighter with her left hand, clutching on her shirt with the right one. Maria's lips were suddenly on her neck and she opened her eyes for a moment, trying to regain some sort of clarity, to get back the power to make some sort of decision, but the only thing she could think about was the hand making her way under her shirt and sliding up her side.

She failed miserably in her attempt at making a rational decision about anything, but luckily for her, it didn't seem to matter. Maria's hands pushed her shirt off of her and then she kissed her again and Natasha's hands moved automatically, undoing the buttons of Maria's shirt.

The warmth of Maria’s body disappeared and Natasha opened her eyes to see that Maria had stepped back. She felt her stomach sink and was already starting to apologize when she saw Maria pulling off her own unbuttoned shirt. Then, Maria took her hand, intertwined their fingers and tugged her towards the door and into their bedroom, walking backwards, unable to take her eyes off her.

She sat on their bed, took both of Natasha's hands and then looked up at her.

“ What's wrong?”

Natasha let go of her hands, sliding up her shoulders to frame her face instead, looking at her without saying a word. Maria waited patiently, her hands gently brushing the fabric of Natasha's jeans as she smiled gently up at her, only breaking the eye contact to softly kiss Natasha's belly before she looked back up at her.

There wasn't a single thing Natasha didn't absolutely worship about that woman. Her slightly concerned eyes, her barely-there smile, the soft touch of her hands caressing her hips, the gentle brush of her lips against her own stomach. Natasha was so in love with her, it was irritating that she also felt so insecure about Maria's feelings towards her.

She wanted to be with Maria again in every possible way. But she had tried before to fix things that way and it never worked out. And she had resolved to stop making the same mistakes again and again - that wasn't a way to fix anything, it had never been. They both knew that. It was just easier to lose themselves in each other and be together instead of talking about things they didn't have the guts to say or didn't want to listen to. But not this time. No more.

“ Are you sure we should do this?”

She realized how stupid it sounded, because both of them wanted to. She felt even more vulnerable and insecure than a moment before and clutched Maria's shoulders for dear life, looking down with uncertainty in her eyes.

Maria looked surprised for a second but not mad. She nodded, otherwise not moving.

“ It's okay if you're not sure, I don't want to rush you” she told her, her soft smile coming right back to her lips. “Do you need some space?” she asked, but Natasha was already shaking her head, holding her even tighter. “Are you uncomfortable?”

Natasha shook her head again and bent down to kiss her on the lips. “I just want to keep kissing you” she admitted in a whisper.

“ I'm confused again” Maria's response came as she returned Natasha's kisses.

Natasha sighed, resting her forehead on Maria's for a moment, then sitting down on the bed next to her and taking her hand.

“ I don't want you to think this is how I intend to fix things. It's not. I just - I don't want you to think I'm falling back into my old pattern of not talking to you, because I'm not. So, even if I want to, I don't think we should do this until you said everything you wanted to, and I said everything I had to so you can trust me again” she explained as best as she could.

Maria smiled again and brushed back her hair gently.

“ I do trust you, Nat. And there's really not much more I wanted to say besides how sorry I am about that day I freaked out and told you I wanted a divorce, because I didn't, and how I acted about the adoption, because it was stupid and unfair” she said quietly and with regret colouring her voice.

“ You don't have to be sorry, you were right. I was acting stupidly and I was weird and distant and I get it, Maria. I'm the one who should apologize-”

“ You already did. Even for things you didn't have to apologize for, Natasha. You were saving lives and I should have trusted you back then.”

Natasha hugged her and hid her face in her neck. Maria wrapped her arms around her and held her close, skin against skin, their shirts gone and forgotten.

“ I'll never keep a secret again, the next bad guy who comes around, you'll be the first one to know, I promise” Natasha whispered.

Maria chuckled lightly. “I love you so much.”

“ I love you too, Maria. I can't live without you, nothing ever made sense to me before you and I'm sure nothing would ever again.”

Maria took her face into her hands and looked into her eyes. “It goes for me as well. Maybe things are messy right now, but it’s still a million times better compared to how lost and lonely and empty I was without you.”

Natasha kissed her again but it wasn't like before. It wasn't full of insecurity and worry and caution. It was sure and reassuring. Firm and soft and vibrant all at once, she felt like she was kissing her wife, her Maria again. And Maria could do nothing but kiss her back.

She shifted and straddled Maria and felt Maria’s fingers clutch her own hips, desperate to hold onto something, as her nails gently scraped Maria's shoulders and upper back, bringing her closer. She pushed at Maria's shoulders until she was laying on her back, her hands travelling downwards, over her abdomen and down to the button of her pants.

Maria's hands clutched her wrists and she paused immediately.

“ I thought you said-”

“ You were right. There's really not much more to be said” she kissed Maria's neck, the skin above her clavicle, then she gently bit down on her shoulder only to travel back, kissing her shoulder again, then her sternum. “And I want you so much” she whispered before kissing her on the lips again.

“ I want you, too” Maria said in a breathy whisper as she let go of Natasha's hand to cup her face instead. “Are you sure?” she looked up into green eyes.

“ I am if you are.”

Maria nodded and kissed her again. And it was all Natasha needed to finally be able to let go of all the fears anchoring her down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I wasn't sure about a couple of things in this chapter but here it is. Let me know what you thought if you want, there were quite a few steps ahead for Natasha and Maria.
> 
> (About the rate changing: it's partly for the content of this chapter, even though I think it could have stayed T-rated I wanted to be safe; also, in a couple of chapters, there might be some possibly violent fight scenes so you know, better safe than sorry.)
> 
> Let me know what you thought about the chapter, love to you all!


	6. Step 6: Better Than Ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title really says it all!

Step 6: Better Than Ever

  


Maria was sitting at her desk, filling out some paperwork, when her office door burst open and Clint came in, closing it again behind him. He sat down on the chair in front of her, with the most annoying smirk Maria had ever been faced with.

“What’s your problem?”

“I, as a matter of fact, do not have one single problem on this fine day” he told her smugly, his annoying smile still in place.

Maria grimaced, then slowly put down her pen.

“Everything is good, the sun shines, birds sing in the sky-”

“The only bird here is sitting in front of me and you aren't that great of a singer.”

“Ouch. That hurt. Anyway, as I was saying, everything is _peachy_. Wanna know why?”

“Not particularly, no” Maria shook her head and grimaced again.

“I know what you did” he whispered, his smirk widening. “I had my suspicions before, because this whole week Natasha hasn't been training the Avengers, she's been training _with_ the Avengers, and she hasn't even been punishing Steve in a physical or emotional way for bringing Bucky with him every morning. And that was one thing, but now that I've seen this” he gestured to Maria. “It's blatantly obvious. You are _smiling_.”

“I'm not.”

“You are. Even while frowning, which is odd. But you're smiling. You're happy. Natasha is happy. I know what happened.”

“You do?”

Maria loved Clint. She did. It wasn't to say he made it easy, but Clint, Laura and the kids were like family to both Natasha and herself. They were  probably their oldest friends along with Sharon, Melinda and Phil. So it wasn't that she didn't like him per se. She just didn't want to discuss what happened between Natasha and herself because certain things weren't meant to be discussed with your wife's best friend.

“You two are starting to talk! I'm so happy you're starting to work through your issues.”

Maria's eyebrow were shooting up before she could control them. “Yes, that is exactly what has been happening. Why don't we all go to lunch together? I'll call Pepper.”

“Wait, you're not going to yell at me for half an hour because I pried into your personal lives? Two of my best friends' personal lives by the way. I even prepared an awesome counter-speech.”

“And I would love to hear it” Maria reassured him with a smile. Why was she being nice to him? Was avoiding talking about their sex lives really worth all that effort? Probably yes, actually. “Why don't we go to the restaurant down the street and” she paused while getting up and pocketed her cellphone “you can tell me about it.”

“Wait a second, you're trying to distract me” he squinted his eyes as though if he concentrated hard enough he would actually be able to see her motive. “I know you well enough to know that there's only three topics you would avoid like this but only one you would try to avoid with me and that's – oh my God! Ew!” he grimaced and shook his head. “No, I didn't need to know this, God!” he covered his face with his hands like it could do any good and Maria overtly rolled her eyes even if he couldn't currently see her. “Why would you talk about that, you two are like my sisters!”

“I was trying to avoid talking about it like you pointed out” Maria corrected him. “Please, let's not make this even more awkward and let's just go to lunch.”

He nodded and got up and they started walking out of her office.

“Does this mean you'll get all sweet and flirty again and I'll want to puke whenever I'm around the two of you?”

“Probably.”

“Awesome” he smiled to himself, as Maria knocked on Pepper's door while rolling her eyes.

  


Natasha was waiting for the elevator. She had already showered and was reading a text from Maria asking her if she wanted to go to lunch with Clint and Pepper. She was about to reply when Steve and Bucky caught up with her.

“Hey, heading out?”

“Yeah, I'm going to lunch” she smiled politely at Steve.

She didn't enjoy the situation. She loved Steve as a brother and she didn't have particularly negative feelings towards Barnes, when he wasn't trying to murder her. But she felt awkward because she trusted Maria's guts and her observational skills and if she said she saw something, Natasha had no reason to believe she wasn't right. Maria wasn't usually jealous, not without a more than valid reason. Besides, she was well aware of every time Bucky flirted with her and it was too often and a little too forward to be just innocent rambling between friends – they weren't even that close, and she was starting to get a little uncomfortable around him, mostly because Steve seemed oblivious and always defended him.

“Can we join or are you going with your wife?” Bucky asked, miming air-quotations around the word “wife” that made Natasha frown deeply at him.

“Why did you do that?” she eyed him carefully. He shrugged. “The air-quote thing?” she pressed on, raising an eyebrow.

Steve just sighed and pressed the elevator button once more as if Natasha hadn't already done that twelve times.

“Nothing. Just, you know, we never actually saw her.”

“Not this again” she groaned and pressed the button again, repeatedly, ignoring that Steve had just done the same.

“He's kidding” Steve stated.

The elevator doors finally opened, revealing three people already inside.

Clint stopped mid laugh and turned to her. “Hey, we texted you, ready to go to lunch?”

Natasha got into the elevator without a word.

“And her good mood vanished” he sighed, exchanging a look with Maria, who was equally puzzled, taking in Natasha's forced smile.

When nobody spoke, Pepper pushed the button to the ground floor and they all stayed silent for a couple of seconds.

“Is it cool if we join in for lunch?” Steve asked to Clint, Pepper and Maria and they all silently nodded at his request.

“I'm just saying-” Bucky started again, calmly, right after Steve’s question.

“Can you please just tell him my wife is real?” Natasha interrupted him, sighing in frustration.

They all paused for a second, staring at Natasha and then, after a long moment, they all turned to Bucky.

“Her wife is real” Maria confirmed in a neutral tone.

“Very real. I caught them making out. It was cute” Pepper added with a fond smile.

“Oh, really?” Clint smirked, turning to her. “Do tell” he wiggled his eyebrows. “But please, don't go into specifics because they're like sisters to me and I've already seen and heard enough to be traumatized for a lifetime” he clarified with a slight frown.

Pepper chuckled. “Were they always like that?”

Maria really wished she wasn't between them in the back row of the elevator, but she was and she could see both Steve and Barnes turn around to follow the conversation. Eventually Natasha did too and she tried her best not to look at her or give anything away with her expression. She was very glad when the doors opened and they started to walk towards the exit and to the restaurant.

“Believe it or not, it used to be worse” Clint told her. “After they started dating, we had an intervention. Sharon made an actual Power Point. The title was 'Your Gayness Can Be Seen From Space' and it was one slide after the other of increasingly zoomed in pictures from one of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s satellites pointing at our Helicarrier, you could see the Earth, then America, and there were like twenty slides! It kept going until the last one was just a picture of them making out on the open bridge.”

“It was a cute Power Point, we showed it at our wedding” Natasha smirked a little.

“And I made T-shirts with 'Their Gayness Can Be Seen From Space' printed on the front and a collage of every picture taken of them on the back and gave them to everyone” Clint snorted. “Sharon and I went to every dinner with those on for months. I'm pretty sure Phil framed his.”

“I will pay you any amount of money to get me one” Pepper told him immediately in a deadly serious tone.

“Please, I'll do it for free just to see them pretend they're not internally screaming and dying of embarrassment when I give it to you” he shrugged and smiled. “They're still so cute after all this time.”

“How long have you even been married for?” Steve asked Natasha. “Wait, did a lot of people know when you were in S.H.I.E.L.D.?”

Natasha shrugged. “Our friends did. I wasn't known as the Black Widow by everyone back then, only a few people knew what I looked like, so it wasn't dangerous. Plus, you and I were getting close before all that mess where you and Tony were getting your _divorce_ because your ex _boyfriend_ was back in town” she side glanced at Barnes “and I wanted to tell you, but a lot happened since then and I haven't really had a chance before the night I told everyone. And honestly, since you've all been gossiping about this and talking about it behind my back, trying to spy on me, or even accusing me of making this up, I'm not sure I can trust any of you with this. But I'm trusting her. Whatever you boys might do with this information, I know she can take care of herself.”

They got into the restaurant and sat down. Maria thought the conversation was over and done with, but she wasn't quite right. She was sitting between Natasha and Pepper and in front of Steve, Clint sat in front of Natasha so Bucky took the place in front of Pepper.

“More than six years, by the way” Natasha said while reading the menu. “We've been together longer than eight.”

“And she's fine with you hiding your relationship?” Bucky asked.

“She understands why” Natasha shrugged. “She doesn't agree, but she's been amazingly patient about this.”

“I think I'll have the lasagna” Maria said, trying to nudge them away from that unpleasant topic.

“Me, too” Pepper agreed. “They make an awesome steak if someone's in the mood, though.”

“Really? No pressure at all? Then why are you suddenly sharing?” Barnes asked.

“Because I've realized that all she ever wanted was to see me happy and for me to be able to open up, so my friends could get to know me. And she thinks that's important enough that she would actually endanger her own life just for me to be finally myself around my friends” she replied with an innocent smile. Maria could sense it was forced but Natasha had always been good at faking.

“I do know you” Steve protested.

“You do” Natasha confirmed. “And yet, not that well. You thought I was flirting with you when we first met, but I was just being polite enough that you would project your own emotions. Banner did the same but I was aiming there because Fury asked me to. Long story” she shrugged when Steve looked at her with a confused frown. “But Bucky” she chuckled a little and looked at him. “That came out of nowhere, we almost killed each other when we saw each other before, then suddenly we met again and he was touching my arm and it took me by surprise because I usually plan for people to like me. I didn't with him and later I realized it was because you guys were around and I was relaxed, surrounded by my friends. And yet, you all just assumed, since I didn't reject him on the spot, that I was somehow flirting back?” she frowned and shook her head.

“Alright, slow down. It's not like every single one of us is hitting on you” Barnes chuckled.

“Well” Pepper sighed a little. “Tony did, when he didn't know who she was. Steve did, Banner said they had a thing and it wasn't even true. Sam was into her when he saw her for the first time, and you are now.”

Clint nodded. “Yeah and it's getting weird. It's like you guys project your personality onto her and she's someone different to you every time you need her to be. It's like you can't see past the Black Widow persona, like you don't know who Natasha Romanoff is.”

“And to avoid that, I've decided to stop being who you need and start being who I want to be. And that's myself. And when you will actually see me flirt, you'll notice it, trust me” she smiled at Steve and went back to her menu. “I'll think have the lasagna as well.”

Maria refused to say something in front of everyone and just held Natasha's hand under the table tighter than necessary as the redhead tapped 'I love you' in morse code on her palm. She tapped 'I love you' back and choked back her feelings like any respectable former marine would have done.

  


Natasha was making dinner while Maria changed into her home clothes. She was caught up in her own thoughts and was brought back to the moment only when she felt Maria's arms wrap around her in a warm embrace. She smiled and turned her head to the side, so Maria could kiss her.

“You alright?” she whispered, kissing Natasha's temple. “A lot of things were said today.”

“Not enough” was the only thing she replied.

“What's that supposed to mean?”

“I wish I'd just told them. But I wanted to make sure you're cool with everyone knowing. This isn't something I can take back.”

“You go at your own pace, Nat. If you want to, if you're ready and you think it's time, then I'm one hundred percent behind you.”

“You're there just 'cause you like the view” she smirked and turned again to kiss Maria once more.

“True. Also to support whatever you decide to do. But mainly for the view” she matched Natasha's smirk.

Natasha chuckled and kissed her again. Then she saw it.

“Oh, my God. You're wearing it.”

Maria took a step back and smiled, showing off her 'My Gayness Can Be Seen From Space' white t-shirt, then twirled around, so Natasha would get a glimpse of the pictures in the back.

“Still the cutest shirt I own.”

“It's too cold, go put something over it” Natasha shook her head but she had a loving smile gracing her lips. “And don't ruin it, it's been our summer matching pj's for years.”

“Yes, ma'am” Maria nodded and took a step towards her to kiss her again.

“Wait, I want a picture to send to Pepper” she grabbed her phone and took a picture of Maria in the shirt, rolling her eyes like she was exasperated. “You're so cute” she chuckled again and then sent the picture.

Mack entered the kitchen in that moment, a defeated look on her face.

“Any chance one of you knows something about fractions? I'm fine with additions, but once you get to the divisions part, I get lost.”

“Oh, you just have to-” Maria thought about how to explain it for a moment before realising it would be easier to just show her. “Why don't I just show you what I can remember?”

“If you have time and don't mind” Mack smiled up at her hopefully.

“Come on, let me just grab a hoodie. Short sleeves aren't the best idea in winter.”

Natasha smiled and watched them go, then picked up her phone after she heard a message come in and swiped to see it.

Pepper reply only consisted of a 'Need one asap'. She smiled and went back to cooking dinner while she dialed Clint's number.

Meanwhile, Maria was helping Mack with her math homework and together they managed to get a hold of fractions in under an hour.

“So, there's this older kid, I mentioned him before. The one that made fun of me.”

“Is he bothering you again?” Maria asked, concerned.

“I guess his dad told him I'm an orphan, 'cause he called me 'the kid with no parents'? I told him I have parents now, but he won't listen.”

Maria sighed. “You know, sometimes people get mean for no reason. Did you ever say something back?”

“No. Should I?”

Maria shook her head and smiled. “The thing is, you're not like him, you're not mean. I don't think you have a bad bone in your body, actually.”

“That's 'cause Natasha makes me drink a lot of milk, she says it's good for my bones.”

Maria chuckled. “Might be, yeah. That means you're kind and sweet. People who aren't as kind make fun of those who are, sometimes. How about next time you tell Mr Smith what he said to you?”

Mack shrugged. “I tried. He told me Bred has troubles at home, so he's sad and he picks on me because he thinks my parents are even worse for abandoning me. And I mean, my birth dad was never around and my birth mom died years ago so he's kinda right?”

“Mr Smith shouldn't have justified his behavior. What Bred is doing is not okay. And Natasha and I, we're never abandoning you, as long as you want us with you, we'll be with you. So if Bred says something to you again, you just go to Mr Smith again and if he doesn't say something I'll come to your school and talk to him.”

Mack smiled. “That's okay. As long as he's wrong.”

“He is. You have us, Mack. You always will.”

Maria smiled at her and Mack hugged her tightly, almost falling off her chair. Maria kissed the top of her head.

“I love you, Mack. And Natasha loves you just as much.”

“I love you, too, mom.”

Maria smiled, and barely refrained from crying.

  


Maria was getting ready and she was late. Really late.

“You almost ready?” Natasha asked from the bedroom.

“Yeah” she answered from the bathroom. “Well, actually” she sighed. “Could you pick out something for me to wear?”

Natasha smiled to herself and walked to the closet, opening it and going through the stuff inside, until something caught her attention. She remembered that suit and that light blue tie all too well. She got lost in her own thoughts for a couple of seconds, until she heard the bathroom door open suddenly and Maria walked into the bedroom.

“You should wear this. You haven't worn in awhile and I love it. I'm really fond of this tie” she smirked but Maria barely raised her eyes, she just caught the suit Natasha was showing her and started putting it on.

“How did it get so late?”

“If you and your daughter hadn't spent half an hour staring at your phone because she _had_ to show you those _memes_ , we wouldn't be late.”

“They were so funny, Natasha” she snorted, zipping up her pants and putting on her tie. “We're still going to make it to school on time, right?”

“Barely.”

Maria slipped her matching light gray vest on, then turned to Natasha, opening her arms and waiting for her to say something. Natasha just walked to her and fixed the knot of her tie, then buttoned her vest.

“You look gorgeous.”

“You always do, I have to try and keep up” Maria answered with a smile. She kissed Natasha firmly, then hurried her out of the room so they could leave.

They brought Mack to school, then headed for SI. They took the elevator together, going up to Pepper's office, once FRIDAY confirmed they would find both her and Tony there.

“So, you're sure about this?” Maria asked her for the twentieth time.

“I am.”

“And you wanna do it this way?”

“Yeah, he'll appreciate the humor.”

Maria raised both eyebrows. She was about to retort how Stark had no humor beside the ounce he used to laugh at his own jokes, but the elevator opened and they exited, walking towards Pepper office and waving at Helen.

“And you want me here?” she whispered.

“Yes Maria, stop asking if I'm sure, it's happening” Natasha whispered back as she knocked on the door.

“Come in!” Pepper's voice invited them in.

Tony was slumped on the couch, but sat up the moment they entered.

“Well if it isn't my favorite Whiskey on the Rocks person. And Romanoff, in the mood to share some secrets today?”

“Yes, actually” she smiled and turned to Pepper, who was sitting behind her desk, unfolding the shirt in her hands.

Pepper actually screeched a little. “Is it for me?”

“Their gayness can be seen from space” Tony read. “Well, but how can you tell who the shirt is referring to?”

Natasha threw the shirt at Pepper, then took a second one she draped over her shoulder. “I made one for you, too. Figured I might as well since Pepper is probably hanging hers like a trophy thanks to Clint's over enthusiastic antics. Tony, I'm telling you 'cause we're friends. This stays between us, alright? Please don't make me regret this” she warned him, then tossed him the shirt.

“Still not getting it.”

“Turn it around” Natasha instructed.

“Oh, satellite pictures! But the faces in the last one are a little blurred. I mean, the redhead must be you, but you can't really tell who the other woman is. It's on a S.H.I.E.L.D. Helicarrier, right? And she's wearing a S.H.I.E.L.D. uniform and she has a bun that kinda looks like-” he looked up and his laugh stopped abruptly when he saw Maria looking sideways and avoiding his eyes.

He just kept staring at them, not another word escaped his lips.

“Is he going to be okay?” Maria whispered in Pepper's direction after a long silence.

“Yes. He's processing and going through every single interaction he's ever seen you having to make sure this isn't some elaborate prank. He'll recover.”

“Okay then” Natasha smiled. “Glad we settled this, so he can stop spying on me and we can go on with our lives. We're gonna go, good luck with-” she gestured vaguely at Tony, still staring ahead with his eyes distant. “-that. Bye.”

Maria muttered a 'Sorry' in Pepper direction, then followed Natasha out of the room.

“I gotta get to my office. I'll see you at lunch, alright?”

“Yeah, I'll come up” Natasha smiled at her, pressing button for the elevator.

Maria sighed. Lunch was hours away.

“Have fun for me, too.”

“Will do” Natasha assured her, getting into the elevator and turning to smile at her. The door closed and she was left thinking about how gorgeous Maria looked in that tie.

  


It was almost time for her break when Maria finished reviewing the new version of the confidentiality agreement Pepper asked her to prepare for all the Avengers, so she figured she might drop it off and then head to lunch. She went to Pepper's office with those intentions, but the CEO asked her, since Helen was apparently super-busy – Maria figured Pepper just didn't trust she could do it in a reasonable time – to deliver the contract to them. So she printed out a copy with the personal data of each of them, then headed down to their floor.

When she got to the gym, they were training on fight schemes and combos they could use in battle, they weren't really doing anything too physically demanding. They paused when Maria walked in and she explained she needed them to read, sign and give back to her those papers by the end of the day.

Natasha approached her and held out her hand. Maria gave her a pen almost immediately and the redhead quickly went through the pages without really reading any of it.

“Is it fair? Like S.H.I.E.L.D.'s?”

“Yes, it just prevents you from handing SI’s tech to others. You can still use it for yourselves or in battle.”

Natasha eyed her for a second. “You're not trying to screw me, are you?” she asked while signing the contract.

“Do not answer that question” Clint told Maria, while taking the pen from Natasha's hand and proceeded to sign his as well. “Not in front of me, not in front of anyone, not ever. Please.”

Stark approached them as Maria rolled her eyes and took the papers from both of them. He looked from Maria to Natasha a suspicious amount of times, before taking the pen from Barton and signing the contract as well.

Natasha knew what he was doing, trying to catch something different between them to verify that what they told him was the truth. He walked backwards, while still looking at the two of them. Steve approached him and asked for the pen, but Tony barely heard him, still focused on Natasha and Maria, five feet in front of him.

“What are you-”

“Shush” he silenced Steve. “Go talk to your boyfriend.”

“He's not my-”

“Shush” Tony hushed him again.

Natasha smirked and looked at Maria innocently.

“Nice tie, by the way.”

Maria cast a furtive glance towards the two of them, then raised an eyebrow at Natasha, recognizing her flirtatious tone. Two could play that game.

“Thank you, I'm pretty fond of it” she answered just as innocently.

“Oh, so you do remember” Natasha feigned surprise as her hand went to fix the already perfectly tied knot. “And there I was this morning, when I picked it out and you didn't even react, thinking of ways to remind you of our third date.”

Maria glanced again towards Steve and Tony. Both of them were watching them closely at that point and Maria was fairly sure of where Natasha was doing.

“You know, I'm not sure I remember. Suddenly, I can't recall” she faked a frown of deep concentration. “Nope, can remember the second one and the fourth one, but I'm not sure there was something in between.”

Natasha smirked up at her, her hands tracing the hem of her vest.

“Well, we didn't skip the third, I'm quite confident. I'll just have to remind you somehow.”

They just stood there and engaged in a staring contest, broken by Clint scoffing.

“You're talking about this like it's some weird kinky thing, but you're forgetting I know this story and it's just you being the dorkiest nerd ever, Tasha.”

Natasha just shrugged. “Don't know what you're talking about.”

He scoffed again, his arms crossed.

“So, uhm” Steve interrupted, giving his signed papers to Maria and alternating his gaze between the two of them. “You two had a thing, uh?”

Maria frowned at him while Natasha did her best 'You've _got_ to be kidding me' face.

“Really? Okay” she cleared her voice, then pointed to Steve. “Steve, meet my wife. Wife, this is my idiot super-soldier friend defrosted from the '40s” she pointed to Maria, then back to Steve.

Maria felt a little embarrassed, so she smiled a little, looking apologetic for Natasha's sarcasm.

He looked speechless for a moment, then he looked like he was about to say something, but Bucky and Sam approached them to hand the signed papers to Maria as well and the topic at hand was dropped altogether.

  


They got back home and Maria was about to get into their room and get changed, when Natasha's voice stopped her just as she opened their bedroom door.

“Not so fast.”

She turned around and saw her in the doorway, leaning casually on one shoulder. Maria just raised an eyebrow at her.

“I'm afraid you're under arrest, ma'am. It's illegal to look this gorgeous” she said in a dead serious voice, showing Maria her old S.H.I.E.L.D. badge.

Maria snorted, then started laughing. She remembered their third date fondly. They were just starting to actually know each other, and it was the night after Natasha got her official badge from Fury. When she went to pick Maria up and saw her wearing that tie, she was dumbstruck. She stared at her for half a minute, then took out her badge and instead of telling her that she was officially an Agent like a normal person would have, she said those words that made her laugh harder than anything she had heard before.

Eight years and it was still adorable.

“I can't believe you told this story to Clint” she was still laughing when she crossed the space separating them and gently pulled Natasha in by her hips before tenderly kissing her lips.

“Well, I called him from the restaurant stall, panicking and telling him I was sure you would dump me and never want to see me again. He wasn't helpful, he kept laughing until I hung up on him” she scrunched her nose, then kissed Maria again.

The brunette just started laughing again. “It was so adorable. You started opening up with me, sure, but your nerdy, dorky side didn't come up that often. When you said that line I couldn't stop laughing!” she said, chuckling. “And it wasn't a cute attractive laugh either, it was that blown-up, snorting, can't-stop-til-I-cry kind of laugh and I was afraid _you_ would be the one who was going to dump _me_ , but then I looked up and you were staring at me with the most adoring eyes and stunned expression and I thought _may God help me, I wanna spend my life with this idiot_.”

Natasha kept smiling up and looking at her and Maria wasn't able to form a proper thought aside from _'Yes, these adoring eyes she's doing right now, these are the ones'_.

“This idiot wants to spend her life with you as well.”

“This idiot already is” Maria pointed out and kissed her again, leaning her forehead on Natasha's and hugging her closer.

“And if you want, after dinner, I can remind you of the other part of our date, since you already have the tie on” Natasha whispered with a mischievous smirk. “Don't worry, I didn't tell Clint about that part.”

“Well, I'd hope so” Maria whispered back and chuckled, kissing her again.

  


Natasha and Mack usually sat on the couch, on the evenings Maria had to work and couldn't read to her. Not that Natasha didn't offer to, but Mack said it was nice to just relax every now and then. Plus, she was working up the nerve to ask Natasha to fix the TV audio together, she just hadn't figured out how yet.

“How is it going at school?”

“Fine, cool. You know, except for that kid that made fun of me a couple of times, Bred. His mom was a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent and his dad is a lawyer or something, he said in front of the others how his dad told him I have no parents.”

“But you do have parents. And Maria was probably his mom's boss, since she was Deputy Director of S.H.I.E.L.D., you know?”

“I know, you guys are so cool. It's fine, it doesn't really bother me that much, I tried telling Mr Smith but he didn't really care.”

“We'll make him care” Natasha assured her. “Next time it happens go to him and if he doesn't do something we'll talk to him together.”

“You know, nobody ever cared this much if my feelings got hurt before” Mack turned to look at her, then shrugged.

“Well, I do. We both do. I don't really know how to explain this, but I feel like I could be protecting you from every little bad thing that could happen to you, and it still wouldn't be enough. I just want you to be happy and peaceful.”

“I am, you know? Here with you. I'm happy. Mom reads me Harry Potter, you play with me all the time, you both help with homework. And you let me make messes with toys as long as I clean up after and you don't get mad. And you know when you brought that electronic toy car and we built it together? That's one of my favorite memories ever.”

Natasha smiled and wrapped an arm around her shoulders to hug her closer.

“I love you, little one.”

“I love you too, mom.”

She hugged her even closer and smiled brightly.

  


Days kept going by, things were looking better and better. Her relationship with Maria was starting to get back to the sheer perfection it was before she uncovered that whole new Red Room organization and Mack was happy and healthy. They went to an oculist, he prescribed some glasses like Maria suggested he might, since Mack always read too close to the books. She was doing great at school and didn't cause much trouble at home either – not an excessive amount for an eight-year-old anyway. They went to a pediatrician, to make sure she was growing up healthy. They even started considering some after school activities she might enjoy. Both Maria and Natasha could see she looked happier everyday - she talked more and asked a lot of questions she didn't dare to ask before - it was a huge step forward from the little girl who barely talked when she first got there. It was easy to see, Mack finally felt at home.

It was the start of December and Natasha was starting to feel the Christmas mood, if a little early that year. Mack had been with them for a little over two months, but it felt like she had always been a part of their family to them and they both couldn't wait to sign the papers that would mean she was legally their daughter.

It was an evening like any other, Natasha helped Mack with her homework, listened as she recited some of the paragraphs out loud, then helped Maria in the kitchen.

They laughed a lot those days. They still hadn't talked about everything they were supposed to, but life got good again – and sometimes too frantic to stop and talk – that they just decided to postpone all the discussions. They were too at peace and happy to shake everything up again. And yet, it was always in the back of Natasha's mind, the awareness that, at some point, she would have to tell Maria the one thing she decided to leave out when she told her what happened.

It was always there, at least at first. That perpetual fear. That constant thought. “ _This is just temporary, I'm going to lose it if he finds us, I'm going to lose them if he finds me._ ” It was just a passing thought sometimes. Other times, it was a dark mantra that she couldn't get out of her own mind. What if he did? What if he found them, and she wasn't strong enough to protect the two people that mattered the most to her?

But after a week or two, those kind of thoughts became sporadic, they almost disappeared completely. She was so happy, so comfortable in her own perfect bubble, she didn't even want to think about what could or would happen the day Bezukhov decided he was done hiding and waiting. She still thought about that, sometimes, but she filed that thought away quickly, ignoring her own brain's warning signs, just so she could keep being happy.

Maria seemed happier, too. She smiled more, laughed quite often, she was more relaxed around Natasha and Pepper, Clint and Sharon never missed an occasion to point out how much more she smiled since Mack came into their lives and she and Natasha started working things out. Tony still stared at them in a funny way since the day they told him they were married and Steve blushed any time the two of them were together in the same room.

She felt happy and content. She hadn't been that peaceful in a long time.

They had dinner together like always, then the three of them played a board game Mack was set on teaching them. There were a lot of rules and it was a little hard at first, but they got the hang of it pretty quickly. It was in that moment, looking at them laughing together in front of her, doing the silliest things, that Natasha realized, that was it. That was happiness. Her whole life, had led up to that moment. To her being in that room with the two most amazing people in the word, whom she loved with all her heart and they, against all odds, truly loved her back.

She had no doubt. No doubt that she would do anything in her power to protect them and she wouldn't put them in danger for any reason in the universe.

It was like she had to live through that moment, she needed to have that realization and to understand how deeply and completely worth it they were, just before she had to actually take a decision like that.

They heard her phone ring in the other room, so she went to grab it while Mack was still trying to explain the meaning of some of the rules to Maria.

She swiped on the screen as soon as she saw a text from Phil Coulson.

Her smile vanished as she read it. She felt paralyzed, frozen as though an ice bucket had been dropped on her head.

Three words. “ _We found him_ ” and nothing else.

She went back to the other room, determined to finally tell Maria every last detail she omitted before, to tell her everything that happened that day in Russia, but when she entered the living room again, she stopped in her tracks.

They were so happy.

What if she told Maria the truth and she didn't agree to stay behind? What if she went with Natasha and never made it back?

If she didn't tell Maria, she would be mad, furious even. She might even leave her. But she would live. Maria and Mack would both be safe.

Sure, a life lived without them, if she ever made it back, wouldn't be worth living. But if she put them in danger and lost them, if one of them died because of her? She would have ripped the world apart with her bare hands if anything ever happened to one of them. It wasn't a possibility, she couldn't even consider it.

She typed back “ _Start surveillance. I'll be there as soon as you're ready._ ”

She plastered a fake but convincing smile on her face and went back to sit with them at the table, like she hadn't just made a life altering decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you to my wonderful beta [dephinecormier](http://dephinecormier.tumblr.com/)! Also, a huge thanks to you all for reading this and a big hug to everyone who comments!
> 
> I'm super busy so probably next week update will skip and I'll post next one in two weeks, so I'm leaving you with a little bit of ~suspance~ maybe. For any questions or just to chat you can find me on [tumblr](http://thetruthaboutlovecomesat3am.tumblr.com/), I wish you all a nice week and if you want to let me know what you thought about this that's greatly appreciated! Love you all <3


	7. Step 7: Little Earthquakes

Step 7: Little Earthquakes

  


_Natasha was walking down the street, thinking about how different things looked since the last time she'd been there. She walked down a road she knew by heart, while her mind was somewhere else entirely. She had moved on from that place; she had a wonderful, fulfilling life. Sure, things got rough after S.H.I.E.L.D. collapsed, but Maria stood by her side and they were as in love as they had been the day they got married. Life had been kind to her. She and Maria, they were the lucky ones._

_It was time. She was ready. Honestly, she had been for a while. There was no reason left not to tell their friends they were together and in love. In fact, after five years of marriage, Natasha was ready to proclaim her love for her wife from the tallest rooftop in New York City. They were going to go public, she could get a stable job. They would finally be able to start a family._

_She stopped when she realized which building she was standing in front of. It was an old dance school - Natasha used to study ballet there. Red Room would take its girls there to teach them; it was the only activity not designed to turn them into assassins. She took a step back, scrutinising the building and frowning a little. It was in ruins the last time she saw it. No, that wasn't accurate. She’d left it in ruins the last time she had been there, to free the girls inside._

_But it was good as new on the outside and it looked busy on the inside as well. They were up for business. How was that even possible? Why would they restore that building?_

_A disturbing thought crept into her mind._

_She was quickly distracted by a phone ringing. There was no public phone nearby, but she traced the sound to a bin. She looked inside and found a cellphone taped on the side._

_That disturbing thought returned, her senses on alert. She took the phone and answered._

“ _Hello?”_

“Hello, Natalia.”

_A cold shiver run down her spine. She knew that voice, but it belonged to a dead man, it wasn’t possible, and yet she was hearing it. “Bezukhov?”_

“When they told me you were back in Russia, I told them” _the heavy accent of the man added a dark tone to his voice “_ It is not my Natalia, she is too smart for that.”

“ _Guess you were wrong about that. I thought you were dead. Did the Devil spit you back or something?”_

“Oh, little girl. Are you still afraid of the dark?”

_Natasha remembered how she would always turn to the only window or to the door where the light crept in from the gap under it or the keyhole, hoping to see some light, so her vision could help her know if someone was coming her way. The places in the Red Room were always dark, but as Bezukhov realized how she hated the darkness, they grew darker and scarier and colder. Until she wouldn't be afraid anymore. Until her hearing would be the only sense she needed to know if someone was approaching her._

_That man was the one who ripped away her fears, along with everything else that made her human, and turned her into a Black Widow._

“ _What do you want from me?”_

“Nothing you can give me. The thing I want from you, I will take from your hands, Natalia.”

_Her jaw tightened as she heard him chuckle._

“Do you remember the time we sent you on the field with another girl? You protected her, every move you made was to keep her safe. Some soldiers step with their right foot in front of them to protect their weak side. You do not have a weak side, I made you” _he paused for a second, looking for the right word. “_ Flawless. But you protect your most precious side. That time, it was another helpless girl, but every other time, it was someone you loved - you did it with your husband too, you weren't in love with him but you cared for him and it made you” _he paused again, looking for the other word. “_ Flawed. That's why I had to kill him.”

_Natasha remembered. She wasn't in love with him, it was true. But they became friends, eventually, if not anything more. He was taken from her, like everything else, by the Red Room._

“ _What do you want from me?” she repeated in a slowly, anger seeping through her voice._

“You will come for us. You will come to fight us, there are a dozen facilities around the world and you have turned into this” _he sighed, almost regretfully. “_ Flawed hero. You risk your own life to save others when they are worth much less than you are. But this heroic side you developed, it will be what destroys you. You will protect your most precious thing in battle. And once I know who he is, I will come for him, Natalia. I will come and rip him out of your hands and then I will make you watch him die in front of your eyes. And when you will have nothing left to live for, only then I will let you live.”

_Natasha clenched her jaw and said nothing for a long time. She felt the anger and fear crawl under her skin, almost palpable, almost too real._

“ _Go to hell” was the only response she gave him._

“I will meet you there, Natalia _.”_

“ _If I had something so important that I'd protect it with my life, what makes you think that I'd risk it just to take you down? What makes you so sure I'm not just gonna walk away right now?”_

“I'm looking at you right now” _his voice was softer when he said that, almost affectionate. “_ Step ahead, Natalia and look inside. Those girls doing ballet, two of them are Starkovsky's girls. We are smarter now, you won't be able to tell them apart from the rest. You will come to save them, and I will be so disappointed in you, but you will do it anyway _.”_

_If it was the truth, some of the mothers were actually Red Room agents. And there would be no way to save the girls besides taking down the main local facility and stealing their data._

“ _Go to hell” she spat through gritted teeth, in Russian._

“I will meet you there, Natalia” _Bezukhov answered in Russian, too._

_She hung up the phone, turned around and left, with the intention of never going back again._

_Ever since then, every time she closed her eyes she would see five girls dancing in front of her, until one of them would raise a gun, pointing it to one of the others, tears streaming down their faces; the other girl would scream and call for her mom and beg for her life. But the dream always ended with a shot that would echo in her ears, tearing her away from the nightmare._

  


She was almost done. It wasn't to say things went smoothly, because they didn't. In fact, she was shot. So that was about as far from smoothly as thing could have possibly gone. But the graze on her thigh couldn't be the reason she stopped, not when there was only one room left to clear and then they would be done with the place.

She entered the last room and immediately shot two of the three agents there, while the third one made a break for the door. She intercepted him, disarmed him, then pushed him onto a nearby chair and watched as he tried to look for the other two.

“Don't worry, they're not dead. Just passed out, this is an ICER” she pointed to her own gun. “This, is not” she took another gun from her waist holster. “So, you can tell me either where Bezukhov ran or which of your feet you like less.”

She was in a hurry and fear usually worked on the tech agents. He frantically shook his head with his hands raised.

“You don't know where he went?”

“He was never here. He sends instructions every now and then, but he's never been in this facility” he told her with a heavy accent.

Her shoulders slumped, her blood pressure was low, she knew that.

“Damn it!” she raised her ICER gun and shot him. “Clint, do you copy?” she asked logging onto the comm line.

“Yeah, I'm two hallways behind, I'm almost there.”

“Hurry up, I'm about to pass out from blood loss.”

She sat down and waited. The last thing she heard was the door she came in open again, then nothing more.

  


She'd been gone for thirty hours.

It wasn't that much, but she'd been gone for a whole day and it was almost two in the morning when she arrived back home. She opened the door, closed it quietly behind her and it was that simple task made her cross the line between before – when she had to keep moving, to keep doing things and going forward – and after, when the only thing she could do was stop.

So she stopped.

And she realized, despite her best efforts, she lost.

It was over.

There was nowhere else left to look, no facility left to search. He had just vanished into nothingness. The man who haunted her dreams was free and she felt utterly defeated.

She slowly and silently – as silently as she could with two bruised ribs, a sprained ankle and a wounded leg – made her way through the house and headed straight for their bedroom. She walked in and closed the door and for a moment she thought she might actually want to just crash on the couch so she wouldn't wake Maria up, but the bedside lamp flickered on while she was still contemplating that thought.

“Nat?” a sleepy Maria called. She pushed herself into sitting position and looked blearily at her, jolting awake the second her eyes landed on Natasha's face and she saw the cut on her cheek.

Natasha just stared at her, tears pooling in her eyes, and eyelids heavy with exhaustion. 

Maria got up and walked towards her, her hands landing on Natasha's shoulders immediately, while she was visually checking her over for injuries.

“Come on, I'll help you take off this field suit and-”

“He wasn't there” she choked out. “He wasn't there.”

“Oh, Nat” Maria's eyes were filled with pain as she helped her sit on the bed and hugged her closely with one arm as she kissed her temple. “I'm so sorry, love.”

Natasha grabbed her shirt and hung to her like she was clinging to her last hope for a safe place in the chaos of the world.

She hid her face in Maria's neck and prayed, to whatever deity might be able to hear her, for things to be alright again, because she couldn't bear that sense of powerlessness anymore.

“He wasn't there” she repeated numbly.

Maria just hugged her closer and whispered back “I've got you, love. We've got this. We're going to fix this” over and over again.

  


_She made up her mind the moment she replied to Coulson. Yes, there was the possibility that Maria was going to fight her and refuse to stay home while she went, but there also was a possibility Natasha might win that argument and she decided to cling to it. She couldn't lie to Maria again, because she was positive that it might be the final straw, the mistake that would made her lose her family once and for all._

_She returned from Mack's room to find Maria already changed and ready for bed, so she sat down next to her and took her hand. Without saying a single word, she handed her phone to Maria so she could read the text herself._

“ _Bezukhov?”_

“ _Yeah.”_

“ _You don't want me to come.”_

_It was so much more complicated than that. But there was no denying that it was true, that no matter what either of them could say, she couldn't have Maria there._

“ _When I come back, I'll tell you everything I didn't before. And I won't be leaving for a while, by the way. A week is my guess.”_

“ _Alright then” Maria stared at the screen and said nothing else, then she handed the phone back to Natasha. “Just be careful, alright?”_

“ _I will. I'll be back before you know it.”_

_Maria looked into her eyes then, not saying a word. She looked at her and Natasha had the feeling she was searching for something and maybe she didn't even know what. But then she nodded, her shoulders straightened a little._

“ _You find him and you end this. But Natasha, this time, I will if you don't. I told you I would fight for you and you have to promise you will let me. I can't watch this thing, this man, tear you apart anymore, I won't. I love you and I'll remind you why you fell in love with me.”_

“ _I remember perfectly why I fell in love with you, Maria” Natasha almost smirked at the thought._

“ _Good. Then let me be that person. Let me be the soldier you fell in love with.”_

_Natasha started to protest but Maria's hand tightened around her own and she paused for a moment, gazing at her. It wouldn't matter, because Coulson had him and she was going to end the entire mess. So, instead of starting a fight and protesting Maria's resolution to help her, she kept looking at her and, and eventually, she nodded._

  


She didn't get out of bed for the first twenty hours after going back home. When she woke up again, she walked silently into the living room and Maria was sitting on the couch, Mack by her side, they were watching something on the television.

“Can I at least say goodnight?”

“You know she'll want to see you as soon as she wakes up, sweetheart. She was just really tired and a little bruised.”

“Was she saving the world?”

“Something like that.”

“She's gonna be okay, right?”

“Of course, honey, she's okay. Told you, just a little bruised.”

“I miss her.”

“I promise you, when you wake up tomorrow she'll be there.”

Natasha took a couple more heavy steps to make her presence known and when Mack jumped off the couch Maria immediately put a hand on her shoulder.

“Careful, okay? Remember, mom's a little bruised.”

Mack nodded and slowed down, but as she walked to Natasha, the redhead just knelt on the floor and opened her arms.

Mack hugged carefully her and held on tight.

“Hey little one” Natasha whispered. “I missed you so much, it's been a long two days.”

“I missed you too, mom. What happened to your leg and your cheek?”

“Just some scratches. I've had worse. Hug me some more and I'll feel better.”

Mack held on even tighter and Natasha just wished she could stay there, just the three of them, without having to worry about the outside world and its threats. She knew that it wasn't realistic or rational, but she just wanted to keep her family safe, to keep them from getting hurt because of her, and she was running out of ways to try to do that.

“I love you, little one.”

“Love you, too.”

  


She limped her way to her bedroom after Mack fell asleep and found Maria sitting on the edge of the bed. Blue eyes met hers the moment Natasha walked in.

“Sit down, we need to change the bandage on your leg” she said in that resolute tone that made Natasha's stomach twist a little.

“Yes, ma'am” she sat down and Maria carefully helped her out of her pants and top. She checked the bruise on her ribs first, then the cut on her cheek to make sure it wasn't bleeding again, otherwise she would have to disinfect that one, too. She moved her sprained ankle a little like she already did the night before to make sure it wasn't fractured, then she started undoing the bandage. The first couple of layers were clean, but there was a red spot underneath.

“You know you don't have to check me again and again, a doctor did that.”

“Don't care” Maria muttered. “You had to kneel on the floor, uh? You're bleeding again” she disinfected the wound, which wasn't even bleeding anymore, covered it with an antiseptic gauze and then wrapped it up again methodically.

“You sound a little too pissed for this to be just about a little blood stain.”

Maria sighed and put Natasha's pj's pants back on her carefully, then stood up.

“You were shot, Natasha. You were lucky the bullet didn't hit the bone or a nerve or something else equally dangerous.”

“Yeah, that's the definition of 'just a graze'.”

“It could have been a lot worse! Two inches could have made all the difference. You were reckless, you're not objective about this anymore – _if_ you ever were. You've gotten out of way worse situations without a single scratch.”

“I can't always be lucky.”

“This has nothing to do with luck, Natasha, and you know it. Please, listen to me. I won't let you keep doing this to yourself. If you won't listen to me, Phil and Clint will” she said resolutely, her hands on her hips.

Natasha frowned and scoffed, but Maria didn't waver. She kept looking up at her, until she realized Maria wasn't going to let it go again. She took one of her hands and pulled a little, until Maria got the hint and sat down beside her.

“Remember after I got shot in the shoulder and you came and saved us from HYDRA? You saved my life countless times.”

“You saved mine, too. In more ways than one.”

“Same here.” Natasha hummed and smiled. “When I saw you there, I was worried. It wasn't something we’ve ever dealt with before, the people we had to fight back then were our own people, some of our own agents. But you were one step ahead, of course. You're a planner.” She took a big breath and released it slowly. “I said I'd tell you everything that happened when I came back. I tried to do this my way and it didn't work. I know I need your help, Maria, I do, because you're the best Commander I've ever laid my eyes on, but there's a reason I've kept you out of this. And I know you thought it was me underestimating you, or me being overprotective, or me not trusting you enough, but it wasn't that at all.”

“Then why, _why_ would you wait so long to let me help?”

“Because Bezukhov isn't trying to get to me” she let her eyes fall and stared at her fingers intertwined with Maria's for a long moment, then looked back up and exhaled heavily. “He's trying to get to you.”

  


Things went back to a routine that lulled them into a false sense of normality. But after Natasha told her everything Bezukhov threatened to do, nothing felt quite normal anymore to Maria. It was like living in a new reality where those words kept ringing in the back of her mind. It wasn't herself she was worried about - it was Natasha, her safety, her sense of security. She lived with that threat for more than a year, Maria couldn't imagine what it must have been like, since during that week she was already starting to feel like she was going crazy because of her powerlessness over everything that concerned that elusive bastard.

But they both pushed through. They both had jobs and a daughter, and life wouldn't stop because a crazy man was on the run. On the contrary, somehow things got even busier around them, and every time they tried to come up with a plan both of them were comfortable with, something always got in the way. The second week rolled by and still they made zero progress on the Bezukhov plan. They decided they'd handle it over the weekend, but getting there was proving to be an exhausting task even for them. A man who wants to hunt your family down doesn't easily leave your mind just because you have to work.

It was one of those endless mornings, Maria was talking to Pepper in the CEO office when her phone started to ring.

“I'm so sorry, I have to take this” she whispered. “Hill.”

“ _Hello, this is Tina Ford, Math teacher and vice-principal. We met a couple of times. You're Mackanzie's foster mom?_ ”

“Yes, that would be me. Is everything okay?”

“ _Well, not exactly, we need you to come to the school and talk to Mr Harris. Mack was in a fight. He's not here yet, but this is the standard procedure. If you're not able to come-_ ”

“Wait, she was in a _fight_?” she looked at Pepper, her forehead creased in a frown. “Is she okay? Is she hurt or-”

“ _She's fine, just a few scratches but she's okay._ ”

“Natasha?” Pepper muttered, confused.

“Mack” Maria whispered back. “Can I-”

“Yes, oh my God, go make sure she's alright” Pepper got up immediately. “There's nothing urgent here anymore” she said, pointing at the reports Maria brought to her that morning that wrapped up the chaos of the past few days.

“Thank you, Pepper. I owe you.”

“Go” Pepper urged her.

“Sorry” Maria said into the phone. “I'm on my way there, thank you for calling me.”

“ _See you then_.”

As soon as the vice-principal hung up, Maria dialed Natasha's number. She picked up while Maria waited for the elevator.

“Nat, I need the car, the school called and Mack was in a fight, I need to leave right now” she said in a rush, pressing the elevator button again and again.

“ _What the hell do you mean she was in a fight, is she okay?_ ”

“Mrs Ford said so, but I-” she sighed and shook her head even though Natasha couldn't see her. “I need- _we_ need to be with her.”

“ _I'm on the elevator, I'll take the car and meet you outside._ ”

“Yeah, if this stupid thing would just come up” she pressed the button again.

She hung up and the elevator's doors mercifully slid open, so she got in and laid her shoulder against the wall with a sigh. It was a weird thing, the way her heart was beating so fast. She could keep her calm in the middle of an alien invasion, but apparently the moment her daughter got in a fight she got anxious. She got out of the building and into the car almost on auto-pilot, while picturing every possible worst case scenario. The moment she closed the door, Natasha started driving.

“What happened?”

“I don't know, her math teacher called, saying she was in a fight.”

“Mack, _our Mack_ , fought someone?”

“I know, it doesn't make sense to me either.”

Natasha glanced her way. While she looked collected to the untrained eye, Natasha could see Maria was actually nervous and almost fidgety, it was even worse than the day Mack took the test to be sorted in her class.

“Didn't you ask the teacher?”

“Of course I did, she said Mack's fine. But I'm still worried about her.”

“You're her mother. You'll be worried about her for the rest of her life. The good news is we can worry over nothing together” Natasha told her, placing a hand on her knee and smiling. “Unless, of course, there's something to worry about, because if someone actually hurt her they might want to start running away before I get there.”

“Natasha, the fight was probably with another kid” Maria scoffed at her. Then it hit her. “Wait, the fight was probably with another kid” she said, realisation dawning on her.

“You just said that.”

“No, I mean it was probably with that Bred kid who's been bothering her. We should have gone to Paul right away, we just thought Mr Smith would help but we should have stepped in when he didn't.”

“You think they got in a fight because he was making fun of her again? What if it's our fault, what if we could have prevented this?”

“I don't know, Natasha, I-” she sighed and shook her head. “I feel like I keep underestimating things and making stupid mistakes.”

“We both make mistakes. But that's normal, right? I mean, she's been with us for less than three months, we can't expect to be immediately perfect at parenting, it takes practice, you said so.”

“She got in a fight because we didn't step in sooner, this is a major screw up, Natasha. I didn't think it was this bad or that either one of them would start a physical fight, but it's no excuse. When Smith didn't do anything, we should have at least tried to talk to Bred's parents, right?”

“Maybe. Mack said his mom used to be an Agent, so you were probably her boss” she paused. “It doesn't make sense, does it? Mack was so calm and all she said is that he's made fun of her two times for not having parents because his dad said so.”

“But before of that he teased her, we should have paid attention to that, too” Maria pointed out. “I stupidly thought this kid just wanted to be her friend and didn't know how.”

“Who would do that?” Natasha asked with a frown and a scoff.

Maria clicked her tongue and looked at her with raised eyebrows. “You, for example? You used to be ever-so-slightly insubordinate with me when we weren't friends yet. You made fun of me in front of the other recruits to get my attention, remember that? _I don't need to be here, commander Hill, I can take down a man the double of my size in two seconds_ ” she imitated Natasha's voice poorly.

“I wasn't making fun of you and it was _true_.”

“It was also unnecessary, the training was mandatory. And my point stands, I thought he was seeking attention, but he was bullying her and we turned the other way. This can't happen again, we have to make sure nobody gives her shit, we have to protect her.”

“I agree one hundred percent, but let's just hope this wasn't the case, alright? We don't know what happened yet. We're here, by the way. How about you go to her and I'll park the car and catch up as soon as I can?”

Maria hesitated and looked at her for a moment. Really looked at her. Natasha's eyes followed her gaze and she realized she was wearing her suit and had no change, no wig or cap, not even sunglasses.

She sighed. “I guess I'll wait in the car.”

“Sorry, I'll text you as soon as I know what happened.”

Maria was practically out of the car before it even fully stopped, heading for the entrance and then for Harris' office. She sighed with relief the moment her eyes spotted Mack and she could see for herself she was fine.

“What happened?” she asked, kneeling down as Mack scooted to the edge of her chair so she could throw her arms around Maria's shoulders.

“I'm so sorry, please don't be upset.”

“I'm not upset, sweetheart. Are you okay?”

Mack nodded but it wasn't really convincing. “I ruined the jeans Nat brought me” she looked down at her knee and Maria saw the fabric was a little torn where she was pointing.

“We'll buy another pair, then. Did you hurt your knee?”

“Just a scratch. There and on my hands” she said, showing Maria both her slightly scratched palms, looking down. “I'm alright.”

“What happened?” she asked again, sitting beside her and hugging her closer with an arm around her shoulders.

“It was an accident.”

Maria's eyes immediately raised to identify the boy who just spoke. He was sitting in the chairs on the opposite side of the hallway outside the Principal's office.

“Let me guess. You're Bred” she tried to keep a neutral tone.

“I swear it was an accident” he said again, looking at the man sitting beside him, Maria assumed it must have been his father.

“It was” Mack confirmed. “He nudged me and I kind of tripped.”

“He _nudged_ you? You mean he pushed you?”

“Just lightly” he defended himself. “She tripped, we were outside and she fell on the ground and scratched her knee. I didn't mean to hurt her.”

Maria pursed her lips and looked back at Mack.

“It's true, mom, he didn't push me that hard.”

“He shouldn't have pushed you at all” Maria stated firmly. “He's been making fun of you for a while, we should have stepped in sooner.”

“Come on, they're kids, it's just how they act” the father stepped in.

“No, it isn't. He was bullying her and now he's physically pushing her and what's next? This is escalating.”

He rolled his eyes and sighed. “No, it isn't, it's just a quarrel. They're _kids_.”

“I just nudged her because she was lying” Bred argued.

“No, I wasn't.”

“Yes you were!”

“Mack, please” Maria turned to her. “Start from the beginning and tell me what happened.”

“We were playing outside with our friends and things were cool because he didn't say anything to me for a couple of weeks, then he made fun of me again, calling me 'the girl with no parents' in front of everyone. And I told him I have parents, so he called me a liar.”

“My dad says you're an orphan, that means you have no parents. Right dad?” Brad interrupted, looking at his dad for approval, but he averted his eyes and glanced in Maria's direction.

“Clearly Tom's mom was wrong” he muttered.

Maria bit down on the inside of her cheek to avoid snapping at that man, who told his child a rumor which made him bully her daughter for weeks.

“So, since I'm not a liar, I told him he was saying that just because my mom used to be his mom's boss and that means you're cooler” Mack stated. “And then he pushed me and I tripped.”

“Well, I guess this settles it. Bred apologizes for nudging her, she apologizes for lying and we can go home as soon as my wife comes out of the principal's office.”

“I didn't lie” Mack insisted.

“Mack, how did you figure I used to be Bred mom's boss?”

“He says to everyone how cool she is because she was an important Agent when S.H.I.E.L.D. was still up.”

“Yeah, she had her own division and everything” Bred smiled proudly. “You worked there, too?” he asked Maria.

“I did” she nodded.

“That's so cool” he smiled, then got serious again and turned to Mack. “I'm sorry for pushing you. And I'm sorry for making fun of you.”

“It's okay, as long as you stop saying mean things to me.”

He nodded and looked down.

“Aren't you going to say anything?” Maria asked the man sitting beside him.

He shrugged. “He apologized.”

Maria frowned and slightly tilting her head a little to the side. “Bred made fun of my daughter for weeks, he lied to their classmates about her – lies _you_ told him, by the way – and pushed her. Not a single one of those things is okay.”

“Look, I don't know who you think you are, but-”

Harris' office door opened up and Maria stood up while a woman exited the room.

“You're in a lot of trouble, Bred and-” she paused when she recognized the woman who got up upon seeing her. “Commander Hill” she smiled politely to Maria, offering her hand.

Maria smiled back and shook it. “Agent Stanford, I had no idea you were Bred's mother. It's a pleasure to see you again.”

“Likewise, I had no idea you had a kid” she chuckled a little and smiled to Mack.

She smiled back and then scooted to the edge of her seat again to take Maria's hand. When she turned Mack pulled a little until Maria got closer.

“Mrs Karen has been nice when she got here, she introduced herself and checked on me even though the nurse already did it, and Bred apologized. Can we just let it go?”

Maria looked at her and didn't find the nerve to argue with that adorable pout Mack was giving her, so she just nodded and smiled.

“As long as he doesn't bother you again” she agreed, looking up at Karen.

“He won't, he'll be grounded for a very long time” Karen assured her.

“But mom!”

“No buts, you made fun of a classmate, you pushed her and spread lies about her. Not to mention even if the rumors were true, you should have never, ever, made fun of a kid for being an orphan” she said to her son, then turned again to Maria. “I'm deeply sorry for what happened, and if I had known it sooner, I would have taken action before.”

Maria smiled and nodded. “Thank you, Karen. It means a lot to me.”

Her phone started ringing, she picked up as soon as she saw the ID.

“ _You didn't text._ ”

“She's alright, just a couple of scratches. We'll talk to Paul and be right out.”

“Is it Natasha?” Mack asked, looking up at her. “Can I talk to her?”

“Hold on, Mack wants to talk to you.”

She gave the phone to her with a smile.

“Hello?”

“ _Hey, little one. I'm right outside in the car waiting for you._ ”

“The jeans you brought me got ruined, I'm sorry. Please don't be mad.”

“ _I'm not mad, Mack, I don't care about the jeans, I'll buy you a thousand pairs. All I care about is that you're alright._ ”

Mack chuckled. “That's silly, where would we fit a thousand pairs, there's not enough room in my closet.”

“ _Good point. Are you alright, little one?_ ”

“Yeah, I'm fine and mom's here now. I'll see you in a bit. Love you.”

“ _Love you, too._ ”

After Maria talked to Harris and he told her that while Mack wouldn't be punished she could go home for the day, they headed back to the car and drove to SI again, after stopping for a quick lunch along the way. It was nearly the end of their usual lunch break time when they arrived.

“So, you're going back down to logistics training, Mack's coming up with me and she can do her homework in my office?”

Natasha nodded.

“Please be careful, your leg is still not back to full strength yet.”

“I will, I'm not even back to physical training until next week” Natasha pointed out.

Maria sighed and kissed her quickly, before opening her door.

“See you later, buddy” Natasha told Mack, offering her cheek for a quick kiss and then watched her jump outside when Maria opened her door.

She watched them go, then parked the car in the back of the building and got out. As she approached the entrance, she saw Barnes heading towards the same door. Their eyes met and he waved at her, waiting for her to catch up.

“Heading back from lunch?” he smiled.

“Yeah, you too?”

He nodded. “Look, I owe you an apology. I thought about how things went down and the stuff I said and, even if I didn't mean to, I was inappropriate and unfair.”

“It's okay, I overreacted a little, so I say we call it even” she smiled. “Friends?” she asked, offering him her hand.

He smiled back and instead of taking her hand went in for a hug. “Friends.”

She stiffened up, that much of a contact wasn't really her thing, not with someone she barely knew, but she made an effort, gently patting his back and then stepped out of his personal space. They headed back to the training room side by side.

  


Maria stepped out of the elevator, her hand holding Mack's, and they got to her office. She helped Mack get settled on the couch, with her books and everything she might need, and she was just about to go back to her desk and resume her work, when a knock on the door made her pause.

Clint opened the door and immediately smiled upon seeing Mack.

“Clint!” she got up and went to hug him.

“Hey, Mack! How are you? Nat told me you got into some trouble at school?”

“I'm fine, it wasn't that big of a deal. And since my moms don't seem mad, it's cool.”

Clint chuckled and hugged her briefly again, before letting her return to her place on the couch and turning to look at Maria. She walked to the doorstep where he was standing and stepped with him outside the office, pulling the door so it was almost closed, to prevent Mack from hearing what they were discussing.

Without a word, Maria raised her hand, palm up, and waited. Clint sighed and shook his head a little, but took out his phone.

“I don't like this” he muttered.

Maria unlocked the phone and looked at the picture on the screen. She sent it to her own number, then gave the phone back to Barton.

“Thank you for taking this.”

“Maria, are you sure this is how you want to do this?”

“I am. Not a word about this to anyone, Clint. And I mean _anyone_.”

“I know, I know. I have to go to training now. I'll see you later” he sighed and walked to the elevator while Maria went back into her office and closed the door.

“Is everything okay?” Mack asked as she sat down at her desk.

“Yes, sweetheart.” She looked down at the picture she had just received from Barton's phone, taken not long before. There were two figures hugging on a sidewalk. It wasn't good enough in quality that someone could doubt it was taken by a professional, but the people could indeed be recognized as Natasha and Bucky, his arms around her waist and her hand on his back. “Everything's perfect.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so, so sorry for the delay! Life got in the way and I'm afraid my inspiration for this story isn't helping. **On that note** that there won't be an update next week and possibly for some time ahead. I've started working on another story that I've been thinking about for ages and even if I plan to come back to this and finish it, I don't know when that will happen. I am truly sorry for everyone who's been following this weekly, I didn't expect to get completely blocked two chapters away from the end.
> 
> Please for any question don't hesitate to write to me here or on [Tumblr](http://thetruthaboutlovecomesat3am.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Love you all!


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